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Parenting

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Original poster

Who is more important, us or the kids?

10 replies

quickchat · 18/05/2011 22:09

I have a big decision to make and I hate decisions at the best of times so this one is a nightmare.

I merley want honest opinions to mull over as my head is going to explode.

I have a 4 yr old DS and a 17 month old DD.

My DH has built a house in the countryside. A beautiful big family home. Surrounded by trees, golf courses, beaches and wildlife.

My kids could go out to play without seeing a single car.

The school is a small and well regarded village school nearby with 8 pupils in primary 1 (aww), mixed classes. 70 pupils in total.
The High School has an excellent name and scores as high pass rates as the private schools. People often move from the city for this particular school.

The morgage is huge and we owe loads of money to my inlaws now as we went way over budget. It will be expensive to live there.

Just now We live (renting) in a city. Both sets of parents are walking distance, retired and ready to babysit at the drop of a hat. We have became so used to the support lately.

I LOVE where I live. It's also is near a beach but has literally everything on my doorstep.

We have all our friends and family around us and I have met a nice group of SAHM's who I rely on regularly.

Although we live in a city, the area im in has a fantastic and unusual community spirit and it's brilliant for young kids activities.

The catch, the only school is huge. Possibly near 750 pupils so for a primary, huge. Never well regarded and class sizes are 40, with two reachers.

Like most city's, drugs are a problem. I grew up here and I could chop off 3 fingers and count on one hand the amount of people I knew who didn't get involved in them at some point. It's alot worse now.

When I walk past the high school kids, I get depressed!

So, do I move away from everyone and everything I know to give my kids the quiet, safe country life with good schools or

or do I stay where we are all happy just now?

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SarkyLady · 18/05/2011 22:12

What does your Dh think?

Original poster

quickchat · 18/05/2011 22:13

I should say, the reason I need to act fast is, my DS starts preschool in Aug. If I don't put him in the big city preschool now, he would NEVER get in in primary one, too busy.

Also didn't mention. If we sold the build we'd could buy a smaller house with no morgage which would open up alot more family time. Holidays/weekends away and my DH could be around more.

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Original poster

quickchat · 18/05/2011 22:14

He is so fed up with the financial strain now, he wants to sell and move back here.

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PaisleyLeaf · 18/05/2011 22:14

Was the house a labour of love for your DH or would he be happy to stay in the city too?

PaisleyLeaf · 18/05/2011 22:15

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SarkyLady · 18/05/2011 22:28

Wherever you live family life is a complicated juggling act. I say if you've found a set up that works reasonably well for you right now then stay put.

Btw being in preschool doesn't affect school admissions (if that is what you meant)

Original poster

quickchat · 18/05/2011 23:03

Thanks, good point.

Not usually but this one is fit to burst and regularly has a waiting list

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SarkyLady · 19/05/2011 08:23

But being in the preschool doesn't help even if there us a waiting list.
(unless you are not in England)

pregnantpause · 19/05/2011 10:23

I think that having a happy homelife, unstressed and supported parents makes for a better childhood that parents struggling to make ends meet, who are lonely and potentially a little bit resentful of having to live where they do. A good kid can suceed in a bad school, especially with their parents support and help. And being close to gps doent just mean babysitting for you (although we all do like the break) it means for the children, being close and able to build strong relationships with their gps, which is something they will value for the rest of their lives.
But really you have to decide whats best for the family as a whole. chool is not the be all and end all of a happy fulfilled childhood. good luck

Original poster

quickchat · 20/05/2011 13:15

pregnapause I love you! Your right, I totally see everything you say.

I would be lonely, miss everything and everyone I know so I may even resent them a little later when they get to the age where they hate me anyway, lol.

I think me and DH would probably be totally fed up eventually, with him working longer and no support near by.

I just couldn't see past them only having a great childhood if they had this little village school but your right, there's so much more to it than that.

Also the point about their grandparents is also true. They adore all of them and I see how happy it makes them seeing them all of the time.

Today my mum is picking DS up from nursery and taking him into town to choose his birthday present, then he will go home to their house for lunch and a play.

We would all miss out staying there.

Ahhh, big sigh of relief.

I hadn't thought through the pre-school bit though. Your all right, it doesn't count does it, even here in Scotland.
I will have to hope the house sells and we have bought a new one in the catchment before December which is tight considering the house isn't finished and also the market just now.

Thanks everyone though, that has settled my mind....

You couldn't all choose my interiors as well could you , just can't make a decision without MN!

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