How soon to put baby into its nursery?... and the 'routine'

[misslavery]

I'm pregnant with my first child (oct) and have started reading parenting books to get a feel of what I'm in for. 'Baby Secrets' - Jo Tantum has come highly recommended on this site and I'm thinking of giving the 'routine' a shot.
Both my sister and sister in law have a 7 week & a 4 month old and they are having a nightmare trying to settle these babies into any kind of sleeping or feeding pattern and it's driving them to distraction. I'd like to try to start a routine from day 1 (given my baby is healthy etc)
I realise that it won't be easy!
Is putting the baby into their nursery to sleep at night from day 1 a realistic idea? Has anybody done this somewhat guilt free and with success?
Thank you very much!

IMO, you should see how you feel when the baby is born.

Also, babies are all different. In my antenatal class, there were 2 babies that started sleeping through for 12-13 hours in their own rooms at around 12 weeks old. Mine didn't . You have to see what your baby is like as well.

I don't think many people are able to put the baby in their own room from day 1. Certainly in the first few days, you may feel hugely protective of the baby and not want him/her more than a few inches away from you. Having said that, some people do put their babies in their own room immediately. You should bear in mind, however, that the SIDS guidelines state for your baby to remain in your room for 6 months. I think so they can hear your breathing to regulate their own.

Just see how you go - you can choose what you do when the baby comes.

If you put your baby in a different room (not recommended) you will spend hours wandering around the house at night. A huge benefit of having the baby near you is that you don't have to actually get up to feed it. Do you really want to have to get out of bed (several times a night) to sit in your baby's room?

FWIW my firstborn slept through the night from 7 weeks old. DC2 was almost 3 years old before he slept through. All babies are different. All of mine were fed on demand (I don't do routine), but the eldest 2 had a regular sleep at 11.20am from a couple of months old, of their own volition.

I wouldn't put baby in their own room from birth as a matter of course, because it has been shown to increase the risk of cot death. If none of you are getting any sleep then possibly reconsider then - but I'd start from the ideal - then you have wiggle room! - and work outwards from that.

Not going to say much about a routine because it wasn't what I did, only to say don't tie yourself in knots over it. If a routine works for you then that's great, if it's not working and you're getting stressed over it, stop trying and go with the flow. Nothing you do in the early days will set anything in concrete - habits can be changed and the baby hasn't necessarily read the book you have

There is no right or wrong here, do what feels best for you. I know people who had their kids in their own room from the get go and others who still have school age children in with them.

First of all read up, depending on the kind of person you are certain approached to sleeping and routine will suit you better. The more research you do the more informed you'll be, but be prepared to change your mind when your baby does arrive!! You might find you feel completely differently about things or what suits your particular circumstances is not what you thought.

In the early days flexibility is key, imho (unless you are a devoted adherent to Gina in which case not so much - structure, structure,structure!) and a certain amount of trial and error needs to be employed.

Thank you everyone; these are brilliant suggestions and I think yes the key is to be flexible. You are all so right when you say that it really will depend on how i feel when the baby comes along. I have had my doubts on whether i could put my newborn on their own into the nursery straight away.
I really appreciate your advice & thank you

I have a 14 week old DD and do a loose kind of 'Gina-Lite' routine which works for us. My advice would be that if having some kind of routine/struture is important to you, then go for it, but I would caution against deciding which one you're going to do right now, as you might be putting pressure on yourself and a lot depends on how you cope and what your baby is like.

By all means read up a few ideas, and be prepared to be a bit flexible, and then you will discover what works for you.

Mumsnet can be a bit anti-routine on the whole, but as a new Mum I found it very useful having books and routines to hand to give me an idea of e.g. when DD would need to sleep etc. as it takes time to get to know your baby and his/her cues. As long as you don't use them as a stick to beat yourself up with then you should be fine.

Having said that, I can't imagine having had a 'routine' from day 1. The world was completely upside down for around 4 weeks, then I started to get my groove a bit. There are also all sorts of things that might make a very fixed routine impractical in the early days - weight loss, feeding issues, colic, reflux etc. so you do have to roll with it a bit. However, I'm glad I do now have a routine that works for us.

D

PS we moved DD into her own room at about 4 weeks, which I know goes against SIDS advice as having your baby in your room is thought to be slightly safer up to 6 months. However, there are pros and cons to either arrangement so you have to weigh that up personally.

the SIDS guidelines recommend that the cot be in your room until the child is 6 months old.

Don't expect to get into a routine for a while, it won't happen!

and I'm in the same boat as you - panicking how the baby is going to fit into my life

good luck :)

My four month old is on her own room and generally sleeps well, and I've also managed to get her into a routine for naps during the day too. She slept through from 10wks and was in her own room from 12wks. A lot of people on here would disagree with this however it had worked for me and she is a very happy and content baby.

However I don't think it is possible to get them into a routine in the first few weeks, so don't stress yourself with it and just go with the flow. After the first few weeks I started the bed routine first, bath,feed, bed at roughly the same time every night to get them used to the difference between day and night. Then when you've got that cracked I'd go for the naps.

You haven't said how you plan to feed, so ignore me if this isn't relevant ...

If you plan to breastfeed then it would help you to get an idea of what a breastfed 'routine' (rhythm is probably a more appropriate word) looks like in the early days by talking with bfing mums whose babies are a few months old. Being prepared for very frequent feeding for comfort, nutrition and to establish your milk supply in the beginning certainly helps. In that way you won't end up wondering why they're not going X hours between feeds, X hours between sleeps etc. despite some of the books telling you that they 'should' - you'll know that at the beginning that's not the way babies were designed to function so there'll be less frustration. Bear in mind that books that advocate routines from the newborn stage may actively interfere with establishing a successful bfing relationship.

Other than "if in doubt, try feeding them!", the best advice anyone ever gave me for the newborn days was beginning to help them get used to the difference between day and night from very early on - making sure that they were somewhere dark and quiet after bedtime and making sure that during the day things were light and reasonably noisy. My DDs naturally began sleeping more in the night and less in the day in response to this, and it really didn't require much effort!

Good luck and hope that the above advice re: bfing is not too presumptuous

Thank you for your advice; it has really helped. My husband and I have read everything you have all suggested and we feel a bit less overwhelmed by the books!
To answer your question FrozenNorth Pole I hope to breastfeed and I will definately try to establish the day / night routine. Thank you Sweeteuphoria for that also.
Nicklebabe; wishing you good luck :)
Deliaski's we like your 'lite' routine style;

Many thanks x

As I sit here with my 24 day old DD asleep on me (because she won't sleep anywhere else during the day) I would say read everything but be prepared that certainly for the first 4 weeks (given that's all I know about) it seems that the baby makes the decisions not you. I had all sorts of ideas about feeding/sleeping etc (I think it's impossible not to) and to be honest none of them have panned out.

Caveat: I am working on 4 hours sleep a day and as I said DD is only 24days old so I may well be talking crap!

MissL,

I found that my baby just gradually established her own routine as time went by, though I know that's not the case for everyone...perhaps wait and see what your baby is like, nowadays it seems quite unusual to try to get a newborn into a routine.
Lots of people talk about how it can be a bit of a nightmare getting babies to change their habits when they are older, but for me I think it would be more of a nightmare trying to enforce separation and routine on a vulnerable newborn that has been inside you for all this time. I have found myself and my baby happiest treating the first three months as the 'fourth trimester', where I responded to her every need immediately, hoping that by ensuring that she always feels secure, she will learn to be happily independent as she grows and as she spends more time away from me or not having her needs immediately met.
Sometimes it's hard to decide what to do if you read too much...just see what feels right to you when your baby comes along...and congratulations, by the way!

ChoChoSan - fourth trimester is a really lovely way of looking at it

I thought ours would be in our room in Moses basket for a month at least, but we just disturbed each other and she hated the basket so much we got rid of it by week 3 (she was almost grown out of it anyway by then - long baby). She settled straight away in the cot in her own room and by 6 weeks old she's started to sleep through the night. The only sleep issues we've had are starting now she's 8 months and seem to be linked to seperation anxiety. I think you'll only know what suits once your baby arrives.