How did your newborn feel...

[Tarlia]

...to you directly after birth when they were placed put on you? I thought i would ask here as didnt want to freakout the first timers in childbirth!

My baby was blue (healthy 3.5 mo now) after a pretty traumatic pregnancy and labour and I've been experiencing some vivid dreams and flash backs, which often keep me up all night. Don't want to speak to dr or HV as both are rather dismissive, and make me feel a bit stupid, so thought I'd as you lovely lot :)

I have requested my pregnancy and labour journal, so hoping once I recieve it and get that translated (not in UK) some more of my questions will be answered.

TIA

Do you think you may be experiencing some post-traumatic stress? I think it's quite usual after a difficult birth and it might explain the dreams and flashbacks. It might be worth speaking with a health professional, if you can.

I was very, very lucky in my pregnancy and birth. My DD felt like she was a part of me that was now outside of me until I looked at her more closely and realised that she was pretty obviously going to be very much her own person (as if you can really tell this from the first few moments). Also, she immediately had full ownership of my heart. I have never, ever felt such a fierce and passionate (wrong word but only one that describes the depth of it) love for anything or anyone.

Sorry to read you had a bad experiance, I to had a traumatic birth and baby was taken straight to SCBU. The best thing you can do is request your notes so you can understand what went wrong and if your like me it will help to stop blaming yourself for what went wrong.
Easy said then done but look at you baby now and know that everything that happend is in the past and enjoy him/her every second now.

Possibly, Bella, but as I said, they are pretty dismissive. Apparently everyone suffers some form of pnd after birth and it's just fine to feel different, we feel better a couple of months later, just don't make major decisions - that's what I was told a week after birth, not a how are you since.

howitis thanks, hope your baby is ok now!? I am enjoying him and really think the notes wil answer my questions so I can move on. With all the occurring problems and my preeclampsia I went into a trance probably to pain manage as my labour was 3 hours start to finish with no time to think about pain relief! I do not remember everything, then suddenly bits come back, it's odd.

I don't think I was clear in my actual question, sorry, I want to know how baby physically felt when put on you after birth...Warm, cold etc?

Tarlia sorry I can't answer your question as I didn't hold her until she was 16 hours old and by then snug as a bug in her blankets. I know what you mean about flash backs and they do fade away. My DD is a picture of health now, thank you for asking.

DD wasn't given to me straight away - she was given to DH and by the time I got her she was wrapped in a blanket. Her head felt warm though and had sticky birth gunk on it.

I was very fortunate with the birth but this part of it makes me feel sad - I didn't ask why she wasn't handed to me but am guessing it was because I was in the pool, quite shaky (was running a high temp) and had had a lot of G&A - midwife must have thought I would drop her!

Tarlia, please see if you can get some help. I don't think you should be having flashbacks and dreams. Not everyone suffers PND or stress, etc. The alleged "baby blues" is very different from PND and certainly isn't Post Traumatic Stress.

I think, actually, that DD was "cool" against me. Not cold but definitely not hot either. She may have felt cool against me because I was hot (hospitals always tropically hot) rather than because she was cool, if you see what I mean? I asked for her to be given straight to me, without being cleaned up.

I promise this is my last word on the subject as I am not an expert and am probably irritating you but this site might be thought provoking for you.

What sort of dreams are you having? Is it the one where you've lost her in the bed? That's incredibly common - one mumsnetter reported that she actually ripped the mattress open trying to get her baby out. Are you dreaming/ flashing back to the actual events?
Both DD and DS felt normal body temperature when they were put on to me.

How interesting Octaviapink, DH and I simultaneously had the 'lost baby in the bed' thing a few days after we had DD- she meeped in her moses basket which stopped each of us panicking and saying 'it's ok, I've got her'

a completely not expert pov, but i recall on one born every minute a midwife explaining as she handed a newborn over that he was blue because he was born very quickly...she didn't go in to any more detail other than saying it was very normal in quick deliveries. I think from the camera you could see that the cord had been wrapped round the babies neck, though she didn't mention that on camera iirc. Hope that doesn't freak you out, 'tis very common though of course may not have been the case with your baby.

I would report your hv for that shocking advice and seek further help re the dreams etc.

Certainly seek further help x

Ds had to be given oxygen at birth and I was in and out of conciousness so hardly remember getting to hold him first.

I has a traumatic birth - consented to a cs but then they managed to get DD with forceps in operating theatre. DD was also born without one limb which had not been detected on scans - so a horrific day all round.

A yr later a friend told me she had been referred to a midwife counsellor at the hospital I delivered at. Was suprised no one had thought to refer me but seemed little known about.

She was excellent - went through the notes, explained things and reassured me that if there was another prenancy how things could be managed differently.

I know you are not uk but could you see if there is a midwife or consultant offering a similar service.

I'm trying to remember how mine felt. 2 DDs both placed naked on me immediately. First was quite blue, second more grey/blue. Both were healthy babies with no complications.. Neither felt particularly warm or cold, and I think I was too shocked to feel much at all. not the overwhelming love some people describe, more surprise in the case of dd1 (did that really work? What do I do now?) and calm relief in the case of dd2.

Not sure if this helps, but just as all births are different, so are the feelings afterwards. If your memories are bothering you, do ask for help.

Hey all, sorry for vanishing, was away for a wedding! Thank you for the replies.

Bubs was definatly cold when put on me while the MWs rubbed vigorusly with towel to get him breathing while he was on my stomach, I just needed to know if that was how he should havefelt, or if it was to do with the breathing as that is still freaking me out - though it feels stupid as he is snug as a bug, probably snoring, in his cot as I type now.

Moon Interesting that it culd have been because he was born quickly, wonder if that could that also be why we kept losing his heartbeat with the head monitor too hmm... So many questions!

Although, I guess it all could be because of my pre-eclampsia too. I've really not been debriefed and the more I sit here thinking about it, the more I think I should have been. Still, I guess if there is a next time it'll be consultant care, so hopefully I'll get a decent debrief then. Looking at my labour, and am not expert, not in the slightest, I really wonder why I wasnø't taken for a EMCS.

Interesting about the baby in the mattress dream, I've had several of those, ie I've squashed baby etc and bolt up in bed in panic. Or he isn't breathing and have to poke him to make sure. - but thought those pretty normal..!?

Dr did say at my 8 week check that when my journal arrives I can book an appointment to talk about it, so I may just do that if my questions are not answered by reading my notes.

Bella thank you for the website, I will have a good read of it.

There was a thread in chat recently about mothers going into a trance during labour. I'll see if I can find it, reading others accounts may reassure you that you're not alone.

here you go