FACEBOOK!!- to share or not to share

[Hollander]

Hi Mommys...

Have a question to ask everyone...

Recently took lovely pic os DS playing in the backgarden and put them on fb... got comments from people I had not seen in years. Made me feel very uncomfortable so took them down...

Have maybe 200 + frinds on fb and to be honest most of them are old neighbours, old work colleagues and dare I say it ex boyfriends!

Really only talk to 10 - 15 of my fb friends on a regular basis...

Do ye think its ok to put pics of ur little ones up on fb? I just don't like the idea of some weirdo taking a screen shot and having that phot forever..

Am i being paranoid or is fb a dangerous place to put pics of your kids??

Exactly whoknows but we can with things we have control over xxx

I understand where people are coming from with the ''it could happen anywhere'' its true it could, but should that mean we stop trying to protect them?

If something did happen and I hadn't done everything in my power to prevent it I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

God we are cheery tonight :)

Well, as I said in my first post, I am very cautious about putting photos of them on FB because that is under my control, but out and about there is not a lot you can do, so I don't worry about it.

The teenagers flaunting themselves issue is a different matter, mine are still very young so I have no direct experience of this yet but the thought of it is pretty disturbing.

What about the opportunities to improve your DCs' lives you are missing? This focus on worst case scenarios fails to take any account of the benefit that photo sharing can bring.

Sharing photos helps to make your extended network of families and friends feel like your kids are important. It helps to remind the people you know who don't have kids how much joy they can bring and how human they are. Sure, some people over share, and it can get a bit nauseating. But we have a really unfamily-friendly culture, if pictures of kids (who are, I presume, very important in your lives) don't get shared, it becomes less surprising when our culture fails to remember that they are an ordinary part of life.

Every little bit of unfriendly-ness contributes to the UK being one of the lowest rated developed countries for childhood happiness. That is also a harm for our children.

SuchProspects I think you have misunderstood my family and friends have seen IRL and photos of my children and I am very happy for them to have this contact. What I am not happy about is people I don't know having access to my children, photos or otherwise.

What benefits are my children missing out on by me not sharing a picture of them at a farm with a woman I knew when I was 6?

No I don't think I do misunderstand. Though my post was not directed specifically at you. As I read your posts you are taking the stance that one should limit the people who see photos of one's children (but not other photos) because of the possibility some one could use the photo for their sexual satisfaction.

You specifically say "If something did happen and I hadn't done everything in my power to prevent it I wouldn't be able to live with myself." I can empathise with that feeling but it's unbalanced. Things can happen to our children because we over protect them too.

In thinking only of the scary possibilities you do not consider the good that can come from sharing those photos. It's a very poor way to approach life, it seems to be almost the default way of approaching anything to do with safety and children, and it is bad for them and for society.

I don't post any pictures of my DS on FB. Not so much for safety reasons but for privacy - he's only 2 and is not yet able to consent to his photos being shown to my friends and acquaintances on the Internet. I see it that I owe him a duty of care to protect his privacy until such time as he is able to decide for himself. If he decides to post his back catalogue of photos on public websites when he is older, so be it. But I don't believe I have the right to remove that choice from him.

I just don't like the idea of some weirdo taking a screen shot and having that phot forever.

I have plenty of pictures of my girls on fb! But I don't have any 'weirdos' on my friend's list!

We didn't think any of our friends were weirdos, turned out one was.

Wierdos could be taking pics of your DC everywhere you are out and about and even video footage on mobile phones. Every party we go to other parents take pics of my DC without asking and could be posting them anywhere. The school/ council clubs often ask for permission to take photos.
I have just started to use facebook so I understand the dangers. I am thinking you can use it as a way to control your own publicity a bit?eg my DC are pictured practising martial arts with 3 instructors who could kill you as soon as look at you, I refuse invitations of friendship from anyone I would struggle to tolerate an intimate conversation with.
Am I right in thinking even with privacy setting if one of your friends comments on your content then via them it becomes exposed to all of their friends?

Not necessarily, you can fine tune the privacy settings so that their friends can see that they made a comment but not what your original comment was.

My point is that I am not going to worry about things I can't control, eg other people taking photos while out and about, but I can control what I put onto FB and choose to do so. My caution with FB is also partly down to the fact that they keep re-jigging their security features and I don't entirely trust them not to suddenly change the defaults again so you are revealing more than you thought, it is obviously in their interests for as much to be wide open as possible.