The Effing Baby Whisperer

[storminateacup10]

DD now 3 and was, in retrospect, bloody easy first baby (tho didn't realise it at the time, being swamped in typical new motherhood crises). Am remembering some of the cringeworthy crap I read when she was crying/not feeding/not sleeping etc, in desperate hope to find the answer.
I think if I had to ceremoniously burn one particular book, it would have to be The Secrets of the Effing Baby Whisperer (spent a whole week agonising that my baby was a Grumpy, whilst up-her-own neighbour's opposite was Angelic- what a crock of shite. Which book would you tear up from those early newborn moments?

I would tear up Gina Ford - hated the whole patronising, bossy, one-size-fits-all babies tone (she even tells you when you should eat!) I read baby whisperer after that, so actually quite liked it in comparison - admitedly I didn;t manage to do half of it, but at least she didn;t give you an actual timetable like GF and some of the advice was useful.
The other book I should have torn up was what to expect in the first year - the milestones at the start of each month are just completely paranoia inducing to a new mum (especially one whose now 16 1/2 month DD is still not walking, only been pulling self up to standing and cruising for a month or two and didn't crawl 'properly' until few days after her first birthday). I found constantly having 'checklists' completely messes with my head, and and also the book was confusingly laid out and a lot of the advice seemed to go against official NHS advice (although admittedly it was an old copy second hand, so may have been updated since).

Pleased to find it is not just me who hated the Baby Whisperer! I should have learnt after my first but got it out again after having my second, all that stuff about accidental parenting just made me feel completely rubbish. To this day I still don't understand what is so different about a baby learning to fall asleep being patted (acceptable) but not rocked (totally unaccepable).

Come to think of it it is still on my bookshelf, must free up some space!

rusty06 too true...sadly!
CatL Gina Ford is just evil
MissClarence tiem to have a Spring clean indeed

Thanks to all of you who have posted and highlighted just how much crappy, paranoia-inducing literature there is out there for new parents to get would up about grrr!

I absolutely loved Baby Whisperer with DS1, he was the perfect BW baby, he loved all the getting to sleep techniques (shush pat anyone!?!) and from about 9 weeks old he could be put down in his cot, and and be asleep within a minute for beautiful 2 hour naps. Amazing, I used to say BW changed my life (I read it at about 7 weeks and the first 7 weeks were really hard).

Roll on 20 months and DS2 arrived. What a little bugger sweetie, he did not stop crying for the first 6 months unless he was feeding, and no amount of BW was going to help, so in that case yes it was rubbish. I spent so long in his bedroom shush patting whilst he screamed, and poor 20 month old DS1 was left to watch TV do educational stuff, I gave up, blamed DS2 for not conforming and accepted I just needed to breastfeed 20 hours of the day.

The thing about The Baby Whisperer and Gina Ford is that they both set parents up for failure. Plus they treat us like morons. Their lack of any acceptance of individuality is so arrogant - do they really think that all babies/kids react and behave in the same way?

This was my bible: www.amazon.co.uk/Parental-Advisory-Manual-Natasha-Desborough/dp/0593064186/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1305487023&sr=8-1

And this is my parenting guru:

ladycath 100% agree

I'm another one who hated the Baby Whisperer so much that I refused to give it to the charity shop. It went into the recycling instead.

A friend (and mum of 3) gave me an E.A.S.Y. method book to read. I dutifully read it while pregnant and even marked useful pages with post-it notes. One night DH found my crying with DD in the crib as I didn't know what to do with her. I never cry and we were so worried about DD we nearly took her to A&E. Embarrassingly we worked out that she was so hungry and tired that she was hysterical. Once she had a nap in the car on the way to A&E she was just about calm enough to BF. The book stayed where it was kicked (under the bed!) until I gave it back. I've never felt so awful about my abilities as a parent and felt so guilty that DD had got in such a state.

It was probably added to by the Baby Whisperer book whereby I realised I couldn't distinguish DD's cries and therefore was a rubbish mother!

However, MN was my salvation. I went with what worked for both of us and stopped reading the books. DD is happy and contented (and so am I). Now... do I buy a book on potty training?

New Martha White film. For mothers with a 'Minge Of Stonehenge'!!

V funny!

Baby Whisperer worked for me but then again I skipped the Type of Baby shit and just did her EASY rountine for two weeks. Once DS was sleeping through the night I didn't look at the book again.

I offer for your bonfire something called How To Be A Yummy Mummy or something like that. Lovely gift. Found it under my bed several months later and had a good laugh before chucking it out. I was also given the infamous Contented Baby book. A glance at 7am open the curtains etc and it got chucked in the charity shop bag. Let me also add What to Expect in the First Year. If your son doesn't do x, x and x at 6 months could he be a developmental failure? My advice to any pregnant friends is to ditch the books and join MN.

I am here on behalf of the defence. Tracey Hogg (God rest her soul) was an incredibly intuitive woman who gained her knowledge from working with thousands of babies. The advice in her book (and website) had been incredibly succesfull for DS and I. When he was teething I was feeding him back to sleep and always laying him down awake. Sometmes he would wake up as soon as I lay him down and off we'd go again. I did PU/PD at 9 months and it only took 3 days to see results. He is now 16 months and been a fantastic independant sleeper since. He is now on one nap of 2 hours and sleep through the night 7 'til 7.

I understand how baby books can make you feel inadequate don't get me wrong. Gina Ford did that for me. But my advice would be if you don't agree with all of what someone has to say..fine. Just take what you want from the book (like I did with Gina Ford) who sent my head into a spin, panicking I would never be able to stick to such a rigid routine (but my Stepsister did with her DS and it worked beautifully) Some Mam's sail through Motherhood with babies that just slip into routine. But if yours doesn't, advice books can be very helpful when you are the end of your tether and about to pull your own head off through exhaustion, which I was. Here endeth the lesson.x.

Someone bought 'Fatherhood - The Truth' by Marcus Berkmann for dh. It actually has a line in it that says 'if you don't like it (being a dad) you can always leave!!!! Filled me with White hot rage reading this about 9 months pregnant.

Baby Whisperer was helpful to me. I had no idea about what a day in the life of a baby would be like before I read it, and it gave me an expected timetable of what to expect and plan for.

The signs for tiredness etc were also helpful. Tired and sleepy babies do rub their faces (not claw at them - what is wrong with you? ), it turns out.

I found What To Expect very useful. It very clearly says that those monthly developmental checklists are guidelines only and that your baby can develop differently.

Both of mine never crawled and only took their first steps between 15-18 months. Their first tooth came in at 9-10 months. I didn't get the impression from this book was that any of this was a "developmental failure" (whatever that means).

Babyboyjoy doesn't your post just illustrate that what works for one baby may not work for another? I think the ones who have success with GF/BW just have babies who suit that anyway. Which makes those of us with babies who have their own agenda, contrary to supposed baby gurus, feel like failures. I'm constantly thinking if only I do XYZ dd2 will sleep. Problem is I don't know what XYZ is and the goal posts keep changing. I just have to accept I'm not doing anything wrong and stop stressing myself out.

I think (and I had every book published at the time ) that what is so annoying about TH is that at least GF does what she says on the tin and isn't an apologist for what she does, ie get a baby to fit in with you, and not the other way round. TH did exactly the same, but couched in some pseudo-romantic-psychological-fluffdom that made you think (till you read between the lines) that maybe she wasn't just doing it for the wanga.

How old is your DD2?

Bumperlicioso,

You are right EVERY baby is different, but Tracey Hogg isn't like Gina Ford, she's not rigid and there are so many different approaches, you just have to find what's right for your LO. I think All babies have their own agenda! AND OMG don't I know that just when you think you've got it all sussed the little buggers move the goalposts, so yes, it's bloody hard. I can only speak from my experience and I don't know what I would have done without the advice and support from my friends on BW website.

I'd be very suprised if their's a Mother out there who hasn't felt like a faliure at some point!!! I know I have. It's really hard not to beat yourself up. At the end of the day I think if you are doing what you see at your best for your LO's then that's as good as it gets.

A well meaning friend lent me The Baby Whisperer when DS was born (funnily enough she found the first year of her son's life, during which she attempted to follow its dictats to the letter, the most stressful period of her entire life). It enraged me. I knew nothing about babies but even I could tell it was a steaming pile of poo. I agree it is very anti breastfeeding - not explicitly so, you just couldn't follow it and BF. I got myself in a stew for about 12 hours about the fact DS went Activity, Eat, Sleep, er no Me time actually rather than EASY (she should be imprisoned for that acronym alone) then decided it was rubbish and never looked at it again. When I gave it back to her I begged her not to lend it to anyone again, or read it again herself.

Purplecrazyhorse nooooo! no more baby books and especially not potty training ones!!! GF Potty Training in a WEEK??!! My arse. Potty training is so different for every child that you'll end up back in the newborn land of comparing/contrasting/panicking and feeling utterly frustrated. My GF went straight to some poor bastard on ebay :-)

ladycath great vid :-)

oh I hate it too, read it first time (ish), idly flicked through it in the library a week ago and thought oh do fuck off with your 'accidental parenting' and 'types of baby'.

I especially thought it wasn't for me when she says that babies should be independent from day one. Riiiiiiiight.

EASY is ok though (though i did ESYA!)

Adair

Definitely babywhisperer.
I read swmnbn and was easily able to chuck it aside as being too rigid and not for me. but baby whisperer duped me and made me feel like a failure

Has anyone said, as I can't be fucked to read the rest of the thread, it doesn't matter how many books you read, your baby won't be able to read any of them?