2nd baby and feeling low

[gingerbabe]

The first week of dd2's life she just slept all the time and I thought 'this is great'. Now, however, she is awake a bit more, demanding food all the time (worry number 1 - is she putting on too much too quickly?) and is harder to get to sleep (she seems to fall asleep on me after food which is something I didn't want to happen. I want her to be able to fall asleep on her own in her cot as we made this mistake first time round with dd1 and it took ages to get her out of the habit). DD2 is good at night, only waking twice for a feed but I am totally knackered. I am dreading my DH going back to work as I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with the demands of both children. To top it all DD1 has just started nursery and hates it, but I know I have to persevere for her own good.

I know it was my choice to have a 2nd child, ultimately things will get easier and at the end of the day I have everything I want - a loving husband and 2 healthy daughters, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to shout HELP!!! I have been wondering whether the GF routine would help get some order into my life but what do you do when your child wants feeding more than the schedule suggests?

gingerbabe - sorry to hear you feel bogged down but from what you're telling me I think your feelings are quite normal. I can't comment on having two as I only have one but I remember those feelings of helplessness very well. You will cope when dh goes back to work because you have to...and it will get easier (boring I know..said thousands of times but true!!)..hang on in there!

gingerbabe - sorry to hear you feel bogged down but from what you're telling me I think your feelings are quite normal. I can't comment on having two as I only have one but I remember those feelings of helplessness very well. You will cope when dh goes back to work because you have to...and it will get easier (boring I know..said thousands of times but true!!)..hang on in there!

it will get better - i know these words sound hollow and i remember people saying it to me and i didn't want to listen - but i can honestly it does - just try and do the basics and try to take care of yourself - take time out and if you can get a close family member or friend come and help you
Except it is hard at the moment but it is not going to last and that you will get your life back and you have two beautiful, healthy girls!!!!!
i did try GF but it didn't work for me - i found it too rigid - but it has worked for others
i found my second child was hard work at first but as they get older i have found himto be easier and very easy going in nature
hope you feel better soon

Poor you gingerbabe,

I bet you are totally whacked out. However perhaps dd1 starting at Day Nursery is the silver lining to the cloud - okay she hates it now but will soon settle in...and at least whilst she is at Day Nursery you only have the baby to contend with.

Don't forget a lot of what you are feeling at this early stage post childbirth is clouded by baby blues - and when this passes you will feel able to cope with the same set of challenges much better.

Re wanted to be fed more than the schedule suggests - I've never rated Gina (babies aren't all the same), and from what I recall young babies often do require feeding very frequently until they are a couple of months old, and then it all settles down a bit (I suppose when they get more 'efficient' at feeding). Certainly my dd initially used to take a good 30 or 40 mins over a feed, and then sometimes want another go less than an hour later - especially in the evening when she cluster fed. However she sorted herself out by about 8 weeks old. Did you not find that with dd1?

Gingerbabe, just take a look at the june/july babies thread (and others, I'm sure) to see that soooooooo many of us feel the same way as you at your stage! I'm just crawling out of the first three months and lo and behold, it IS getting better - after times (including three weeks with a baby and a 2.8 year old) when I thought I would, quite honestly, go bonkers.

I think myself that the nursery will be a good thing as it gives dd1 her own life and friends, rather than just being with you and the new baby. I also remember wondering whether GF et al would help; personally I didn't go with it, but it might work for you. Remember that the first three months ARE times of complete chaos and often despair - but they do pass, although being told that at the time often isn't useful.

Good luck. Check out a thread if you don't believe me! xxxxxxx

PS my dd2 is currently demanding feeds every sodding couple of hours, driving me mad...

Hi Gingerbabe - Sorry you're tearing your hair out, it's hard isn't it? I have a 4.5 month old and a 2.8 year old and yes the first few months have been very hard work. It is definitely getting easier now, although I'm about to start solids with dd so that should add a bit more chaos. All I would say about routines and GF, is that I have found they do help. I have never follwed GF to the letter (does anyone - it would drive me mad) but both ds and dd have been gently persuaded to feed and sleep at around the GF times and I do feel this has really helped them become good sleepers and in ds's case a good eater. With dd, getting her to feed for slightly longer in the early days (I started this at about 3-4 weeks) by waking her gently if she conked out after only a short feed and seeing if she wanted a bit more, which she almost always did, meant that she started naturally going longer in between feeds. This obviously made life a lot easier with ds as he didn't have to see her attached to my boob at all times. It took a bit of perserverance, but by about 6 weeks, she was sooo much easier to predict and I could plan my days to get out and about between feeds, see other people etc, all of which was vital for my sanity. I'm not really sure she would have settled into that pattern if I had carried on giving her small feeds at close intervals, as I think she would have got used to that and continued snacking. HTH.

Thanks for messages of support girls. Have both dds asleep at the mo - hurrah! and actually don't feel as stressed about things today. I'm not even as tired - I think my body has started to adjust to waking twice at night.

Still thinking of giving GF or some sort of routine a try - will let you know how it goes. Thanks again

all advice given here good, but i do have positive input about gf, in case you are going to try.

I followed it at two weeks, for a few months. I think it is really important to allow some flexibility in it, or rather, not to mind when it changes day to day. For example, if I thought my baby needed more milk (i breastfed) i gave it to her, regardless of when it was in the day.

Some days she wanted more, some she didn't. I used the book as a guide, and tweaked it to suit us. I never got up at 7 (sometimes 6, sometimes 7.30!), never expressed in the morning (only late at night, watching the tv if i could be bothered). Sometimes the lunchtime sleep was two hours as per the book, sometimes, 1 hour or less. It was most often in the cot, and i just put her down (no rocking etc) but sometimes in the pram or car when i was out.

I kept the routines in my mind and followed it as closely as possible without going loopy. As a result (and I KNOW it was down to the book) my baby slept through at about six weeks. It was well worth it (and worth all the stick i got!!). good luck and remember to allow time for you!

my son is now seven months old and I have only just got him into cot, going to sleep on his own. feel like a new woman. two children is hellish initially - whether it be for the first six weeks in most cases - or the first six months plus in my case. I don't think anyone prepared me for how difficult two children is - especially since my second has had terrible colic and hardly slept until last week. Things get better in their own time - unfortunately since i would have liked to speed things up myself. GF is good if you can manage it - though I think six weeks is too young for the crying bit - three months is pretty much the earliest to try this out, I would suggest (though many may disagree). You will knwo pretty quickly if GF suits you - she is a love it or hate it kind of book. good luck - as with all the others - it gets better and then you have to remember how awful it was in order to appreciate the good things in life - and show sympathy and compassion when those around you have their second!

Even the stars find it tough with 2 - story about Elle McPherson I think she had her second last February.

I'm with newgirl on GF - it is great to use as a guide, but u don't have to feel like you've failed if you can't stick to it 100% every day. I've used it since ds was 4 weeks, but he never slept at 7pm till he was 7mths. I continue to breastfeed but only 3 times a day, and I find it gives me a lot of freedom and ability to plan knowing when I will be feeding him. HTH

Oh Gingerbabe, I so know how you feel. But take heart - I've just got through the first year of being mother-of two and can say that, for me, it has got easier and easier, starting from about four months in. Not much help I know when you're in the thick of new-born-ness, but it will improve and everything goes at lightening speed with the second. One thing you know second time round is that all will pass - babies change so quickly at that age that it's often hard to remember what they were like even the week before. I clung onto this when the going got tough!

I agree with newgirl and Mousie - I used Gina as a guide to feeding and sleeping times (never did the expressing bit) and found that my dd fitted into the routines pretty easily. I didn't stress about it tho. My experience was similar to Mousie's - I started about two months in - couldn't have done it any earlier - there's so much else to think about. I think the most difficult thing is fitting Gina's routines around your already-established routines with your older child - for instance some days I have to pick up ds from nursery at 1.00 - exactly when dd should be in the middle of her lunchtime sleep. She invariably wakes up when we get to nursery.

One thing that helped me was to do mixed feeding with my second from about six weeks , giving her a bottle for her last feed, which seemed to settle her down(she was a big baby and it took a lot of breastfeeding to fill her up!) I also used a dummy for the first three months, (having never used one and been v anti with firstborn) just because my daughter was very sucky and often wanted comfort rather than food. Maybe you're just more pragmatic with the second one!

Hope this helps a bit, and just to know that everyone finds it really hard to start with (I regularly woke up in cold sweats wondering how I was going to get us all up and out of the house.....)

Hi Gingerbabe - we must have had the same kind of day on Tuesday cause I nearly posted exactly the same thing. My DS is 24 mnths and DD is 12 weeks and I totally sympathise - it's sooooo bloody hard! When I'm feeling really positive I kind of enjoy the challenge of having two - on other days (like today!) I just want to climb back under the duvet and leave them to it. Stick in there - 'this too will pass' - wont it????? (that's a manic, slightly out of control grin, btw) .

I agree - mine are 2 and a half, and six months, and it is getting easier. Only about another year and it'll all start to pay off when they play together! It's hard to find any moments of respite with two, but when you can, if they ever sleep at the same time, just STOP and read a magazine (or stare into space - my personal favourite) - forget about chores. But I'd like to know: is it putting anyone off having a third? Or do people just blunder on and have another one anyway?

Hi gingerbabe, can only add my sympathy and echo all the brilliant advice you've had here. It honestly does get easier. My dd was 20 months when ds was born back in April and I felt bloody awful for about 2 months, but then things started to get easier and now ds is 6 months and dd loves to cuddle him and entertain him etc and we really seem to have turned a corner. It's amazing what you can cope with looking back but it just seems endless at the time. Don't be too hard on yourself and accept every single bit of help that's offered.
I followed GF with dd and ds and agree with the comments here on this thread, tweak and select the bits that work for you.
Hope things get easier for you very soon.

Hi gingerbabe,
My two are 5 weeks old and 18 months old, and I'm feeling similarly overwhelmed as you at the minute. The lack of time to yourself is a killer to get your head round, as well as the lack of sleep and then having to find the energy to run round after two children all day.
I find myself getting a bit manic over keeping the house tidy as well, as it seems to be the only thing I have control over in my life now.
I drive dh mad when he comes home at the end of the day, moaning to him about leaving his dirty washing on the bedroom floor and crumbs all over the worktop, and I feel like I am boring him to death as all I have to talk about is the boys and how they have been all day.

But I console myself (in more positive moments )with the thought that it will be easier soon, and I just have to get through the next few weeks.
I knew it would be hard work, or so I told myself, and that it would be worth it in a year or two when they can play together and are hopefully close because they are near in age to each other.

Hope it gets easier for you soon, keep smiling through it all, and have a good moan to your mum, or a close friend. I'm doing a lot of that at the moment and it really helps to let off steam.

Cyberhugs ooo
Love Neen

Mine are 22 months and 6 months and I can only repeat that it does get easier. You do find your own way of coping. I did try GF again which worked great with dd - although I have noted that she hasn't written a book on routines when you've got 2 children yet!
Rememeber that dd2 and dd1 will probably be like chalk and cheese! I know my 2 are.
When you feel like shouting for HELP - do it! Is there someone who could come and rock dd2 or take dd1 out for a walk?
I found teatime and bathimes most stressfull and only cope now by having a production line feeding and bathing system! Its now second nature. I just try to be as organised as possible and have everything ready and within easy reach! I also restock the nappy bag etc at night so that everything is ready for if we go out.
As for feeding, my advice would be to feed on demand otherwise you'll just have one narky baby that won't settle.

hello there,
I have 2 boys, one aged 3 and the second is 16 weeks ( I am bfeeding every 3 hours) all I can offer is the following advice: 1. Do all shopping online, its just not worth the hassle or the battles! 2. If you have to go anywhere with both of them, try and keep it to mornings and leave after 2-3 hours, (at least you can have a breather in the afternoon b4 tea, bath bed etc. 3. buy a book on starting nursery/new baby for dd1- usborne books do one called 'first experiences' which I found helpful also we temporarily took my 3 year old out of nursery for the first month to adjust and it was rather liberating being able to stay in my pyjamas all day 4.sleep and delegate as much as you can. I try to be very 'zen' like during the week just doing the bare minimum, if I try doing anything else I end up a miserable jibbering mess! Good luck x

Hi , 2 boys now 24 months and 4 months old - first three months was hellish but now finding the whole thing great fun. Especially helped that DS2 is such a chilled out baby. Hang in there it does get easier and yes I think it is already worth it.

Hi , 2 boys now 24 months and 4 months old - first three months was hellish but now finding the whole thing great fun. Especially helped that DS2 is such a chilled out baby. Hang in there it does get easier and yes I think it is already worth it.

Hi

Have a moment to log on - dd1 out with dh and dd2 asleep - hurrah! Thank you so much for all the advice you've given here, but have one more quick question. Am definitely going to start a GF based routine, although as some of you suggested, I prob. won't follow it to the letter, but already dd2 has got into the habit of falling asleep on me after a feed and won't settle on her own in her cot. Can't believe how quickly children pick up these habits. Had this problem with dd1 and eventually managed to get her to settle after a few months, but this time obviously I have another child to consider so it would be so much easier to just put dd2 down and know she would sleep.

Have read 'The Baby Whisperer' which suggests picking them up when they cry, soothing them and then putting them back down again, and to keep doing it until they finally drop off, so will prob. try this way unless anyone has any other suggestions - don't think I could just let her cry.