2 under 15 months

[Trudyla]

Hi all,

I've not ventured out much from my safe post natal thread so this is my first post in parenting.

I have a nine months old daughter and am 14 weeks pregnant with number 2, due end of October.

I have panicked a bit about the small age gap and have decided to prepare as much as possible (I love a good plan).

1. I'm worried about how my first baby will feel about the new one and how I can make it as easy as possible on her so she doesn't feel at all pushed out.

2. I also wonder how I will cope with two, I already get very little else - other than baby - done, because she doesn't want to be put down or left alone for even just a second. How am I gonna deal with two? How am I gonna make sure both are happy?

So I would appreciate any advice, tips or anything you can offer. Maybe you could also recommend a good book or two, to help me prepare.

Thank you all in advance,

Trudy

I have 14 months between my first two and it was fine! I can honestly say it has been a great gap. One activity occupies them, they are into the same things, toys etc. I had two boys so maybe this would be different with a boy and a girl.

I don't think the early months were bad because I was already used to being shattered and very much in baby mode, so to have two babies was just more of the same. I am telling you the truth as we even went on to have dd1 who is 18 months younger than ds2. There is 32 months between all three of them and I would not swap it for anything. The close bond they have through being at similar stages is fantastic and I don't see how it could be the same if there was years and years between them.

I imagine if you can have help go for it as anything that makes life easier can only be good. We are a forces family and have never lived near any family so I don't know what it would be like to have family around to help.

It is great you have a strong relationship as I think the tiredness and stress that can occur certainly can put strain on things.

My DH came in from work and I truly threw the kids at him and ran. They have driven me insane today and as with any kids it is hard, mine are 4,3 and 2. It is mostly brilliant but I have periods of wanting to put my head in the oven.

If I could offer just one bit of advice it is ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE. Get them to nap at the same time, go to bed at the same time, when they get bigger eat at the same time. It makes life so much easier and you may even get an hours peace.

Good luck

That's not hugely helpful darlene!

Trudy, a helpful dp/dh is definitely worth it's weight in gold - my dh was bloody amazing and has been rewarded with an incredibly close relationship with his sons (and a happy wife!).

Trudyla I have 15 months between mine and I love it, love it, love it.
I wish I had known how much I was going to like it because I spent my entire second pregnancy terrified that I wouldn't cope. Everytime DD1 was ill or had a bad night I was thinking 'how the crap am I going to manage this with a baby aswell??' But once DD2 arrived everything kept going and we coped.

It was/is hard work, especially at the beginning because DD1 wasn't walking or crawling when DD2 arrived, she could only bumshuffle. Once DD1 started toddling it got a little easier because I didn't always have to lift up both of them.

Now that DD2 is 10mo its really good fun, they interact really happily with each other. One of my best moments so far was coming home from a family day out last weekend to find them both asleep in their carseats but still holding hands across the back seat.

DH and I have been fine, though when DD2 was about 5 months we realised that we were both very run down and weren't making time for each other and were playing the 'I'm more tired than you' game which goes something like this:

DH: God, I'm knackered
DW: Your're tired?? You're tired? How many times did you get up to breastfeed the baby in the night??????
DH: Humpf.

In pregnancy it drove me mad when people looked at DD1, then at my bump then you could see them trying to do the maths and then they'd eventually say 'what will the gap be?' and then once I told them they would say the obligatory 'you'll have your hands full then...' . It drove me crazy, it was like a script that I went through with every checkout assistant. Thing is, I've met people with much smaller gaps so god only knows what comments the get!

gosh yes also no PND with those 3 children, and my husband and I are still very much together.

Congratulations.

There is 14 months between our dds. It was fairly hard at the beginning, we moved when dd2 was 6 weeks old to a tiny village, and I don't drive, but it still wasn't half as bad as lots of people predicted/intimated it would be.

I think the most difficult thing was the constant juggling of two babies, dd1 was and still is a very clingy girl, she didn't walk until dd2 was 2 months old and sometimes it felt as though I didn't have enough arms or a wide enough lap.

I had worried about dd2 taking my attention away from dd1, when she was only a baby, but i hadn't taken into account the wonder that has been watching their relationship develop right from day one.

I never had a routine for them, my aim of each day was to get out of the house and see friends, dd2 had most of her naps in the pushchair, I spent a lot of time in coffee shops while they both napped.

I have made my profile public for a bit, so that you can see how close they look in age, they love each other so much, and for the last couple of years (they are 4 and 5) have entertained each other, comforted each other, made each other hoot with laughter (usually by talking about poo) and of course fought a fair bit.

My advice would be, don't worry too much about letting stuff slide, don't worry about making a rod for your own back - whatever gets you through the day smiling (or at least maintaining your sanity!)

By the way, the last photo on my profile, gives you some idea of the chaos and happiness!

Congratulations!

It really isn't as daunting as it may first seem. I think the idea of the small age gap is more worrying than when in practice (IYSWIM).

My Eldest was nearly 3, I had a 9 month old and a new born baby. People used to asked me how I coped and to be honest I have no idea. I just got on with it. It was very hard at times and a supportive partner obviously makes the world of difference.

You do find yourself in a bit of a "bubble" for a while but it soon passes and gets easier as you get the confidence to venture out regularly.

I think KnittingRocks sums it up in her top tips. If you get any help offered to you from friends or family - take it. I would have loved for someone to offer me the chance of an hour to either catch up on some chores or have a sleep (whichever need was greater at the time).

They are now 7, 4 and 3.6. I wouldn't change a thing. My youngest are at pre-school together and always tell me that they are best friends.

Good luck.

Oh, and I am still happily with DH!

Hazey Thanks so much for making your pics open to view, its really interesting to see what a gap similar to ours looks like when they are a little older, its like a little view into the future for me with my girls!

am watching this thread with interest, not currently pg but would love another dd1 is 6 months but everyone says we would be mad to..
any one out there working full time with 2 under 2? i will be going back full time in august and the plan would be to then drop down to part time if poss if no.2 did arrive... this is all in an ideal world. well in an ideal world i wouldnt have to work at all i suppose but thats another thread

Hi, i havent read the other messages yet, but just wanted to reasure a little that all will be well

I have a 14 month gap, so near enough, and they are fabulous together. Now 3 and 2 and so close, really are rewarded with them playing together so young, its treasured memories already. DS was too young to feel jealous of DD, he has been so gentle with her from the second he saw her. He still had naps in the day which gave me time with just DD, then when baby slept i focused on DS. When they were both awake id plonk dd in a bouncer chair and she would watch her brother play for hours perfectly content whilst i got on with sorting bottles and bits of housework etc

Wish Id had another straight away, now i feel like number three would be really left out as they are so tight, they even seem to have their own language!

Good luck op

Thank you so much for your supportive messages. It's so kind of you to take the time out of your busy days. I really appreciate it.

It's good to know that not everyone ends up with PND and divorced.

I love hearing how close your children are and how nicely they play together.

hazeyjane Thank you for sharing your photos. They really made my heart melt. You all look very happy and I love the last photo.

AussieRules I love the story of them holding hands while sleeping. So precious.

I'm really pleased at how happy you all sound and I am feeling very positive about the future. Thank you all.

Glad you're feeling positive.

My two are now 4.3 and 3, they look (and are personality-wise) really different but they're the same weight and height so they look almost like non-identical twins and I do get asked a lot about their relationship. They love each other, I'll second what everyone else has said about watching their relationship.

Good luck and try not to worry. there are definitely pros and cons of any age gap, that's what you realise once you have a 2nd one.

Definitely KWYM about knowing people with smaller age gaps - we have friends who had twins and then 11 1/2 mths later had their third child .

Can't have been that hard cos 18 mths after that they had their 4th - yep FOUR under 2 1/2!

You're incredibly blessed to be having two babies. You're lucky as the siblings will entertain each other largely and should be close and comfort one another.
You WILL cope, because you're designed to do so, you're programmed to take on this role. You'll do it succesfully, get through a tough few years, and reap the rewards later.
Key rule is to have the patience of a saint and focus on connecting with your children first and foremost, so you're in tune with them and know their needs.
This is a blessing

Trudyla - please don't stress, you'll cope! Mine are 20 months apart which isn't the same but it's not a mile off. If you are lucky then dc2 will just 'fit in' with things - you'll be less stressy regarding the basic baby care stuff because you've done it all so recently and you'll already have a routine with your dd so (hopefully) dc2 will be able to slot into that. As you say you have a supportive partner and that's invaluable. The first year will be tough but I'll bet you'll surprise yourself with your resourcefulness and in a few years time you'll be so glad that you have a small gap - like previous posters have said they'll both be into the same things and your dd won't remember a time when her little bother/sister hasn't been about. :) Incidentally I didn't have a cleaner or a housekeeper (yes - the house was a tip) - but my lovely Dad did take dc1 out for a walk for two hours every week and that was lovely because it gave me a bit of time to concentrate on dc2.

Thank you all once more. I really, really love reading the stories about the closeness of the children. I can't wait to see my two develop their relationship.

You are right, mumof2beebies I am truly blessed to be able to have 2 babies.

I will try to focuss on that rather than on worrying.

I only have the one DC and have no intention in having any more but I can give you some insight into what your 9 month old might be like at 15 months.

I have a 14 month old DS and he is lots of fun.

Not quite at the point where you can ask him to fetch something and pass it to you but nearly there. Also he wants to touch and grab EVERYTHING so things are out of reach a lot. Hop cups of tea are his favourite to try to "explore" at the moment.

He can't say any distinguishable words yet but can communicate adequately by pointing and either smiling or grumbling.

He is able to do either 1 long nap in the day or 2 short ones so your daughter might be at a similar stage and you can plan your naps accordingly.

He feeds himself most things although needs help sometimes. A great distraction if you need 10 minutes to yourself is a small box of raisons, they are hard to pick out and take a while to eat.

I think if I knew I was going to be pinned to the sofa with a new born for 30+ minutes I would shut us all in one room (bedroom/living room) with books, toys, TV, puzzles and "things" to play with and it would probably be fine.

He no longer does that thing where he is suddenly starving and MUST eat straight away although obviously if I let him get hungry we would get to that point.

He sleeps 7pm-6am but has always been a good sleeper and occasionally wakes in the night for a cuddle or Calpol if teeth related.

Nappy changes are a challenge, he wriggles A LOT.

He is intrigued by older children.

I hope this helps to show you what a 14-15 month old will probably be like.

Hi Trudy,

I have a DD 6 months. and I actually love the sound of this, If we had our own place we would try for another now. my partner & I want small age-gaps.

I wondered the same things about "coping" etc.

Nice to look at this post :)

Good luck

Thanks so much Tigresswoods. It really helps for my mental preparation. It's so hard to imagine what they will be like just next week, never mind in a few months. So it was good to read your experiences.

Dozeyland It is so nice to read all the positive comments and the helpful tips, isn't it. I'm really touched by all those lovely messages.

trudy sorry, just realised i didn't reply to your question here.

your HV should give you a list of most of the baby activities/classes in your area. I also found out about more once I got chatting to other parents at the classes. My fave class has always been a music and rhyme class (paid for not a free one) which I've done with ds since babyhood and still take him to now and take dd along too.

re bf in public. I've always used a bf cover and it helped enormously, I'll bf anywhere and everywhere using that whereas I would HATE bf in public without it. I also found it helped in the early days if you're lucky enough to meet other bf mothers so you can go to a cafe together - it kind of normalised it for me.

Oh and if you do end up moving round here then you'll 'know' me

Having a helpful and supportive dh is probably the number 1 thing that made having two children close together actually enjoyable for me. I know you said your dh is great too so I'm sure you'll find the same.

and far from pnd and divorce territory - I've never been happier and dh and i are closer and happier than before the children came along. We approach childcare as a team (despite me being the main carer) and see this baby/toddler period as a fun and exciting time in our lives which will pass all too soon.

Thanks cake for answering all my questions.

The bf cover is a great idea. I don't know why I never thought about it. I just googled a few pictures and I am amazed at how discreetly it can be done. I really like that idea and will def. get one. Everybody always told me it will be fine cos the baby's head will cover everything. Yeah, but not if it takes ages to latch on and then later on, if she looks around so much at everything else, while I sit around barebooped.

Yes, if I move near your area it would be wonderful to have a ready made friend

It's nice to hear that you and your DH are even closer and happier than before children. We sometimes struggle and get too stressed out about little things. I think I will try and remember to be more aware at how quickly this time will pass and try to enjoy it more.

My two both latched on and off continually for the first few months as my let-down and flow are too strong - if i didn't have the bf cover I would have just had to resign myself to sitting there with my breasts on display.