Away from son for weeks months?!

[MUMRA007]

What do people think about me the dad being separated from my son aged from about 7months till up to 10 months (so up to 3 months separation). I personally am not happy but the situation is not so clear cut. The situation is the mother wants to stay with her family in japan longer but I have to work in the UK so I will go with them for up to a month but then I have to come back. Its very important for her as she doesn't see her dad very often and he cannot fly due to his stroke and we are not very rich and there are other problems involved as well so you will have to trust me I understand why she wants to stay longer. But I am now thinking at what point does separation become a problem at this age I have heard from one person that before 1 year it is not so bad but I can see this is debatable and if anyone can direct me to more info this would be great thanks!

ps. I was thinking of skype video as a way of easing the separation but still :S....

I'm afraid I can't help much with your basic question, but I did just want to say that I've heard that skype is good for small children - they can use it to feel in contact, even though it's obviously not quite the same.
Good luck to you all as you're obviously faced with difficult decisions. Your relationship with your child is clearly very important to you, so even if you're separated for 3 months, you will work hard to rebuild the relationship when you're back together. Don't give up, whatever! Spend lots of time together when you're back together to give the child time and space to get to know you again. Don't be put off by anything he does when you get back together but just keep on gently rebuilding the close ties...

My dad went to India for that long when I was about two, and then again about seven (years, not months) and it was fine. I have always had a great relationship with him. Much harder for you than for the baby, who is (no offence) more focused on the mother at this age. You'll have to spend time rebuilding the relationship when they get back but in the long term I don't think your son will even remember you were away. Think about all the fathers to our parents' generation who had to go away to war etc.

Equally, while I think your son will be fine, the fact it will be hard for you is also worthy of consideration IMO - is there any way you can strike a compromise with your wife that she stays on but not quite so long perhaps?

I went home to NZ with DS 2.5yrs for 3mths over the southern hemisphere summer, DH came out for 3 wks over Christmas. It was hard work being the solo parent even with help from the in laws and of course DH missed us but all in all everything was fine. I'd recommend breaking up the 3 mths and you going out to visit in the middle of the time frame rather than the beginning if possible. We used the iPhone feature FaceTime every couple of days and talked about Daddy all the time. DS was very clingy with DH for the first week he was with us but we all just tried to get on as normal really, we kept it simple when DS asked for DH and just said he was at work - he accepted this easily. Obviously your LO is far younger so his understanding of the situation will be negligible, for the benefit of you and his mother the key thing would be having your visit in the middle of the trip and accepting that while your relationship with DS may need some work once they are back in the UK there will not be any significant long term implications IME/O

Great thanks yes I am pushing for more like 2 months away from him now - I will have to go one way with my wife as she is small and cant carry everything and look after him in airport etc. - shes a bit worried about that...so cant break the time up really I am thinking...also thinking it should be ok now thanks!