Help with painfully shy & scared 4 year old

[Praline]

DD2, just turned 4, starts school this year, been in pre-school 18M. Loves preschool & chats happily to the ladies & friends. Chats happily to 1 or 2 of my friends, fine at home with older brother, sister & us. However, Scared or bees, bugs of any sort, ants, feathers, the toilet (still using potty despite very expensive loo seats) the swing (still goes in baby swing), wind, thunder, the sea, was scared of dogs until we got two, now is not, will not talk to anyone, little old ladies, work colleagues, I can see her trying to force herself to speak and sometimes she does. In the park today the baby swings were occupied so I made her sit on the proper swing, told her to hold tight & gently swung her, and said that if she held on, she would not fall - there was some progress. Oh, also spiders. SHould I just make her do stuff? Or should I allow her to find her own way with things, I worry about school, she will be tiddly little thing in the corner!

She's only 4 and every child is different.
As long as she talks happily to family and friends she knows well, I wouldn't worry.
She is clearly trying hard and the things you describe her as being scared of are not unusual or unreasonable. My DCs are scared of most those to some degree too.
My DD is 4 too and is also very shy. She never speaks to strangers and often has difficulty greeting people she knows quite well.
On occassion I try to push her when I feel it is necessary, but other than that I try to give her space. She is aware of her own shyness and she deals with it in her own way.
They are still small and the world is a big and scary place.
You should give her opportunities, but not worry if she choses to stand back from them.
Don't worry about school, she may take a little longer to settle than some other children, but once she does she will make her own place and will be fine.

Thanks. She is always saying when she grows up she is going to be a ballet teacher, so today I said lets go to lessons, its in the village hall this pm, but I would have to leave her, and she got all teary, and said she "might need to tell me somthing" when i had gone, bless her.

My DD too loved the idea of ballet lessons.
I found a good school nearby and took her to one lesson.
She stuck to my leg like glue and resolutely refused to let me leave the room.
After that she refused to go to any more lessons and swears now that she will never take lessons in anything outside school again.
I am also the only mother who has to stay at every birthday party because she refuses to go unless I do.
I find this really hard to deal with because I was never shy as a child. She gets it from her father.
Luckily DS is much more outgoing, so I am looking forward to enjoying activities with him when he gets a bit bigger.