Talk to me about weaning my child from the television please!

[workatemylife]

I start by holding up my hands and admitting that this is all my own fault! I'm pregnant with DC2, and, during the long, but fortunately now ended, months of morning noon and night sickness, I've got stuck in a rut with DC1. Like most pre-schoolers, I imagine, DC1 used to have a couple of firm favourites, and there were one or things that we have watched together and used as the basis for silly games and activities afterwards. But while the sickness was in full swing, I confess to having used the TV to paper over the cracks. Now, though, DC1 wants it on all the time. The first request in the morning is usually something to do with the television, which I find sad, because we used to cuddle up and read books, potter round the house etc. Getting out of the house in the morning has become a battle-ground - on Saturday DC1 wanted to stay in and watch television rather than go on a playdate, and heels were firmly dug in. I just switched the TV off, and waited until the protests had died down, and we did, eventually, get in the car. We don't have a TV in the kitchen, so there are no TV-dinners, but getting DC1 to the table for breakfast is causing arguments.

So here's my dilemma. I really don't want to have life dictated by a box in the corner of the room (which is two-faced of me, because for a few weeks I gave the impression that I would be happy with this). For the last few days I have been trying to set some limits - for example that it is okay to watch TV in the morning while mummy is getting dressed, but that once we are both dressed and ready to play, it goes off at the end of whatever programme is being watched. But the ensuing tantrum is pretty wearing, even if I have an alternative activity to offer. I'm seriously considering going cold turkey. As far as I know DC1 is unaware that there is a plug behind the TV which would affect its ability to be switched on, but I feel bad about using lies as discipline. Could watching a programme be a reward for something else - good behaviour, getting ready quickly, completing some other kind of (more fun?) activity, something that can be watched after A,B, and C have been finished. But I still need to get past the screaming in protest phase!

I'm coming away from this with the lesson that two months is long enough to build up bad habits with a toddler. How long to unbuild them? Help!

I would avoid letting it be a reward - that gives it power. I would agree which programs he gets to watch, and switch on for those and off straight after. Yes the tantrums are wearing - specially when you're pg and tired - but sometimes you just have to get through them.

I would try and get into the rule of no TV in the morning because once it is on it is very hard to turn off - as you say, the tantrums are very wearing - can you hide the remote? I wish I had been much tougher when my DS was younger because I am still repeating the same rule 'no TV in the mornings' - he is 10 now .

Oh, I let mine watch Tv after doing homework/tidying up etc.
I don't understand how that gives it power. Well, kind of.

The more you switch it off, the more dc will get used to it.
Ds2 is happily playing with trains and animals now, but later when i need him to not follow me around house i'll switch it on.

Won't take long to unbuild them. Do it in a day if you really want everyone to be sad

I always record a range of educational/fun/ and new stuff so all i play is what I recorded. Then it goes off.

Offer something else fun - so there won;t be any screaming.

get dvds of their favourite shows, then only one or two episodes can be watched before the tv has run out of programmes for the day

ds is the same, he is whinging for dinosaurs inc(aka monsters inc) at the moment.

I am letting the DCs watch far too much TV, and I mean far too much. I am not even pregnant so can't have that as a reason. I fully admit to using it as a reward (if DS does a wee on the potty for eg, he can watch one peppa pig) and as a babysitter while I do the housework. I also let them watch it when I am knackered and want to sit down for a rest. Or when I am cooking. Thinking about it, the TV is on most of the day most days. It is awful. And also of my own doing.

But! We didn't have power for two and half days in Feb, so had no choice but to not watch TV. And, although DS asked, he did take it quite well that there was no TV.

Now, when I am trying to take myself in hand more than anything, I just switch it off at the plug. No lying about it, just switch it off and tell the DCs there is no more TV. I then get some toys out, and start playing with them, and then wander off to do some cooking or house work or somesuch. Or, I tell myself that they can only watch it when I am cooking dinner, so not until 4.30/5pm until dinner is ready. That is still 1.5 hours.

I agree though that using TV as a reward doesn't really work, as once its on, its harder to switch off. So, not switching it on in the first place is your (and my ;)) best bet.

My sil has a Freeview+ box and records my nephew's favourite programmes, so he doesn't watch much/any live tv but gets 30 minutes of whatever at a set time once a day (and no adverts!).

I do similar with our laptop in that ds watches most of his programmes on that using iPlayer and once it's done it's done - you don't get the pester factor of the coming-up-next trailer.

I have noticed though, that at my mum and dad's where the tv is never on when he's around he just doesn't ask for it, so if you can break the habit with a few days of cold turkey it might help.

OP, the good news is that two months is also long enough to break the habit. You just have to ride out the tantrums in the meantime, I think. Go back to only allowing TV at a certain time of day (ours is 5-6pm, so I can say 'no, silly, it's not TV time, look, it's nice and sunny' like it's a natural law and not me being arbitrary), and for a certain length of time. They adjust quickly to new rules.

Every time we slip, and i did when I was down with fatigure/MS in first tri as well, the demands ramp up, but DD adjusts fast as long as we're consistent.

Why not just switch it off permanently for a few days and no one, adults included watch? Get used to it and start again differently.

Thank you very much for the replies! I think I might try the fixed time of day for TV as a starting point - it is easy to get sucked into the 'just five more minutes / one more thing' argument. We do have stuff recorded, which you're right, does cut down the trailers, ads etc, but also opens the door to the wanting another one whinge, and means that the favourite programmes are, in theory, available 24/7. However, if we agreed that there were certain things that could be watched, and that there was a time of day (not mornings) when the TV could go on, it might make the whole thing more self contained. As some of you have said, not switching it on in the first place is the obvious solution, even if we have to grin and bear it for a few days

Fixed tv times works for us as well.
dd1 (4) is allowed tv from 4pm. as we're often out and about, this means a lot of the time it only goes on between dinner and bath. Also, once weekly, we have a DVD at lunchtime when dd2 naps. I know this sounds a bit regimented but otherwise it is too tempting for me to park her in front of it when I'm feeling lazy.