Please help me build a plan to build DS's self-esteem...

[FluffyHamster]

Background:
DS2 is one of youngest in class. Socially and emotionally a bit immature. Academically average (but good considering age relative to classmates).

He really has very poor self-esteem. Hates trying new things. Says 'I am rubbish'. Gives up easily.

Not good at sport. His strengths are probably more artistic - drama, possibly music (but hates practising) and isn't really that good relative to peers again.

The whole situation isn't helped by the fact that he has a very talented, academically gifted older brother who has loads of friends and just breezes through life easily

I need a plan for DH & I to work on to really build DS2's self esteem. I am really worried he is going to become 'typecast' and stuck in his current mindset.

He certainly has talents, but he is never the 'very best' IYSWIM so he always just says 'X is better than me... why bother?'

What can we do differently? I really need some strategies and a plan !

"It's not a competition, its about doing your best." - Something my mum always said to me as a child. I'm an August baby too so as a young child I always felt I was behind and struggled and my older brother who is a January baby found everything so easy. How old is your DS? Being the youngest in the year can be hard but it does tend to even itself out by secondary school and IMO makes you more prepared to work harder. I know the line sounds silly but it sticks in my mind and when that failed she would remind me that someone is always better at someone else at something.

Best to avoid any comparisons between siblings as they pick up on it and it is really detrimental to their confidence. An example being a boy I teach who's younger brother is more gifted in maths than him, his father commented on this and the elder brother now thinks he is a lot worse at the subject than he is. it also hasn't helped the younger one who now believes he is a lot better than he really is.

It is difficult to suggest strategies as what would work for one wouldn't work for everyone. I know my parents would not entertain such self pity and I think I am the same with kids which earns me the reputation of being harsh. Again though, nobody is "the best" at anything - soon enough someone will come along who is better at it. By pointing out some strengths he has and weaknesses of others he could just learn this.

Good luck to you both.

Catherine - he's only 8, so hopefully things WILL even out as he gets older.

Good plan to focus on beating your own record etc, rather than competing with someone else though...