Advice needed please!!

[Foxy800]

Hi there,

My dd is 5 yrs old and currently being seen by several different people through school, speech therapist and paeds etc due to poss of special needs but no idea what yet but at the moment I am finding her behaviour so hard to manage. I love her dearly but today at soft play I got hit and a shoe thrown at me because it was time to go home!! I had warned her 5 minutes before so she knew it was coming. Then at home I have been hit for things like asking her to sit properly on her chair at teatime!!! She was firmly put in time out and activities we were going to do today taken away, even did time out at soft play although it felt like everyone was staring!!!
It only seems to be me she does it for and sometimes Daddy but noone else. Afterwards we always talk about how sad I feel when she does it and she always says that she knows it not nice etc.
Any advice would be great as what I am doing isnt working!!!

Sorry you are having a hard time. It seems like something about time out is not working. How long do you spend talking after the time out? Maybe talk less so that she is not being rewarded for time out?

Also, more praise / positive attention when she is being good might help. Praise doesn't have to be over-the-top Good Girl You are Wonderful, it can just be a comment, like 'you are putting on your shoes nicely' that let's the child know you've noticed her efforts.

I hope you find something that works.

Thank you for the reply.

THe talking isnt straight afterwards, its later on, usually when Daddy comes home and she tells him what she has done.

I do praise but maybe I needto try harder. I can cope with most of her behaviour including being argumentative etc, I just find the hitting me really hard.

Again thank you for the reply.

When you say she is going to the speech therapist, what are the main issues? Is it to help her pronounce words better or does she struggle with words or putting full sentences together?

My ds is 3 and has just started seeing a speech therapist. Now in the past 2 weeks something has clicked and he has started speaking in sentences instead of one word and pointing. This has dramatically reduced his tantrums and my god he used to go for it.

You just need to keep in mind this is just her way of telling you she isnt happy with something.
You need to find some way of teaching her the correct way of telling you she isnt happy. If she tells you she doesnt like something make sure you acknowledge that she communicated that to you in the correct way.

Best thing I have found so far is a clear plastic box. When he misbehaves then one of his toys goes in the naughty box and he can have it back at a later date when he behaves again. To start with it was battle getting him to understand the naughty box but it now works a treat.

When you find something that works stick to it religiously and make sure as soon as she has calmed down to explain straight away what she did wrong. If you leave it until later she will have forgotten and most likely wont care as kids always live in the moment.

When you go out to places like soft play, before you go in make sure you explain what you expect of her. Kids will be kids when they play and get excited so you just need to make sure its fresh in her mind the do's and dont's which hopefully she will then follow and you can offer a reward which may help to get out the door without too much fuss.

Thank you for the reply. She is there as she cant produce words properly, she does talk in sentences but a lot of people find it hard to work out what they are. I often end up having to tell them if I am there.

When we go to places I do explain to her that when I tell her it is time to go then we must go, and I give her a 5 minute warning.

Having said that we went out on Sunday and she wanted to talk her dolly in the doll car seat so I said she could but it had to stay in the car. 5 minutes before we had to leave I said we needed to go in 5 minutes to "check on her dolly" then when it was time to go I reminded her of this again and she was happy to do so.

So maybe this is one of the things I need to let her do.