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Original poster

feeling down...

11 replies

misswolf · 12/05/2011 21:13

Have namechanged for this. Posted here rather than in pregnancy as it seems to be mainly first timers over there. Also wanted to say before I start, I do absolutely realise that a baby's health is absolutely the most important thing and that many people have to contend with far, far more difficult situations and that I should be grateful for what I have, but I could really use some support here...

Had my 20 week scan today. Have two sons already and, ok, if I'm honest, I would slightly prefer to have a girl this time. I adore my boys beyond words, and of course would adore another boy just as much, but I would like the experience of having both sons and a daughter if possible. I've never found out the gender of my babies at scans before, and I LOVE the surprise on the day. Since I've been pregnant with number 3, I've known that any girl 'preference' would evaporate as soon as I'm holding that child in my arms, boy or girl, I'll just be overjoyed that they have arrived happy and healthy...so yet another reason not to find out gender at scan.

I basically explained as much to sonographer at scan today, and he was very aware of that, telling me to 'look away' when he was in that region etc etc. He He seemed pretty jovial at the beginning of it, when he didn't know the sex, but then felt his mood sort of changed. Towards end of scan he said 'so...you DON'T want to know the sex?' I said no, as we'd already discussed quite extensively! Then he started saying 'well, you know - three kids are three kids. You are going to be happy whatever...' To me, his comments absolutely gave the game away that we are having a third boy!!

More than the slight disappointment of not having a girl, I feel totally gutted that the surprise element has been taken away from us. My DH and best friend think I am being crazy and that the surprise is still there and who knows what the hell he meant by his comments. I don't know if they are just trying to calm me down though - to me it seems so obvious. I would love to hear what you guys think, or any similar experiences you have had. Thanks so much in advance xxx

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AKMD · 12/05/2011 21:38

I think you're reading too much into it but so did DH and I when I had my 20 week scan :) Our hospital doesn't tell you the sex of the baby but we really wanted to know (just not to pay £100 for the privilege at a neighbouring hospital!) so everything the sonographer said was analysed and argued about to the nth degree afterwards. I had several growth scans afterwards and on one of them I knew I was having a boy, which was a slight surprise as I was sure I was having a girl.

I find it odd that on the pregnancy forum quite a few women get practically flamed for expressing any disappointment with a healthy baby. It is quite normal for women to have feelings one way or another and I find it unhelpful that they are dismissed. In this case, you really still don't know so don't get excited one way or the other! As you say, once you have your baby in your arms you won't care and you will love them no matter what.

Original poster

misswolf · 12/05/2011 21:48

Thank you for that. I hope I AM reading too much into it - it's just that his words really struck me as 'you are having a third boy, but gender is irrelevant and you will love him whatever'. Of course, this is true - but I didn't want to know!

Anyone else got any thoughts? I most post in pregnancy as well (and risk being flamed!) xx

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peggotty · 12/05/2011 21:52

I think you are reading too much into it as well. The 'mood' may have changed as he was concentrating on scanning for anomalies, rather than chatting etc - not because it's a boy...

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peggotty · 12/05/2011 21:54

And perhaps he asked you again about whether you definately don't want to know because it's a girl, and he was giving you a chance to find that out, given that he knew you want a girl!

Original poster

misswolf · 12/05/2011 22:17

Well, his tone really didn't seem to be suggesting 'I'm going to tell you something you want to hear' when he asked again if I wanted to know the sex. More than that though, it was the 'kids are kids...you will love them whatever' that to me really suggested - 'ok you have a preference, but it ultimately doesn't matter'. I know he's right on that, but to me that gives it away big time and I just feel gutted that I am feeling like that surprise has been spoilt...:(

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thisisyesterday · 12/05/2011 22:21

i felt a bit like this with my number 3
at my 20 week scan they picked up a minor anomaly, which I googled and discovered is far more likely to occur in boys.

i wished i had never ever googled it because I felt like it had totally ruined my surprise :(

it wasn't that i particularly wanted a girl, but i wanted to find out when the baby was born!

Original poster

misswolf · 12/05/2011 22:32

Sorry to hear you had that experience thisisyesterday. Am sure you were absolutely delighted with him (if it was indeed a him) once he arrived...but it's the surprise element is upsetting as you say.

It's nice to hear that quite a few (esp in the preg forum) do seem to think I still have a surprise and his words didn't give it away, am trying to hold onto that...

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thisisyesterday · 12/05/2011 22:33

yes, he was indeed a him when he arrived and i was besotted!

i do agree with previous posters tho that you may be reading too much into it. try and forget about it and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy (easier said than done i know!)

Original poster

misswolf · 12/05/2011 22:35

Thank you...I will try! If anyone else has any more thoughts I would love to hear them...xx

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Hotcupofteaplease · 13/05/2011 11:49

Myself and my DH decided to find out the sex of our unborn baby at the 20 week scan (before this scan I was absolutely convinced I was carrying a boy), the sonographer told us we were having a girl, we asked her to check, she did and again confirmed it was a girl. I was surprised, it took a while to get my head around it because the feeling was so strong... Fast forward another 18 weeks; I went into labour and out popped a healthy baby boy.
I'm sure the sonographer didn't intend to give anything away with his comments, you're quite probably reading far too much into what he said... and anyway, he could be wrong and you may still get your surprise just like we did!

Original poster

misswolf · 13/05/2011 13:48

Thanks hotcupofteaplease, what an amazing story. I have had quite a strong instinct that this baby is a girl, but have not been paying much attention to it, as I think it could just be that my 'instinct' is actually my desire, if you see what I mean.

I just can't see why the sonographer would have said all that stuff unless he was trying to 'prep' me for a bit of disappointment. Feeling really flat today :(

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