"Just getting through the week"

[Deliaskis]

This is going to be a bit of a needy post so I apologise in advance, but could do with some perspective on this. I have a DD who is 14 weeks old, so still tiny, and still really at the very beginning of this roller coaster.

We have had our issues, birth was fine, first week horrendous (weight loss and failure to BF etc.), a brush with PND for me, silent reflux for DD (ouch), so it's not been 'textbook' so to speak, although perhaps it never really is.

The thing is, we have mainly ironed out those kinks now, I don't think I have actual PND (although I still score slightly high on the screening questionnaire thing), reflux mainly under control. She is still a difficult feeder, but it doesn't stress me out particularly.

I feel like I am now doing everything right 'on paper'. DD sleeps really well at night, we do lots of things - meeting other Mum friends, going swimming, baby massage, and I do feel like I am starting to bond with DD after initial issues with that. I have lots of help as both sets of grandparents are local, and I get one night a week when I can go and sing in the choir I am a member of. So on paper, everything is really fine, and I accept that I am actually very very very lucky.

Having said that, I do feel a bit...empty...a bit like I'm just getting through the week, rather than enjoying it or having anything to aim for so to speak. Before we had DD I worked (going back at 6 months), and we used to have quite an active social and family life, lots of interesting holidays, evenings out, trips out at the weekend etc. and whilst I know that we can still do some of those things, although in a more limited way, I kind of feel like I have no mojo, life just seems an endless round of feeding, changing etc. And even when we could do something else, it sometimes feels like too much effort.

I know it's still early days yet, but is this something that other people have had? When did you stop feeling like you were "just getting through the week" and start to feel more....well....fulfilled/content/settled?

D

Yes you sound a bit depressed. Don't despair though it does get better. It doesn't suddenly get better overnight though. It's a gradual process of your adaptation to the new family life too. Our LO is 8.5 months and though she started sleeping through at 6 weeks we've had a blip to that recently and I feel exhausted. I do love her very much but there are good and bad days. on the bad days even though I still love her I do find it very hard. I'm afraid it is hard, but the good outweighs the bad and she is getting more interesting and fun to be with every day. I never did late nights or pubs or anything but did cycle about 250 miles a week and I miss my cycling. I miss being fit and active, I miss the actual cycling, I miss the way I felt and the way my body looked so I do understand the frustration of losing your old life, but you have to adapt what you do and change your expectations. We just got back form a cycling holiday in Italy. My partner and I took turns to cycle and had family time too, and had a great holiday of almost 3 weeks. It was not the same as before but was just as good if not better - but it was different. I am not as fit as I was, but fit enough to enjoy the cycling holiday, and to enjoy my cycling back at home when i get the opportunity to get out, which is all that matters. Adapt what you do, lower your expectations a little, and just enjoy the little things for now. Find something good in each day, a moment where you smile and think, "Yes, this is what it's all about", or "This is good". It does help!