HELP! Very curious 7 year old girl :(

[2Sprogs]

This is embarassing for me to say, and I'm shocked and confused and questioning my ability as a mother.

We went to a friends house (L and R) and my daughter 7 years old, was playing with a boy of 6 in the boys bedroom with my younger son and the 6 yr old boys sister (3yrs)...making sense?

Anyway, me and the mum (R) went out to the shop leaving both dads in the garden chatting away.

My husband said 'the kids are a bit quiet aren't they' and L said 'they're either watching a DVD or kissing', said as a joke.

Then my son came down and said that my daughter and this boy were kissing.

With that, my husband ran up the stairs and caught the boy standing up with his trousers around his ankles and our daughter under the bed cover shuffiling. My husband dragged off the duvet to see our daughter trying to pull up her knickers!

SHOCKED!

Turns out that she wanted to 'do it' and they were kissing with the boy laying on her. LUCKILY when I asked her, she doesn't know exactly what sex is and how it's performed.

We've not shouted at her - although wanting to, believe me! We felt that shouting at her wouldn't solve anything and it might push her away from us if she wanted to ask questions about it in the future.

I've spent years telling her that her body is her temple and that NO ONE see's it.

She's been asking questions about sex already! And I've been as honest as I can but not going into too much detail for a 7 year old!

We've grounded her, I spoken to her about it, I've threatened to tell her grandparents (I was upset when I'd told her that bit).

I felt we needed to talk properly, so we left the friends house, and later on I ran her a nice bubble bath and we both spoke about what had happened.

I ended up crying about it all which led her to realise how upset I was about the whole thing and she started to cry .

I've told her that she shouldn't have sex or try to until she is at least 18 years old and she has to be married etc (I was desperate).

I've told her that if she ever wants to talk about things, then she can ask me, her dad, grandparents or she could ask a teacher who will keep it a secret.

Since that day, all was well, but then she started to ask questions about it today

I told her that she has to be 16 years old, tell me first if she's thinking of having sex and she asked why, and I said so that I can help her protect herself from getting ill.......what should I have said!?

This is so hard!

I know they experiment with themselves and ask questions, but at this age!? And experiment like this!?

Any advice would be appreciated AND please......No judgements.

I feel like a sh!t mother at the moment :(

I used the Usbourne body flap bookwhich explains the whole life cycle, so it's not just about the act of sex. It doesn't go into detail so I just explained that myself.

I just demystified the whole thing. They giggled a bit and haven't mentioned it since.

Look, what I'm saying is you need to give her the facts, help her think positively about sex and her body, but in the context thatyoushould be ina loving relationship, like mummy and daddy.

You asked for no judgements, but I'm sorry, i cant help but judge: you may be shocked, but your reactions have been seriously excessive.

Children's interest in and curiosity about sex varies at different ages, but is entirely normal. They should be listened to, and their questions answered openly and simply. If the discussion reaches a point where you struggle, then it would be reasonable to say something along the lines of "Can we talk about that in a little while?" to give you a chance to decide how to address it, rather than place some arbitrary and confusing limit on discussions.

Curiosity about each other's bodies is perfectly normal, as is a degree of exploration.

You say you're open, and talk about it, yet at the same time you try to reinforce a message of being closed about her body and you set arbitrary limits for discussions. It's confusing for her. Perhaps this variation on Doctors and Nurses went in the direction it did because she didn't know how to talk to you about it?

I would recommend 'Where did I come from?' as it answers the question about 'how it feels' for children of this age.

Like others say, I am sure it is nothing to worry about. I remember playing exploratory games with friends of both sexes at this age. We knew enough to keep it secret and that the physical feelings it created were a bit special and best not mentioned to parents.

In a different conversation, you could also remind her not to put any foreign bodies in ears, nose etc in case they get stuck and cause harm or infections. She may well be curious about that part of her anatomy but obviously you don't want to suggest something she hasn't already thought of!

OP - I get you. DDs are 7 & 9 - this would have been shock to me too, and not sure what I'd have said in response.
Your tread is reminder to me that I need to have 'the talk' with my DDs. DD2 hasn't a clue, very innocent 7 yr old. But who knows what DD1 already knows.

No necessarily homeboys, I knew that when I was 7 and am sure I told my less informed school friends about it! I have never know any kind of abuse.