Dreading going back to work

[Margie32]

Today I got really upset about the thought of going back to work, even though I've still got 4 months until it happens. My DS is 4 months old and I just love being with him, granted that there are some frustrating moments but in general we have such a lovely time. However, my DH and I can't afford for me to be a SAHM so I have to go back to work in September. I'm a teacher and my school have already been really generous in letting me have more maternity leave than I'm entitled to, and I have already told them that I'll be back for the new school year in September. My DS will be looked after by a lovely nanny who we've known for ages and we really like and trust. She's brilliant with our DS and he adores her.

So why do I feel so terrible? I like my job and love my colleagues. But today I almost started crying in the middle of the street just thinking about leaving my DS, it breaks my heart that I'll miss some of his big moments. What if he starts loving the nanny more than me? Or thinks that she's his Mum? I can't go back to work part time as my wage then wouldn't even cover the childcare. Does anyone else have experience of this and can you help to ease my mind?

Hi Margie

I could have written your post as I'm in a similar situation. Still have a few months of mat leave but I'm trying to gather the courage I need to discuss part time options for a role that really isn't suited to it.

I'm dreading work and the thought of leaving DS and would love to be a SAHM but it's the financial aspect that's stopping us. I'm just hoping it's not going to hang over me and ruin the rest of my time off, iyswim.

Am sorry I dont have anything helpful to suggest but wanted to let you know you're not alone.

I found it was quite lovely that they got to bond with other adults. We don't have that much family here (my parents and most of my family abroad) so I felt the bond they had with the nanny was like a bond with an aunt if that makes sense.

You are the mum and that bond never ever goes away, whether you work full time or not. They don't forget, they don't transfer that bond to other adults. They learn to be looked after by someone else and that's it.

Mine are now far older (eldest off to secondary now!) and they still talk fondly of their previous nannies. One of them visits often still and takes the dcs out on their birthdays.

The most important thing is that you trust and like the nanny and are confident she will do a good job. Sounds like your ds will be in very good hands!

For their birthdays not on ;-)

And it takes a good month or so to get settled back into work but in the end, if it is a necessity, you end up just getting on with it! Bet the kids are looking forward to you returning to work!

It is perfectly normal to feel like this, however look on the positive side, the times you have together will be even more special and you will appreciate them even more. Plus your ds will get to meet and spend time with someone different and have new experiences. He will miss you but will know that you are his mum! When I was on maternity leave I craved adult conversation and couldn't wait to go back to work and be known for myself rather than my child's mum! Make the most of the evenings and weekends that you will have together - they will be good!

(waves to zimbo, fox and carol)

Thanks so much for replying, am sending you a big hug back Zimbo, it makes me feel so much better that I'm not the only one. And Fox and Carol, you've made me see things from a different perspective, it was very reassuring to read about your own experiences.

xxx

Just trying to draft an email to my Head of Dep about coming in for an informal chat about returning to work. I intend to take my full year, making my start date back on November 1st. I heard from a colleague today that all manner of things are going on over the summer with one colleague getting married and another going to America for six weeks and I ended up feeling really guilty for taking the whole year off. We're quite a small team and the person they have in to cover my maternity is not really the full ticket so they're all really struggling with stress and work overload. The first thing they all ask me when they see me is when I'm going to be coming back. I've told them that it will only be in November but haven't had the courage to say that I will be requesting to come back part time. My job is really not suited to part time working and I think there would need to be some sort of team restructure and reallocation of work to make it work. My employers (solicitors) seem to make a habit of being as awkward as they can and doing the complete opposite of what ever is suggested/requested that I'm dreading trying to reach a compromise with them.

I'd also quite like to use my KIT days but have only just started weaning DS and still BF and not able to cba to express and see if he'll take a bottle so would only be able to use my KIT days near the end of my maternity leave.

I hope they value me enough as an employee to allow me to work part time rather than saying full time or no time. As if they say full time I will have to refuse their offer and we will just have to tighten our belts even further. I'm not putting my DS in full time nursery so I can walk away with about £200 at the end of the month, it simply isn't worth it.

Sorry this is so rambly. I knew returning to work etc would be stressful but I didn't think it would be this stressful! Sorry to moan.

I just wanted to reassure you a bit, I felt the same - I really didn?t want to come back at all and also h ad my request to drop to 4 days refused, so was back full time. I?ve been back a month and a bit now and it?s fine. It helps that DS has settled in really well to the CM and is so obviously thriving there, it really takes a weight off my mind. And I?m finding I quite like a bit of peace and quiet at work