Anyone feel like talking me out of a panic attack?

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:( :( :(

Can't cope with this ATM. Halfway through my maths-based OU degree, doing well (high 90s on TMAs) but I've crashed. Seriously crashed. As in, haven't opened my books for about a month.

Late last year when I registered for these courses, I really thought I'd cope with this amount of work. I thought DH would be at least vaguely better (prolapsed disc, been off since September, now officially unemployed...), I didn't think I'd need a job quite yet, I thought we'd be able to keep DD in daycare which we can't afford now.

Everything is falling apart. Back on antidepressants because I was just not functioning, it's so much pressure trying to work for our family's future when I can't even sort out the present. I used to really enjoy disappearing upstairs to study, I LOVE maths I really do, but my motivation has vanished. Now I just don't want to do it.

But I HAVE to keep going with at least one of my courses - otherwise it won't be possible to complete the degree in 6 years, and I'll lose my funding. I can't afford the fees with a sick DH, and if I manage to find a job (haha) I can only do PT as he can't physically manage very long without me. I can't just head to the library at a moments notice anymore, and there's nobody around to help.

I've looked into help I can get but there's nothing. The interrupted study scheme doesn't cover my courses. So I figured I'll have to quit 2 of my courses and I might change my degree again (just a different type of maths one). I've barely even started the ones I'm ditching.

I'm really seriously behind on the one I'm keeping though, and I'm so ashamed. I emailed both tutors a while ago saying generally that I was struggling and what the situation is at home, they were both very understanding but I didn't overtly ask for an extension and now it's really late. I know I need to phone them but I'm so embarrassed and nervous.

Every time I think about it I feel sad and guilty, and I get that horrible anxious feeling in my chest.

I don't know what to do. Well, I do know - I need to phone my tutors and get the fuck on with my work, but I can't seem to do it. I just want to jack it all in, but I know I'll regret it if I do.

HELP. :(

I think the turmoil you are feeling will be much improved if you phone your tutors. You are not quitting, just reducing your workload at this present time. If possible I would try to keep something going to keep the funding. Your motivation will be reduced if you are depressed or over-pressurised.

Perhaaps your tutors may come up with another option that you hadn't thought of? Once the desicion is made, start with a list of what studying is to be done. Break this down into very small acheivable goals and then work this is to the time available to study. Once you start getting back into studying again you will feel better.

So make a plan to phone in the morning. Explain the situation and I am sure they will be very sympathetic and helpful. They will fully understand the issues you are going through, but cannot empathise if they don't know about it. Go on, you can do this and you will feel much better.

You are so right

Have spoken to DH and I'm going to stop two courses. Such a shame but there's no way I can cope.

I'd already made a good start on the other one, but am really behind. I know, I know, I need to talk to my tutor don't I :(

I feel like I'm so behind that it's pointless carrying on.