Am I being a terrible mother because DS hates going to After school?

[rookiemater]

DS is 5 and goes to preschool 9-3 each day. I have changed my hours so I can pick him up on Tuesday Wednesday and Friday and he only has to go to after care on Mondays & Thursdays.

DS seems to hate going to aftercare and always complaints vociferously on the days he has to go. I know it is a long day for him as he generally gets picked up at 5.30, but he always seems to be having a good time when he is there and all the assistants are the same ones that are at the nursery.

I have asked him why he doesn't like it and answers range from - "Well X and Y don't have to go" - he has identified the 2 kids out of 32 that never go! "I don't like tidying up" - well who does, "There isn't a lot to do" - which could be a fair comment and lastly "I want to stay at home with you mummy I miss you" - which is obviously heart breaking.

I have a Friday off which is bliss because in the time 9-2.30 I can do shopping, washing, picking up stuff from the post office and a bit of random mumsnetting . I don't want to give up my Friday, but potentially I could do so and work 5 shorter days so that DS doesn't go to aftercare.

However he will start school soon so I'm hoping the more relaxed atmosphere of afterschool may suit him more, plus I think it's good for DS to be aware that I work as well as DH.

Anyone else experienced this as I hate having to go through it every time he realises it is an afterschool day?

Definitely you are not a terrible mum! If anything, the fact that DS wants to be with you is proof the opposite :)

I don't have exactly the same situation, but do have to deal with days when DS does not want to go to nursery and it can be tough.

It is a tricky situation. Have you tried speaking to the assistants in charge to see what activities are on offer and explore if more exciting options could be made available? Is he allowed to bring special toys that he could play with during that time?

The problem is, even if you change your schedule that may not solve the problem, he may then change to 'I don't like nursery!'

Thanks pp. Even as I was writing it I was thinking you know what I need to speak to the assistants, I'm still not sure if its the aftercare he dislikes or the fact that some children don't have to go to it and yes it wouldn't be great if I changed my hours for him still to be unhappy!

is he not in school yet then? Near me everyone has their 5th birthday in reception? I wouldnt worry kids often make bigger deals of things. Both my DD were in nursery 2 long days - 8-5 and loved it. When my DD started reception last year i had to put her in after school club 2 days a week for an hour each and she hated it always upset. But 3 months later she loves it! In fact i have just changed my hours and from september she won't have to go at all and she is gutted! So can't win kids just have to learn to fit in with the family and he will get used to it eventually. Good luck!

My dd is 5, but in year 1. She has to go to ASC 3 days a fortnight. She sometimes grumbles about it, but she always has a fab time and seems to be full of fun when I pick her up. So, I just remind her if she grumbles that everyone, including children, have to do things they'd rather not sometimes. However, the thought of doing things is often worse than the actual event!
I wouldn't change your working pattern over this.

I wouldn't change your work pattern - partly because it gives you some time to yourself (even if you spend it doing housework/boring jobs!) but also because getting them all done on a Friday gives you much more family time at the weekend, other evenings etc - so he's getting more quality time with you when he is with you (maybe a massive assumption there - but it would seem to make sense?!).

I would either do what CoT/Sunnyday say OR look at a different form of childcare. When I was young I had to go to a childminder and I hated it - I just wanted to go to my house, with my toys & my pets etc - I would have loved an older high school student to come and look after me at my house. So you could different afterschool care - a childminder (he might like it more than I did!), a babysitter, a school friend and you could have theirs 2 afternoons or a couple of days each holiday or whatever...?

Also, kids know where to hit you the hardest 'I miss you Mummy' might well be true - it might also be that he knows that would be the thing that would make you waver

Thanks folks. DH reported that when he picked up DS the other day DS was busy playing and told him to come back later - so he obviously doesn't hate it that much, plus I spoke to my friend who finishes earlier than me so comes when DS is in after nursery and she says he always seems to be having a great time.

Thinking about it, we did a lot of things last week. DS was at a friends after nursery on Tuesday and then does a ball class and tea with another class mate on Wednesday so maybe he was just tired, this week he has a pal coming to his so hopefully he will feel more relaxed as he is at home more often.
Thanks for those who said not to change the working pattern, I just absolutely love my Fridays off and as you say it gives us more time at the weekend. He is starting primary in September so I will see how it goes and if I need to alter hours again will do it once he is into the swing of that, good idea re the swapping ChippingIn, we do a fair bit of that already and he used to have a CM but kind of grew out of it.