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Parenting

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Original poster

DS 9 months starting to tantrum

10 replies

NichyNoo · 16/05/2011 08:57

I'm looking for advice on how to deal with this please. I must start by saying I know it is normal behaviour and he is just testing the boundaries but I want to make sure that DH and I deal with it in the best way possible so that DS doesn't learn that he can get his own way by tantruming.

DS is a very happy, smiley baby. He has, however, inherited a rather stubborn side to his personality from both me and DH. Recently he has started crawling and exploring his surroundings. He seems to want to play with the things that are dangerous to him and every time we say 'no' and move him away from dangerous things he heads straight back to them. Now he has started to tantum if we say 'no' or basically don't let him do what he wants to do. Arched back, kicks his legs and screams. As soon as we pick him he stops...no matter how much he is screaming he always stops when we pick him up so I know that he isn't in pain or anything.

I just want to know if this is the best way to deal with it? We say 'no' and move him away. If he screams we don't give in. I talk to him calmly and offer him other toys to distract him. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't and I need to pick him up. Are there other techniques that work or should we just stick with this? Thank you!

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Lady1nTheRadiator · 16/05/2011 09:01

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Original poster

NichyNoo · 16/05/2011 09:04

Not dangerous per say like wires or cables...but tables that he pulls himself up on that he always slips and hits his head. Or the DVDs that he pulls out (which in itself is OK) but then he kneels on them to reach more and thus slips.

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NichyNoo · 16/05/2011 09:06

Plus he also tantrums if we dress him (which he hates) or put him in his buggy (which he hates) so not just when we move him away from 'dangerous things'.

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Morloth · 16/05/2011 09:43

I just laugh at tantrums and ensure that they never ever work.

DS1 is now 7 and hasn't tried tantrums for years - I think the last one he tried was when he was about 4, we recorded it for his 21st. DS2 at 13 months is very into histronics when told 'No' and moved, tough shit, he will get over it.

Just stick with what you are doing.

We have never childproofed our house, we prefer to houseproof the child, that way you can take them anywhere because houseproofing goes with them.

Original poster

NichyNoo · 16/05/2011 15:20

Thanks Morloth - I'm trying to avoid over-babyproofing the flat as we would end up removing everything. Hence the trying to say 'no'.

I like the laughing idea. I did try that at the weekend - it didn't stop the tantrum but DH and I ended up laughing for real as it really lightened the mood for the adults and made the tantrum less stressful

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Morloth · 16/05/2011 23:28

Tantrums are funny, look at all the stuff that happens over a lifetime and they think you are mean because you won't let them chew a power cord.

They grow out of it, wait until he starts to negotiate, that is trickier because sometimes they come up with some excellent reasons why you really should let them do what they want and you find yourself thinking 'well maybe I am being a little unreasonable', then the little buggers have you on the run.

AngelDog · 17/05/2011 23:23

At this age, it's more an expression of frustration than a 'tantrum' as such. It sounds like you're dealing with it in a positive way.

I found baby sign useful, especially 'hot', 'hurt' and 'dangerous'. It added force to what I was telling DS to stay away from.

Oh, and it helps to say what you want him to do, not what you don't want him to do. So I say 'leave the books on the shelf' rather than 'don't pull them off the shelf.

quickchat · 18/05/2011 21:32

I was a bit un nerved about this with my first. He was about 9 months when he started to kick off and I was shocked. Id sometimes give him a row!

With my second I don't bat an eyelid. It's a frustrating age.

He see's things ALL NEW and very very exciting to him and he can't think for the world why you keep stepping in and removing all the fun .

Just remove the danger and try to distract him or just comfort him when he calms down. I think if you don't get flustered or even annoyed then he will learn to be like you.

If you think about it, you know when you are out and you see these really angry, aggresive mothers, shouting at their LO's through gritted teeth and usually the LO is absolutely hysterical and lashing out with an unbelievable temper - hmmm.

He will learn by example so will hopefully learn to deal with frustration a little calmer and be a chilled out dude by the time he is 2 .

Im still working on DD, she's a little more determined!

RitaMorgan · 18/05/2011 21:37

At 9 months I don't think it's a tantrum really, just an expression of frustration.

Best way to deal is make things as safe/suitable for him as you can, and distract him - it's no fun for either of you if you're saying no all day.

Original poster

NichyNoo · 19/05/2011 11:42

Thanks for the advice. He had another blow out yesterday evening because I wiped the snot from his face .

DH and I let him lay on the floor screaming for about 5 minutes. We didn't ignore him - I was talking gently to him and offering him toys (but not in a desperate way IYSWIM). He kept opening his eyes, peeking to check we were still watching him then continuing to scream....very cute but deafening on the ears!

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