How do I answer my 3yo DD's questions about death?

[ClapTrap]

No one we know has died, I think the idea became an interest to her when we ran over a frog and had to explain why it wasn?t moving anymore.

She was only 3 last month, but has asked questions almost daily for the past week. She wanted to know what dead meant. We are atheist and explained that the body stops working. Then she wanted to know what happens to your body. So we likened it to food going off and explained that the body had to be buried. (I couldn?t bring myself to mention cremation; I thought it might frighten her.) Now she wants to know where bodies are buried. I?ve thought about taking her to a cemetery so that we can see the headstones and talk about the bodies that are buried there ? but would this be taking it too far? I just thought it would help her understand. We never bring the subject up, we just try to answer her as honestly and as simply as possible ? but she is asking in more and more detail. I am not sure what is appropriate and what is plain morbid. Has anyone had to deal with this with such a young child?

Hi,
My Dad died when my son was 2 yrs and 4 months old. Obviously my distress and grief were hard to completely shield him from (although I tried) and he wanted to know why I was distressed.

I explained death in the manner that you have really, our bodies don't work anymore and then we die (although with a bit of added afterlife as we have a Christian faith). I think that's the best way. They are so matter of fact at that age. It's the right time to be introduced to the idea of death ( preferably without a close relative to emphasise it though!), then when they face it for real - with someone they know well, and they are more knowing -it's less frightening. I think a visit to the cemetery wouldn't hurt at all. (Dad was cremated but I have so far avoided it with my DS who is nearly 5 now)

FWIW I think you are doing exactly the right thing.

Just answer as honestly as you can without frightening her. If she wants to know where people are buried then I don't see that showing her a cemetery is morbid at all - it's just answering her question.

Like Shivster, my dad died when ds1 was 2 and a half, and for a good while he asked constant questions, which was very had to deal with whilst grieving, but I'm glad that we didn't try and fob him off. We also avoided the subject of cremation at the time as I couldn't face explaining it. However, we did end up talking about it this weekend (he's 5 and a half now). The Zombies coming out of graves in Michael Jackson's Thriller video started it , believe it or not (his cousin is going through a MJ phase at the moment, bizarrely) and led on to him asking where grandad is buried. It seemed like the right time to explain that grandad was cremated - like the jedis in Star Wars no less. I, and he, could cope with it now. I don't think he could have at 3.

My DD (4.5) has lived through the death of her grandfather (aged 2+) the stilbirth of her sister (aged 2.5) and knows that her granny died just before she was born so this is a topic we have really had to deal with.

All along we have answered questions as clearly and factually as we could without over loading the issue (Grandad's heart stopped working, DD2s heart wasn't working so we couldn't bring her home).

Only recently has she asked what graveyards are for and we have told her that the stones are there to remember people after they have died and that her sister has one but we haven't gone into burial yet as she hasn't asked about what happens to the bodies but we will when she does.

In our situation she needed to understand grieving or at least that our grief wasn't because of anything to do with her which was a bit more complicated.

Thanks for the reassurance - it is good to know other people have addressed this issue early on, but I am sorry it was because of losing a loved one. We will just carry on as we've been doing and take a trip to the cemetery.

I apologise for the weird punctuation in my post - it didn't look like that when I wrote it

My mother used to tell dd when she was tiny about people going back to the earth to help flowers and trees grow and to keep the world working She was very matter of fact about it and I think that's the best way to be. At her (my mother's) funeral recently my brother read an extract by Brian Cox about is all being stardust and part of the universe and my dd - now 15 - said that was what her grandma had told her when she was little.

Seeker - just went to find that Brian Cox thing - how cool! Thank you!

Where did you find it, claptrap? I've looked online and couldn't.