What do your kids call their

[LooneyLaura]

My FIL has this women, I suppose girlfriend, whom both DH and myself cant stand.
We have to be civil with her as not to upset FIL. But ever since DD has been old enough to understand what to call the grandparents, they, not us, have called her Nannie. She is now 2.8yrs.
DH and I have spoken to FIL about this before, about the fact we dont want our kids calling her Nannie, but it seems like they do it even more since we have said this.
He just says that she isnt going anywhere and we have to get used to the fact that she is part of the family.
I think he feels sorry for her or something as her only child doesnt have kids and probably won't for some time. Hence missing out on the whole being a Nannie thing.
We had an arguement with her a couple of months ago and our departing words were "And your NOT Nannie, you're (her name)". I hope she gets the message now.
I feel like our own feelings have just been chucked out the window just to accomodate her wanting to be called Nannie.
I wanted to know if anyone else is or has been in this situation and what have you done about it?

That should have said....
What do your kids call their "Non" Grandparents?!

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Message withdrawn

i dont really see why your kids cant call her nannie. Does it really matter? Why confuse them?

We called our step grandad "Grandad xxx" (xxx = his name).

Difficult one for you, if you don't get on.

Our situation is slightly different.

My grandma was married to my step-grandfather. TBH I didn't really know him that well; he is now dead sadly (esp for my grandma). We did see him at Christmas type events. I never called him Grandad, I used his firstname. Our DD also never used Grandad alone, but Grandad xxx (his first name) - simply out of politeness I guess; I felt uncomfortable for her to use just his name when so young (she is 3yo).

DH's grandad is married to a second wife, following his wifes death. They have now been married over 10 years and she is a lvoely lady, although I know MIL was concerned at the time. However, we do all get on very well and she adores DD. DH uses her first name. However, DD always callls her Grandma, which we are more than happy with and it was us that started that.

I call me evil step grandmother from hell by her name if i have to talk to her at all!

Is your MIL still alive? If so, I would feel unhappy about calling the girlfriend Nannie too - but I guess if she isn't, then she will be Nannie to the kids. I can understand how you feel though. Is she good to the kids?

No, MIL died a couple of week after meeting DH, so never met her.
I suppose its not so much that she wants to be called Nannie, more the fact that they just assumed that and didnt bother asking us if that was ok?!

looneylaura,we have an almost exact situation.FIL has had one wife(divorced now),one partner(she was dumped) and now a new one,well she's been around for a few years.That's just since dd was born 14 yrs ago.the latest woman has the same name as my dd so it's quite confusing for ds who's 3.She keeps saying why don't the kids call me "oma" (dh family are south african).DD refuses as she can't bear the woman,so we politely refuse and just go on calling her by her first name.She will eventually either give up or leave i guess.

I know it sounds petty but dh and I just cantbe arsed to get to know her as she's irritating and she's number 5 since i met dh .

don't know the answer but I've had a good rant thanks

We cant stand FIL girlfriend either.
I know that DH's sister only feels the same and she will go through this when her DS(8m) starts calling her Nannie as that is what she is being called.
Also, just had DS and dont want him to call her Nannie either.

dh's mother died before the children were born, and my FIL has now been with a new partner for ten years. The children call her by her first name, although I rather hoped that they might call her something special, probably not Nanny, as they are the youngest grandchildren, so it might be a bit odd if they were with their cousins, but something to show that she has a sepcial relationship with them. How long has your FIL been with his partner, and how committed a reltaionship is it? My mother made it quite clear that she didn't like my boyfriend even though we were obviously going to be together for the long run, and I found it very hard that she woudn't accept him as part of the family (although this changed once we got married). It doesn't sound from your post like you are being very respectful of your FIL's choice, although I can understand the "specialness" of being a Nannie. I am wordering if the circumstances of your FIL being with this woman are upsetting you and your dh maybe?

Know what you means about not being arsed to get to know her as I think this women is the vilest on the planet (behind my step father, who DOESNT get called grandad, wont let him!)

when my gran remarried her husband was called by his first name by all of us... he never tried to be something he wasn't

It's a bit complicated.
DH's mother died and 4 months later his dad got together with this women. He was married for 25yrs so doesnt know how to be alone and cant be alone, I think. FIL and this women have had a stormy relationship and broken up many times and obviously got back together and some grovelling by him.
We see him being treated like shit and he takes it. She talks to us like we are the lower class of the family (my DH is forces, which she thinks is not a proper job! or something). She has a DD who is 30 and cant hold down a relationship let alone marry and have kids, hence wont be called Nannie from her own grandkids.
I just feel like we have not been consulted about it. We have never got on with her and FIL knows our feelings about her.

The arguement we had a couple of months agao was about the way we talk to our DD.
She was covered in X's makeup after many times by DH and myself to X to take the makeup off her and DH said "You smell like a cheap tart", jokingly to DD and we laughed it off.
Later as we were getting ready to go, FIL and X were upstairs with X saying, "well, I dont like the way they talk to her and wont stand by a watch them turn her into a ..." unsure of the specifics.
I overheard (was said loud enough to hear) and said I wouldnt come back into her house again.
She then came down and DH went off at her and we left.
DH has had many rows and convos with his dad about this. Apparently X is distraught that we wont let her see DD (we do live 2.5 hrs away tho). I am not going to be dictated to about how I bring my child up. DD is a well rounded, naughty but nice, child.

OK Laura, fair enough! My FIL's partner is fairly inoffensive and FIL is obviously happy, so I guess it is a very different situation. I just know that my SILs found it difficult to accept that their dad had "replaced" their mum so fast (also within a few months), and wondered if that was the issue for you. Obviously not. But then FIL has been very tentative about his relationship (like not getting married) because he has worried about his children's reactions - so definitely no Nannie issues there.

FIL and vile girlfriend were going to get married, even had an engagement party. After much discussion from DH and his sister, FIL decided against it and are now just living together in her house, so should anything go wrong, where does FIL go? One of the other things we dislike as it is not a family home we can go to. It's "her house".

Have to say that it isn't a comptetition to "hold down a relationship" or "marry and have kids". Sounds like you're judging her daughter in just the same way that you think she's judging your DH.

Anyway, getting of my high horse, I guess you could either:

1. stick to refusing to call her Nannie, either in your own home or hers. Call her by her own name, and make sure that your DD knows to call her this name. If she calls herself Nannie your DD will soon think she's nuts, which she may well be if she's disregarding your feelings to this extent. or,
2. compromise and call her Nannie X (her name). That way she'd be happy as she'd get the Nannie bit, and you'd be happy as by using her name aswell it kind of removes her from being a straightforward grandma.

After having that arguement and following convos with his dad, I have actually decided to be the bigger person and allow her to be Nannie X.
As far as competing with her DD, this is not the case. We dont see her very often and isnt in the equation. Just stating why X is desperate to be in the gang!!
DD is actually calling her Naughty Nannie at the moment as when she asked why I was upset, I said Nannie had said some horrible and naughty words and I didnt like them. She has chosen to call her Naughty Nannie, not I.