Going From Two to Three?

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We swore we never would.... but now that my 2nd DC has turned one, I find myself increasingly thinking of having another... So, to those of you who've done it (had a third, that is ), what was/is it like?

A bit of background: DS is four and DD is one. I'm a SAHM, DH works more than full time. On the plus side, DS would be in school full time if/when we have another one, and I do get a few hours' babysitting help for DD - which is heavenly, cos on the minus side, we have no family around (like lots of people, obviously) and DH works loads, though he's fab when he's here. Oh, and I'm 33.

What was it like for you? Should we go for it?!

(And yes, I will base this fundamental life decision on the answers of strangers on the internet )

Similar situation, DD1 is almost 5, DD2 is 21 months and DD3 is 8 weeks. Having 3 is tough but definitely worth it. I never would have felt complete without a third. BUT it makes a huge difference to everything, we've had to rethink our working situations, the cars (make sure yours can fit 3 car seats in the back) the sleeping arrangements (especially when visitors come) we didn't really think it all through till I was pregnant already. It is a bigger change than going from 1 to 2 so make sure your prepared for it!

Oh, niamh thanks so much for replying! We're actually moving to a house with three bedrooms for the two kids we have (go figure what I am cunningly planning....) and space downstairs for visitors (big difference from current situation - I hear you totally on the No Room At The Inn front....). RE: work, I'll still be SAHM (which will mean a total career break of 8 years, and yes, I know this will make a difference when I go back to work). Cars - dunno. But yes, a problem...

You know, going from 0 to 1 was AWFUL for us (DS had horrible colic) and though DD was a shite sleeper at first, somehow it wasn't so bad going from 1-2. Trying to extrapolate from that what it would be like going to 3, but don't have a crystal ball....

Which is why I'm posting to MN, obviously!

Going from 0 to 1 was fine, from 1 to 2 awful, from 2 to 3 a breeze as we were up to speed by then and she somehow defused the awful sibling rivalry thing DS and DD1 had going on. Depends on your children's personalities I reckon.

We're in pretty much the same situation eldest DS is four youngest DS is one and we're planning to start trying for another shortly. I do wonder sometimes if we're a bit mad but I just think I'll regret not having one more.

We've already sorted the car and got one that fits three across the back and room for two more if necessary. Strictly speaking we're in a four bedroom house but one of the rooms is less than ideal for kids so I'm making that the guest room.

I found the first few weeks of having my first both the worst and the best time of my life if that makes any sense. Having my second was an absolute breeze he was such an easy baby. Planning a shorter age gap for the third so that worries me but DH won't let me wait as he wants the baby stage over with and I kind of agree with his point of view. So in terms of advice I'm no help but can totally understand how you feel.

I have 3 boys and the gap each time is 16 months. One was hard because he had colic. Going from one to two a challenge because now there were two opposing schedules to maintain. Two to three was much easier because once you learn how to juggle 2 routines, adding a 3rd is child's play. I am a SAHM so the work situation wasn't an issue. We have a 4 bed house but we gave the boys the biggest room and they share it. They wouldn't have it any other way. This way we still have room at the inn for the occasional visitor.

My 3 are now 6, 4 and 2 and I'm a SAHM. I found going from two to three very very hard (having had loads of people say 'Oh, the third one just slots right in....', well I can't say i found it that straightforward!), but that's just the first couple of months really, then it all gets easier. I totally love having 3. It completely changed the dynamic of the family in a brilliant way. When the youngest was born DD1 was at nursery 5 mornings a week and DD2 at home, one of the hardest things was getting us all out and about to get DD1 to nursery in the mornings and then again for pick up at midday, then when DS was 5 months old DD1 went into Reception, so 5 full days at school and DD2 started half days at nursery and I seemed to be on a never ending round of drop offs and pick ups with the baby being hoiked around all over the place and his routine all over the place (I think he spent most of his first year strapped to me in a sling as I rushed here there and everywhere like a headless chicken), so although it is definitely a plus to have one (or both) out at school the logistics of that can be a bit tricky too. I suggest you make big effort to befriend as many Mums as you can that live near you and who can help you with drop offs and pick ups! I think that if you want another baby then however hard the first few months may be you will never regret it, it's great fun.

Thanks, people! Obviously, you are all telling me what DH needs to hear as I am a convert to the idea of having three already - even Nelly (we've had a tough first three months of it both times round - this time I'd be moving my mum in for that time period - she's retired, loves the idea, and is massively helpful)

I've found it a bit of a nightmare tbh. Found 0-1 the usual struggle (i.e. adjusting to a new life), 1-2 very easy, 2-3 pretty hellish sometimes.

I got PND for the first time after my 3rd. My marriage has broken down, and my ex-H has admitted that a contributing factor to his emotional abandonment of our relationship was because he 'gave in' to my desperate urge to have a 3rd (he wanted to stick at 2).

Obviously these are quite extreme things, but on a more general level I find life so much harder. I adore all 3 of my children, it is easy to love a new child, and that love is limitless. Unfortunately what is not limitless is your time / reserves of patience. Whenever I have all 3 of them together it feels like 1 too many. When i have just 2 together it feels like the 'right' number. It doesn't matter which 2 iyswim.

Having 3 has just stretched me too far. Like you I used to post saying 'I really want a third' and had almost entirely positive answers, BUT I know lots of people in life with 3, who have admitted to me that they've found 3 children terribly challenging, and detrimental to their relationships with their H. My GP said that he often saw women coming in with depression after their 3rd child, and that the '3rd child often pushes women over the edge'.

Sorry, that's not very positive is it! I adore all my kids, but find it very hard, and found it very hard before H left as well, so it's not just to do with being a single parent.

Sometimes I wonder why I was so desperate for a 3rd, was it because I wanted to try for a girl (I have 2DS and now a DD), was it because I wanted to put off going back to work. I love my daughter, she really is the love of my life, but I know that if I could have found my peace with 'just' 2 children that the quality of my life would most definitely have been better, my parenting would still be better and possibly my marriage would still be together.

God what a depressing rant. Sorry.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Actually, it's really good to hear all arguments, so thanks, miserymoo for posting about your experience - though really sorry, obviously, that it's been so hard for you.... You know, I kind of get the opposite pressure to the one you may possibly have been feeling - I have a DS and a DD, so people assume I'm 'done' - I think, if we do have a third (which no one where I live seems to do...) that I'll get lots of raised eyebrows and a bit of 'you do know what causes that, don't you'. Can't win for losing, it seems....