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Feeling rejected by 17mo old.

5 replies

upsetaboutthis · 19/05/2011 19:46

I'm probably being very silly, but I am genuinely upset by this.

DS is 17mo old. He has always been an independent chap but he just doesn't want me to do anything for him at the moment. He wants his daddy to do it, or grandma, or granddad. Anyone but me.

I work 4 days a week and DS has been going to nursery since January. He has settled really well. Everytime I pick him up, he's full of smiles and crawls over to me and the staff tell me what a great day he's had. Sometimes MIL and FIL pick him up early and spend the afternoon with him. DH does most of the drop offs. He cries when he's dropped off if he has been away from nursery for longer than usual eg. if we've had a long weekend, whichever of us drops him off.

When I get him home from nursery however, we go into the living room and play. Except we don't. He refuses to engage in anything other than swinging off the safety gate and shouting dadadadada until DH gets home. Then he only wants DH and cries and tantrums if he leaves him. I could go to the moon and he would happily wave me off.

It's the same on my day off work. We go out in the morning and for lunch when he's fine, but when I try and play with him, he's just not interested. Again, he goes to the safety gate and shouts for DH or just tantrums in the middle of the floor. He knocks offered toys out of my hands in fury. He's happy to sit and play with DH though.

When MIL and FIL look after him he goes to them to sit on their knee or read a book and they direct him to me and he's just not interested. He doesn't want me to do it.

Is this a phase or is he lashing out because I've left him to go back to work? Is there anything I can do to engage him better? I'm not the world's most natural parent and tbh my DH is far better at it than I am. Could it be frustration at the fact he's not walking yet? DH can carry him round for a lot longer than I can, as he's heavy.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Flisspaps · 19/05/2011 19:48

:(

It sounds like just a phase.

In a few weeks he won't want anything to do with DH, and will be all mummy.

I bet it's SO hard, but take some comfort in the fact that you're raising a confident little boy who is secure enough to go to other people :)

upsetaboutthis · 19/05/2011 20:17

Thanks Fliss. He's always been quite happy to go to others, which I have always seen as a good thing. He's always been well into DH as well, even when we EBF.

I will keep looking at the positives and hope its just a phase.

OP posts:
Iggly · 19/05/2011 21:20

Yep a phase. Bear in mind he'll be picking up on your mood too so try not to let it show too much that you're upset. I find DS withdraws a bit if DH or I are upset or bothered.

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MrsTeddy · 19/05/2011 21:54

A friend of mine had this with her son (who was also at nursery) when she went back to work. She was wracked with guilt at the time but it was just a phase and he's fine now (he's 3). My daughter (15mo) is also going through a massive "dada" phase at the moment, if I get her up in the morning rather than Daddy she spends the whole time yelling "dada" as loud as she can until he gets up. Maybe as they start to get more independent they realise how boring mummy is (Daddy lets her eat chocolate biscuits, run round the house with no nappy on, doesn't brush her teeth/hair)?!

quickchat · 20/05/2011 13:38

Your 17 month old DS is my 17 month old DD! Lets hope it's not the same Dada (haha). Smug bastard that he is!

I have came to terms with this just yesterday and have worked out what's going on.

You are there more aren't you? So you = boring, old news!

My DD does the same, on the chair at the window, dadadadadadadada
Wants Daddy/Grandma/Grandad/random old lady in the cafe, anything but me.

Picks up the book so I offer my lap - swings round insensed by the idea and goes straight to Mr Smug (DH).

Falls, I run to pick her up and she pushes me away and puts her arms to Mr Smug. (did this infront of the inlaws yesterday who then say, 'awww Daddy's girl' and look like they are really enjoying it too)Angry.

I think it's because they are more secure of our return where as Daddy, Grandparents and the old lady in the cafe seem to disappear from her life alot longer with no news of their return.

Im buying a train ticket tommorow - wanna join me. Im, convinced I should go somewhere for a few days just to shatter her over confidence in me. That will bring her down a peg or too Wink.

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