what happens if you can't cope with your own children?

[BPisme]

I'm not at that point yet, but I worry so much.

I have my husband (although he works) and my pil nearby (although they are both retired and so I wouldn't want to put on them too much. The kis go to nursery part time.

I have two preschool children and mental health problems. I'm managing atm, but sometimes I really am on the verge of just ringing DH and telling him to get home from work right now as I literally can't do any more.

I really don't think it would get to that point (except temporalily in a MH crisis) but what would happen if I was really, really struggling?

This is triggered by a post on another thread where someone had said they weren't coping to a HV and it had triggered all sorts of trouble. This week I have told my mental health professionals that I am really, really struggling. She just asked me if the children were actually being fed and washed and so on, and I said yes, but most nights all I can manage is some ham from the fridge, bread and butter and whatever is ready to eat raw from the garden, and then clean nappies, pjs and bed, and she just said that is much more than most kids get.

I love my babies so much, I want the best for them. They are both having more and more tantrums, the older one threatens to move out and the baby throws herself around and often she doesn't get more than a mouthful for tea because she throws the food on the ground and shouts and thrashes about so that all I can do is get her ready for bed and give her a bottle. I worry though - she is still wearing some items of clothing tat say 3-6m and she is 18mo. Most of her clothes are either 9-12m or 12-18m though, and she was bf to 12m (with blw) so maybe she is just not used to needing a more varied diet? The older one has cream for her skin and an inhaler that I keep forgetting, although it doesn't seem to be causing problems. Still, I worry.

The only way I keep going through the most difficult evenings is by putting up a jokey status on fb from my phone and every now and again reading the replies - I suppose it makes me feel less isolated. Still, I bet people are thinking I should be looking after my kids, not messing on my phone.

The house is a tip. I look at it and just think "meh". DH does most of the housework, even though I am at home all day.

I worry that, if an outsider looked in, they would say I wasn't looking after them right, but even I can see that this can't go on.

II can't post a long reply as I'm on mmy phone, but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. You sound like me. DCs are 2 and 12 weeks, and I worry about how on earth they will get through life with a mother like me.
I manage to feed, clothe and play with them, but I'm a horrible, shouty harridan at times, and I know that I'm not coping as well as I could. DH works from home, luckily, becaise

II can't post a long reply as I'm on mmy phone, but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. You sound like me. DCs are 2 and 12 weeks, and I worry about how on earth they will get through life with a mother like me.
I manage to feed, clothe and play with them, but I'm a horrible, shouty harridan at times, and I know that I'm not coping as well as I could. DH works from home, luckily, because there's no way I'd manage if it was just me.
Sorry, that's probably been no help at all, but I wanted you to know that you're not the only one feeling like you do.

Can you register for some help with Home Start? A trained volunteer can come round regularly and give you support (moral and practical)

:( you sound like you're having a tough time of it.
I am presuming you are on medication and having some kind of therapy to help work through the issues causing your MH problems?
if not, then maybe that's somethign you could consider?

the only other thint I can suggest is a cleaner and a mother's help.
I used to work for a family who lived near me who had 6 children. I used to go over after college, help get dinner ready, help feed the children, bath the little ones and do a few bits of housework.
perhaps having someone round to help at the hardest time of the day might be useful for you?

Not sure this is much help but I bet many other people feel like this, even if they haven't (officially) got MH issues. I know I do - can totally identify with house being a tip etc. My DS also wears clothes much smaller than his size as he is just small. I imagine the HV would have raised the issue of your DD2's weight if she was concerned about it.

What help do you currently get for your MH issues? And what contact do you have with other mums of small children - baby group etc?

Your HV is right that many kids do worse than this. Ham bread and butter etc are not so bad at all, pretty healthy. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you about the cream and inhaler. It is easy to forget.