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Parenting

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Original poster

I've gone wrong somewhere...

9 replies

DontCallMePeanut · 12/05/2011 10:02

So yesterday, SIL had DS while I headed in to uni for an exam.

Now, DS (3.5yo) is usually borderline angelic. Ok, he'll have the occassional tantrum, will occassionally disobey me, the usual, but nothing major.

When I collected him, I was horrified to hear from my SIL that she'd had to tell him off after her DS was crawling, and my DS actually kicked out at him. This is not like DS at all! Where the fuck have I gone wrong if he's kicking out at an 8 month old baby? :(

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PotatoWaffle · 12/05/2011 13:07

I don't think you've gone wrong anywhere except for maybe expecting him to be very good and perhaps your expectations are a bit too high. Describing him as borderline angelic perhaps suggests you perceive him as being extremely 'good' so when he acts like a 'normal' 3 yr old you see this as being bad.

I am not condoning kicking of babies btw! Obviously what he did was wrong and he needed to be told but I don't think he'll make a habbit out of it! Does he spend a lot of time around other babies? Maybe he just doesn't understand how to react to them. Babies are strange little things to a 3 yr old. They move so quickly and are unpredictable, I am sure he won't have been trying to HURT the baby if that makes sense? Probably just lashed out like most 3 yr olds would do. As long as he was appropriately disciplined and had it explained to him that it could hurt the baby then I am sure the behaviour won't continue and you have nothing to worry about.

Octaviapink · 12/05/2011 13:59

Perfectly normal behaviour from a toddler with a baby - or indeed anyone smaller than himself, probably. Toddlers need to be supervised very closely with babies as they have no empathy and don't understand that they can hurt others. You just have to explain and explain and explain. DD (2 years old) bites and hits DS (5 months) every now and then and it's just something that I have to teach her not to do.

Octaviapink · 12/05/2011 14:00

Also, to be honest, your SIL should have been supervising more closely.

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colditz · 12/05/2011 14:02

Oh dear, don't be devastated. It's normal - not desirable, obviously, but it is normal.

When Ds2 was 6 months, and ds1 was 3.6, I had chronic IBS and had to run to the loo. I came sownstairs once to find Ds1 screaming at Ds2 "he weed on the floor it wasn't me it wasn't me!"

Now, clearly it was him, but ds1 was being really mean! And he was normally lovely (or indifferent) to his brother.

Original poster

DontCallMePeanut · 12/05/2011 16:53

Thanks, I guess with DS being an only child, it's more difficult for me to understand what's normal behaviour for children his age. The kicking out thing, I took as him being deliberately aggressive, and a reflection of possibly bad parenting.

He doesn't spend a lot of time around babies, about once every few weeks. But he's usually very gentle with anyone and anything... In fact, I don't think I've ever had to tell him off for being too rough with friends' pets. I think that's part of the reason it shocked me so much.

Thank you all for the reassurance :)

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cory · 14/05/2011 08:53

Do remember that for him kicking out at an 8mo baby is not really any different from kicking out at a friend his age: he doesn't really get the vulnerability of babies (even if it has been explained to him).

Virtually all children this age are sometimes aggressive, the only answer is supervision (your SILs job), teling them off, and damage limitation (apologising to the other parent and comforting the other child). And time.

When dd was this age I used to have to lock her baby brother in his room before I went to the loo: I couldn't trust her with him for 2 minutes. She is now a lovely caring teen and they have a great relationship, very protective of one another.

Ilovedaintynuts · 14/05/2011 09:46

You've done nothing wrong!

When my DS was about the same age (and an only child) I left him with a friend for the morning. She had an 8 week old baby girl. My DS had always been completely gentle and shown no aggression towards other children.

When he was returned to me my friend pointed to her new DD's forehead. There was imprint of my DS's teeth - a full bite mark! Oh the shame. He denied it completely and had done it the moment she had left them alone and popped into the kitchen!

He is now a 6ft 14 year old and not aggressive in the slightest.

Kids, eh? Who'd 'ave 'em!

BertieBotts · 14/05/2011 09:51

Maybe it was an accident, anyway. Or maybe he was trying to reach something with his foot or something.

If he's not normally intentionally agressive it could be that either he just didn't know that it would hurt/that babies can feel pain, or he was intending to do something else. Or maybe the baby accidentally kicked him and he automatically lashed out back?

There are loads of explanations, but it sounds like your SIL dealt with it, so I wouldn't worry. Really if all you have to worry about with your DS is that he once kicked, you're doing incredibly well! (Or you're incredibly lucky )

happymole · 14/05/2011 09:58

DontCallMePeanut great name btw, have you seen Dead Like Me (tv show)

Agree with Bertie. Don't worry about it

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