Self Esteem in a 6 Year Old

[whattoodoo]

Hi, I think my daughter may have low self esteem; she is bright and friendly and its not glaringly obvious BUT a family member mentioned it to me the other day and I had already been considering it myself;

-she gives up easily with things saying that she is tired or it is too hard
-she compares herself in a negative way to her friends particularly when it comes to school work

• she isnt acheiving as well as it was thought she would at school (it is NOT that I want her to be a high acheiver but I do want her to fulfil her potential)
• she criticises her appearance (and she is a beautiful girl)

-she acts up alot more than she used to- gets really 'hyper' and silly and difficult to engage with

• she is really socialable and has alot of friends but I hear ALOT about conflicts she has with children at school.

My husband and I have not been getting on for sometime- i thought she was shielded from this but probably not as well as i hoped. We are divorcing, which she does not know about yet. So I am thinking this is the route of her insecurities.

I have looked on the internet about this and I appear to be doing most of what is suggested already. But Id really like to hear from parents who have had similar issues and how they helped their child. And anyones thought really. Feel terrible about letting her down like this

Also- there seems to be loads of books on the subject- anyone got any recommendations?

bump
anyone?

This sounds like my dd, who is 8. Dh was just asking her why she always says she is rubbish at school when her book journal says her reading is excellent. He told her it was ok to give herself a pat on the back. She also gives up on everything. However, I don't want to push her to continue to do things she hates as this is what my mum did to me, and it didn't help with my self esteem.

No advice i'm afraid, I'm just lurking and didn't want your post to go unanswered.

Also lurking as having similar issues with almost 6 yo DD and going through a divorce

Me too, with 8 year old dd. No divorce here, but otherwise I could have written that post

hmmm....
interesting moog...I always wished my parents had pushed me a bit harder!! dont think i had/have self esteem issues though. Its hard to know when to push encourage and when to back off isnt it. I tend towards backing off (despite what I say about my parents).

I think its hard to identify whether it is self esteem or if they are just taking the piss abit sometimes as well.

change- has your daughters ishyoos started because of the divorce? it is so easy to blame everything bad on the divorce and feel really really guilty But reassuring to hear from Moist that it may not be that we are destroying our kids after all...

Anyway...Ive ordered a few books off amazon to see if I can learn anything there. I ordered 'Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, 'How to Talk so Kids Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk (or something) and 'Your Childs Self Esteem: The Key to Life' by Dorothy Corkille Briggs. I will let you know if they are useful

whattoodoo, there's gentle encouragement and there's pushing to such a degree that you end up failing exams because you've been told you have to take x, y and z for your o levels. I also find dd responds better to gentle encouragement from her dad rather than me - she has only just started reading chapter books despite being an excellent reader and this is down to dh.

I find the hardest thing to deal with is her playing up. Out of my 3 dc's she is the hardest work - I hate being negative towards her, but sometimes she is so difficult I just react without thinking. She can be lovely, particularly if I give her 1:1 attention so I try to do this when I can. I feel she has been hard work since birth but i suffered from pnd so I guess she has picked up on this .

I have "How to talk ... etc" - great book and I try to use it. I think everyone around me tends to view the divorce as the Big Bad Bogey which causes all my problems (I take the view that X's bizarre behaviour and my long-standing acceptance of same were really the issue). I have lousy self-esteem but try not to criticise myself too much around them.

DD is a more sensitive than average soul and she is full of laughter at school but she is really unsure of herself. Last week was horrendous with rows about all sorts. So far (it's only Monday lunchtime , this week is better. It's hard managing these things on my own. They do see X regularly but he thinks that any problems the kids might have will be down to the divorce and as I a the petitioner then the problems will be a) my fault and b) entirely my responsibility to tackle

I have read HTT and Kohn. Good books, but not helpful with your dd's self esteem issue, I'm afraid. Hope the other book you mentioned has more in it specifically about self esteem. My ds1 has little, whereas I actually have loads ! Very odd. Thus watching thread with interest.