Do your children 'join in' the conversation if you're out at a restaurant?

[Cornflakemum]

If we're out as a family we sit together and chat about things.

When we're with other families, the kids tend to all sit at one end of the table together. Sometimes they have puzzle books, sometimes DSs etc.

Yesterday DH & I went out with our DC (11 & 8) and my sis-in-law and her partner. They do not have any kids, and are not very good at including them (e.g. SIL always asks 'how's school?' as about the only question, then pretty much ignores them)
So yesterday the DSs sat reading books and comics at the end of the table when they weren't eating.

I thought I saw another couple looking on disapprovingly, as in 'those poor children are being ignored' and I just wondered if was a bit mean.
But SIL was talking about decorating/ jobs/ holidays and it wasn't anything the DCs would have been interested in.

I had the choice of trying to engage the kids, and 'missing' the adult chat, or just leaving them to it.
DH seems to think it's fine, but I felt a bit uncomfortable . I want them to feel part of the conversation, but it felt as if the others were just ahppy to ignore them.

Were your children happy and content? Sometimes at family meals I wish that I could retreat with a book!

My 2 are 10 & 8, and like you it varies: sometimes children gather at one end of the table, sometimes they join in, but usually I will ensure that they have brought something along to keep themselves amused with in case they do get bored. The only time that I would give disapproving looks at another table is if the kids are running madly around the restaurant or making far too much noise to allow anyone else to be heard.

No... they pretty much sabotage it LOL Unless the conversation is at their level and directed at them... or concerns them etc. Otherwise, they play havoc for attention.. et voila. Adult conversation fini!!

OK - sounds pretty normal then!

LadyMuck - yes, kids were content (although DS1 was generally tired and grumpy after a late sleepover the previous night... )

I'd much rather they were quietly engaged, rather than charging round the restaurant, or constantly interrupting, but then at times I wonder if DH & I have rather Victorian values .

We hadn't ignored them all day - we'd been for a walk together, and played frisbee in the park beforehand, so I don't suppose we're too cruel!

I think children probably prefer to sit together and i would certainly sit my DS next to his cousin (who is 16 months older). However, we're also firm believers in involving our children in our conversations because that's how they learn and we think meal times should be sociable and enjoyable. But at least if children sit together they can opt in and out of conversations when they're interested/ bored and give the adults a bit of a break by entertaining each other for a while.

When it's just the 4 of us eating out the children are very much included in the conversation but when it's extended family they're usually excited to see their cousins and the kids gather at one end of the table, the adults at the other.

Before I had dc I was like your sil though, there's no way I would've known how to chat to an 11 and 8 year old! I'm just rather that your dc are old enough to sit and read quietly at the table. If they're happy, I can't see a problem.

Im thinking the same as ProfYaffle. I rememeber when friends of ours had their DS a good 4/5 years before we had kids. She brought him to meals out and a weekend away and seemed to think that the whole bloody meal/weekend should revolve around him and seemed put out we weren't falling over him .

You can't expect most folk without kids to know how to speak to them really. You also have to expect they probably find kids a wee bit dull at times .

I have 2 myself now and like you, if we are with them we talk to DS (DD is 16 months) and know our night will revolve around them but if I had another couple out with us (when kids are older) id just hope they were happy to sit together and talk or play with stuff - fingers crossed for that day!