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scared children

13 replies

tamtam2 · 14/05/2011 18:27

hi i need some advice on how to help my children feel safe in there own home ,we were burgled on wednesday,and now they wont sleep in there own rooms all 3 are sleeping im my room (ages 11.12.15,) im a single parent,i fully understand why they want to because im scared too, although i dont show it or tell them ,i have brought new locks i have had to screw all the windows shut ,but i think we need to get back to normal,or am i not giving them enough time to get over it should i let them sleep in my room longer ?

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eversoslightlytired · 14/05/2011 20:07

hi there. first of all i am so sorry that this happened to you. i have no experience of this but personally i would let them be with you for a bit longer. i would imagine at their ages they will soon want their own space and will let you know themselves when they are ready to move out of your room. I hope you all can get over this.

MoreBeta · 14/05/2011 20:20

tamtam - what an awful situation. I am glad you got the house secured straight away as burglars tend to come back.

Would it be a starting point for your children if they all went and slept together in another room and you got something like a baby monitor and night light for them?

Our children (especially DS1) are frigtened of our house. Actually frightened that someone unknown is physically lurking upstairs and they took great comfort from being shown all the safety locks on the windows and being told the procedure we use to lock down our house at night. Maybe you could do that a few times too.

tamtam2 · 14/05/2011 22:52

morebeta , i have nothing left for them to come back for ,police said they wait a while for people to replace their things before they come back ,my daughter heard him say that aswell,so that hasnt helped the situation,

eversoslightytired i think i will maybe give them another week and then try ,
thankyou both for your advice

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plinkduet · 15/05/2011 18:34

No advice from the police? There must be some agency that offers advice and even financial help to assist with home secuirty improvements.

What about fitting a burglar alarm, installing a CCTV cam (real one, don't be tempted by the cheap 'realistic' versions, most people install those on the wall forgetting that it not having a trailing connection wire is quite abig giveway really!) displaying signs stating use of SmartWater or similar on property...

Consider their point of entry and improve that security masssively.

Baby monitors downstairs by entry points to pick up noises perhapsmight reassure everyone?

If you were out at the time, consider leaving TV or radio on audibly when out and light timer switches.
Or ask neighbours to keep a very close on the house if you are out working in daytime.
A good watch dog with a very loud bark and a menancing set of gnashers?!

Wonder if there's statistics on the net that details the time of return attempts, as if they already know you're out at a certain time they might attempyt breaking in at the same time again. I know that's scary, but it is true they wait for the insurance payout and the new 'stock' to come in!

My house is begging to be burgled, it's the smallest house on one of the most expensive roads in the village, end terrace with un-overlooked side alley and rear access, an old fashioned lock you can pick with a twig, wooden single-glazed windows I've prised opened silently with a peice of flat rock when I lost my keys one time and then to get indoors they just slide open the kitchen window (sliding window, no lock).

The only saving grace is they then have to carry my telly or whatever down the communal path right past my curtain-twitcher neighbours!

Have you warned your neighb ours you were burgled? They might be so concerned too they step up their own curtain-twitching or security surveillance.

tamtam2 · 16/05/2011 09:57

have got someone coming to do the windows tomorrow and the doors on friday.
i think that baby monitors might make it wosre they already jump at the slightest noise even if its just the fridge makeing noises,
the neighbours were in when it happened,they hear anything ,
i would say check all your weak points in your homes because ,it is soooo awfull having someone wreck your house and go through all your things,and take things that cant be replaced ,you really dont want it to happen to you .The policeman said we should get a dog,i i work so its cruel to leave it in the house all day ,although the kids keep nagging me to get one ,

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eversoslightlytired · 17/05/2011 17:28

If you cant afford to get the real thing, You can get dummy burglar alarm boxes which can be fitted to the front and back of the house.

I hope that your children are starting to feel a bit more safer

tamtam2 · 17/05/2011 18:41

Thankyou ,i already have one ,im the only one on my road of 18 houses that has one !,it didnt deter them at all ,the kids are still in my room ill wait till next week before i try and move them out x

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Limy · 17/05/2011 20:41

Sorry to hear about your burglary. When I was 13 my house was burgled so I know exactly how you and your children feel. It is a terrible feeling, these people do not realise the trauma that they put you through.

Ask the police about local support groups who may be able to help you and your children through dealing with it. Have you thought about getting a dog? or even just putting a sign up saying "beware of the dog" maybe a deterrent.

I hope you and your children feel safe enough to sleep in your own rooms soon.

takeonboard · 17/05/2011 21:10

How awful for all of you. victim support should be able to help, I am surprised they didn't contact you or the police at least offer you their number.
As a veteran - I have been burgled 4 times, in 4 different homes, I have been offered victim support everytime. Ask the police to put you in touch and explain why, the police may have some tips for the kids, mine were babies last time it happened to me so I didn't have the same problem.
they do come back once you have replaced everything after about 6 weeks usually, I hate to tell you this but twice our neighbours were burgled 6 weeks after us, they had obviously come back to us for a 2nd visit but changed their minds when they saw the alarm. Fit an alarm tomorrow its the only real deterrent (sp?)

tamtam2 · 18/05/2011 10:07

Takeonboard that is so unlucky 4 times! did you not buy an alarm for your homes after the first one? Did you claim?do you have any idea how long they take? ,my kids really want there things replaced asap, victim support
have rang me ,the children said they dont want to talk to anyone about it ,
thankyou limy im going to buy a beware of the dog sign today,cheaper than a dog ,

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takeonboard · 18/05/2011 11:41

1st time we were in a rented house so no alarm.
2nd time we got an alarm - the neighbours were burgled.
3rd time (5th floor flat) the building was scaffolded so we thought no one will get up here again.
4th time (still in the 5th floor flat) they broke down the door, we got an alarm they came back and burgled the 4th floor!
Claims vary dependant on your insurance policy and the amount you are claiming. Our 2nd and 4th were very large claims so the loss adjusters were sent out, its pretty quick and straightforward if you are replacing like for like but when sentimental/one off items are involved it becomes much more involved and you have to get estimates etc. I think the last one we had electrical items relaced within 2 weeks.
GET AN ALARM!

tamtam2 · 18/05/2011 14:25

hope it never happen to you again,I definitely will get an alarm ,i cant go through this again ,

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takeonboard · 18/05/2011 14:45

Think carefully before turning down victim support, they are there to help you, all of you.
Try to remember and tell your kids that you have only lost material things (much loved I know) but they can be replaced - with shiny new ones! Most importantly you are all unhurt, safe and you are insured, its hard I know but you have to find a psoitive in there or fear and bitterness will take over and the burglars will have really won if they do.
The alarm will make your kids feel safe in itself, mine can't remember being burgled but always make sure I have set the alarm before bedtime and leaving the house - they depend on it to feel safe.

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