New mum - feeling a bit clueless

[FuzzyWuzzyWuz]

hello all, was hoping some wise MNetters could help me out with some new mum questions.

DD is 5 weeks old and I'm a bit of a wreck with trying to work out what she needs, how to keep her amused when she's awake, keep up with house stuff when I get chance, and the constant worry about whether she is a happy healthy little girl like I hope.

My DP was able to take 5 weeks off work and was very hands on so I think part of my feeling is the pressure of now being the sole carer during the day.

So, my questions are:

How do I amuse DD when she's awake? She doesn't show much interest in toys yet, so I tend to make silly faces and noises and sing nursery rhymes - we also have a bit of tummy time and she has a bouncy chair & baby gym for a change of scenery. Is this enough?

We recently (2 weeks ago) had to give up bf because we were struggling so much that I was starting to dread her wanting a feed as I knew how much it was going to hurt. She also used to get very frustrated & scream which I found very upsetting and just added to the trauma. Since switching to SMA I've become very worried about her getting dehydrated. If I stroke her head gently I can feel where her fontanelle dips a little - is this dehydration, or just normal? She has plenty of wet nappies a day, and seems well in herself. (I've taken her to Dr twice for various worries - dr has never said anything about dehydration but HV mentioned it as something to watch for) I'm worried if I take her to dr too many times they'll have me down as some sort of nut & SS will get involved and I'll be in trouble.

And finally, getting the balance right between keeping her warm but not too warm. I know about feeling her chest and wearing one more layer than me, but I'm a very cold body so tend to wear sweaters in the height of summer. Today, living room is 19.2 C and she's in vest & baby gro - again, seems happy enough but I'm just not sure! I've found if I cuddle her to sleep she'll sleep for hours during the day, DP has suggested perhaps she's so warm & comfy on me she doesn't want to wake up (I was worried she was sleeping too much) and that I should put her in Moses basket once asleep to give me a break - but I worry she'll wake and feel abandoned.

Reading this back I sound so daft (I'm in my 30s and feel I should know how to do this!) but I want so much for her to feel loved & happy and I'm not sure I'm doing it right. DP seems so much better at this than me, even tho he tells me I'm doing a good job, I just don't think I am.

So please, can any of you give me a bit of wisdom before I drive myself round the twist!

Bless you. Your doing fine.

The stimulation your giving her is just fine. I used to sit her on my lap and read books to her. It may seem advanced but she looked at the pictures and my voice seemed to calm her.

Pinch the tip of her finger. If it takes a while to go pink again she is dehydrated. If she is having plenty of wet nappies though she sounds fine.

Don't worry about what doctors think. It's there job.

I would get into the habit of putting her down for naps or she won't learn to nap on her own. You might find it difficult at first but you will soon get fed up of being pinned to the sofa and eachother.

You will soon get into a housework routine but try not to worry about it.

Bless you, you sound terribly worried, but that is normal for a first-time mum. I promise you in a year's time you'll look back at this post and laugh.

Amusement - everything you're doing is fine and more than enough. Five-week-olds are happy just being with their mums, you don't need to go out of your way specifically to entertain her, just sing and chat to her, while trying as much as possible to go about your daily business and she will be more than happy.

If her nappies are wet she is not dehydrated. In a vest and babygro she'll be fine at that temperature. If she was cold she'd cry.

You should put her in Moses basket for a break. If she wakes she'll cry and you go to her. She will not feel abandoned. She needs to learn to sleep on her own sooner or later, so do it sooner if you have the chance.

Good luck. You will be fine and so will she. But if you are seriously worried tell the HV. They see it all the time and will not mark you down as a nutter, just the mother of a newborn. Get plenty of rest yourself btw.

Btw I still worry if I am dressing her right for the temperature. I think it would be quite hard to over do it though. Just use your instincts and I'm sure you will soon realise if you need to remove a layer.

It sounds like you need to get out to a baby group and thrash this out with other new mums. It really helped me. Have you got a sure start near you.

You defo sound like you are doing a good job.
Re awake time, what you are doing now sounds fine to me, but for a 5 week old just sitting in a bouncy chair or lying on a mat watching the world go by is enough.
Re the fontanelle/dehydration issue - as long as she is producing wet nappies and seems well then I don't think you need to worry. I think DD had a slightly dipped fontanelle, but really I think if she were dehydrated then I'd know something was really wrong.
Re the clothing/temperature issue - what you have her dressed in for the room temp sounds absolutely fine to me.
I loved the time when DD would fall asleep on me, and I let her do it for a few months. Maybe I should have put her down for her naps, it might have made daytime napping easier later, but she so rarely sleeps on me now (14mo) and I miss it! Enjoy it while you can!

You have a lucky DD, you sound lovely.

And I think you're right, you're just worrying about coping on your own now DH has returned to work. I remember the feeling well. Your confidence will grow each day though.

Here are my thoughts on your questions, though there are much wiser people who I'm sure will post soon:

a) sounds like plenty of amusement for a 5 week old. At that age they just want lots of love and cuddles. Have you also tried one of those playnest thingies with dangly bits? DS liked laying on his back watching them.

b) she doesn't sound dehydrated. I remember DS's fontanelle did always dip slightly. If you're worried about anything, check it with your doctor. They won't think you're a loon, and definitely won't report you to SS. At worst they'll think you're worrying unnecessarily, but they'll understand.

c) that sounds fine if her chest doesn't feel too warm. If she's too cold she'll let you know. But remember it's always better for them to be a bit too cold than a bit too warm.

Let her sleep on you if that's what you want. Get all the cuddles while you can. I loved my two hour cuddles with DS . But if you need a break and she'll settle in the moses basket that's fine too. It won't harm her to have to call for you when she wakes.

Are you seeing other mums with babies? It definitely helps to chat with others who are going through the same things. Do you have a postnatal group or baby and toddler group that you visit? Surestart Children's Centres are great too.

Anyway, sounds like you're doing a great job. Try not to worry about doing things 'right', just enjoy your baby. They're tiny for such a short time.

Thank you all for your replies, feel a bit better now.

I am planning to go to "stay & play" this afternoon at my local sure start centre, then find some more groups so that we get out & about a bit more.

I felt exactly as you did when my DH left me as sole carer (I wept all that first morning in fact, convinced I wouldn't know what to do) but things fell into place!
Rest assured no GP would ever reproach you for taking your baby in if you were worried about something even if it turned out nothing was wrong. They would much rather be safe than sorry - they are very used to anxious new parents coming in. I used to go in with a long list of concerns on an almost weekly basis at first! And I plagued the health visitors with a long list too at the weighing sessions, for variety!
It is their job and noone would ever think less of you for expressing concerns.
Congratulations on your baby and have fun with her!

You're doing FINE! Don't pressure yourself about amusing her - all she wants to do at the moment is watch you and stare at things. Believe me, when she's a toddler you will look back on the days when she didn't need you to play with her with nostalgia!

If she has plenty of wet nappies then she's not dehydrated, full stop. Don't worry about her fontanelle being slightly dipped - that's just where there isn't bone yet.

Have you completely given up breastfeeding? It can hurt, but it might have been the positioning or latch, and a breastfeeding counsellor might be able to help?

Finally, don't assume you have to get out to endless mother and baby groups for your baby's sake - people will tell you you'll go mad if you don't get out of the house but sometimes it is just more effort than it's worth! Sit in the garden in the shade and just watch the grass growing

Agree with all of the above. Have you got a sling? Stretchy wrap is good for a new baby, then you can go for walks together and chat and keep her close while you potter.