2 kids, small age gap. Keep trying to do things together as a 'family', or give in and accept 1 parent to 1 child and do separate things!?!

[pipkin35]

16 month age gap, so now 3.6 and 2.2.

I keep insisting we do things as a 'family' at wends, (park, swim etc...) - mainly cos if my OH was left to it, he'd probably read the paper and let them watch CBBC all day...

I think they're better behaved and enjoy themselves more if we take a kid each....IYSWIM.

How do you all do it? If a family of 4 or more, how do your wends pan out? (We have no family nearby and only maybe see 1 friend with a kid, so playdates at wends are never an option).

Am sick of breaking up fighting!!!

We do everything together the majority of the time. They seem to fight a lot less if we are out (to be honest as they are 6 and 4 now they don't fight as much anyway) so I try to get out a fair bit at weekends. We usually stay at home relaxing until midday then go out for lunch, to the park, to see friends until about 4pm then come home and do a few chores.

I think splitting everyone up seems a bit sad and doesn't teach them how to get along. When they fight are they aggressive? I ignore any fighting that isn't physical or bullying. If they start to hit they are seperated and have a time out (whoever did the hitting) for 5 mins.

Hi pipkin, we have the same age gap although mine are 2.11 and 1.7 at the moment. We do everything together at the weekends and don't seem to have too many problems - as with Angry, we police major bust ups but ignore otherwise.

A family that plays together stays together .

What are they fighting over?

TBH, it's the younger DD who randomly hits her older brother for no reason - often! He hasn't worked out how to remove himself from her yet, so unless I am in same room at all times (you should see the state of my house! ;)) all I get is him wailing to me 'She hit me mummy' etc...She adores him and just wants his attention, I think. EG: if he's absorbed in CBBC, she'll hit him since she has no interest in watching TV.

They prob have those adorable 'playing together' moments for about 10 mins a day - but think this is mainly cos she plays brilliantly alone and he can't.

I guess my 'worry' is that just by 'being together' neither kid is getting intense (quality?) 1 on 1. So, with older DS I can take to library where we'll have a lovely old time. Bring DD and within mins she is pulling stuff off shelves or grabbing a DVD off brother. Parks - DD is such a daredevil, she will leg it off and is on some deathly slide/activity while more cautious DS is struggling...usual stuff I guess.

Will see what else you all say but will prob - like most things - do a compromise...

I work PT, so 5 days a week they're both home with me in the PMs (am just about to change my 3 full days to 5 half days) - but wanted a bit more of a routine' at wends...

we have similar age gap (17 months) but mine are a bit younger, oldest is almost 3. we do mainly things all together, sometimes dh would take one of them on their own for a couple of hours but not separeated out for the whole weekend, i wouldn't like that because i would feel like when would you see your partner at all then?? its nice to do things all together, and atleast if both of you are there then you can take one each while you are out, if need be?
if you think they behave better then maybe do a split of some times all together and some quality time one on one for each child? whatever works for you would be fine, i think it should be fine to vary it?

It's really nice for one child to do something with one parent and get all the attention, once in a while. DS 1 loves swimming; DS 2 likes football. So we split up, it's not befcause we'd be together all the time that we'd be a better family. My kids are 18 months apart they they play together most of the time, but it's nice for them sometimes to have all the attention of one parent, and also to develop their own interests. DS1 is into dinosaurs, DS2 likes boats. So we split up sometimes for museum visits. DS1 likes tennis, DS2 likes his bike.They don't have to be together all the time.

Also, DS2 has a speech delay and his big brother can be overwhelming at times because he is quite bossy and talks all the time. When DS2 is with one of us, he speaks a lot more. I think it's quite positive to split them up at times.

We had a six month period at about that age where we did most things as two pairs. We'd all go to ghe same place but then split off for most of the time.It didn't last and was definitely the better option. Once our younger son was a but older they started getting on so much better.

We've often found splitting up and taking one each has a good effect on their behaviour. The age gap between our two is pretty small (2 minutes ) so not quite the same.

I think they really benefit from the one on one attention and DH and I both find it more relaxing than refereeing squabbles a lot of the time. We do go out together as well, but found splitting up was crucial when they were going through a particularly combative phase. They're 4 now and it's a lot easier out and about than it was and they seem to enjoy doing things together more, the last 6 months or so.

DDs are 2.10 and just turned 1. (21mths apart)

We do most things together but seem to sort out a kid each. Ie swimming. DD1 is a complete Daddys girl so he will sort out her getting changed and swim with her, where as I will concentrate more on the baby. Still together though. We will swap kids for a bit so that we can each spend time with them.
Weekends are about family time and DH being able to spend time with both the girls.

Yeah they fight, but what siblings dont at some point.

I'd say, do a mixture of both. You need times all together to help glue the family together, but also there's no point in forcing it when the particular activities and interests just aren't in step.

I ahve been having this thought - since I realised how miuch easier things are with one child. I went to a huge shopping centre with DS the other weekend and enjoyed it - more than I would have done on my own. If DH takes either child out (usually DS as he's older and needs mroe wearing out) I can get so much done with just DD.
So we try to go for a mixture - ssometimes I taken both and let him have some alone time, sometimes he does the same for me, sometimes we divide and conquer and sometimes we do family stuff. We do try to arrange one family 'thing' every weekend, even if it's just a trip to the supermarket

2.5 and 1.1 here, we do everything together at the w-end except for an hour of football for ds1 with his dad.
when we are at the park, we each follow one Ds bc Ds1 has a habit of disppearing and Ds2 has just started to walk. so we are togther at the playground, but separetely iykwim

Interesting.
This hadn't occurred to me until recently when a friend was sounding off. She has always insisted they do everything as a family. Her 3 children are teenagers and the 14 year old was rebelling at being "forced" to watch her sister at a concert.
My approach has always been that we do a mixture. All together if everyone wants to or split up if the activity suits one child and not the other.