Too scared to travel now that I'm a parent

[offmyrocker]

I'm mortified to admit it.
My DH and I were once upon a time big travellers. We've back-packed our way through a good chunk of the world and we always said that when we had children we would never let it stop us from seeing more of the world...
We now have an 8month dd and the thought of long-haul flights, and just the whole travel experience with a smallish baby makes me feel queasy.

I need to hear from some adventurous mums out there who haven't let a small thing like a baby stop them from going on exciting trips.

And any advice on coping tactics, for keeping mentally balanced and ready for any eventuality would be welcomed.

No help here, I'm afraid. Given up long haul travel since having DCs (currently 3.5 and 21mths). Just doesn't feel like it would be any fun at all. At some point it may feel like a good idea again, tho' suspect not for a while. We have a lot of fun doing local trips and short-haul - it's not as though the only bits of the world worth seeing are the far away ones, it can be an opportunity to get to know the closer ones better...

I already feel like I don't want to travel and mine's not born yet. Can't think of a hell much worse than taking a baby on a long haul flight.

with dc1 i was even afraid of short haul flights around europe - but tried one and soon got over it (used to fly just the 2 of us so no xtra hands to help).

then when dc1 was 3 we flew to USA for a family wedding - flew alone with dc as it was how the flights worked out. All fine btw.

Have flown with a 1yo for 3 hours and it was ok, but dc was still bf, so could easily keep them distracted.

Agree shorthaul, or driving holidays may be the way to go - driving holidays have been great with the family - you can see a lot and stop when fed up.

No help from me either I'm afraid, as I'm just like you! Travelling was a massive part of mine and DH's life before we had DS. But, even before I was pg I knew that I wasn't going to be able to travel in the same way once I had children. I'm quite a stressy person and even the though of doing some of the trips we did before, with children, fills me with dread!

Although I miss it shockingly, I miss the carefree element of it too and so it would never be the same now. I miss just being able to give up work and disappear for a few months, which is just not practical now.

We've accepted that for a good few years we'll go on holiday here, which is exciting as there's so much of the UK I haven't seen. we've also got a list of places we want to go to once our DC have grown up and flown the next!

I dream of taking the DC's to the Galapagos where we spent a month, but for how much it would cost us, it wouldn't be until they are old enough to really appreciate the experience.

We went on our first holiday recently - a four hour flight with no time difference, and it was great, but I won't be more adventurous than that for a good few years1

I've been on short flights with dd too, but always to stay with family.
I would like to know tho' about the best places to stay while on holiday. Friends say self-catering, but if we're going to give up on exotic travel for a while then the least I'd like is a bit of looking after in a hotel i.e have my room cleaned everyday and go out for meals, and not have to cook as I do everyday iyswim?
But then I start to think of the nightmare of traipsing hot streets in search of child friendly restaurants only to have an overtired baby start screaming just as our food arrives. I'm stressing myself out already and we haven't even booked anything!
Is there anyone that could calm my nerves and tell me that even a short-haul simple holidays are possible with a lo?

We had a fab time in a villa in Playa Blanca, Lanzarote. We has brekkie at home each day, and a couple of lunches there, but mostly ate out. VERY child friendly resort, they love children. It is stressful eating out with a bub every day as DS won't sit still for a second, but we took it in turns to take him for a little walk whilst we waiting for the food to come. Most of the restaurants were on the front so he could look over at the sea. There were also lots of parrots on perches along the front (not chained, just sat there) and DS loved looking at them, and he loved sitting the the little mechanical cars that were dotted along there aswell (but don't put money in and make them move, it freaks him out!!). We hired a car too so we didn't have to worry about waiting around for buses, or about missing transport back to the airport. Worked out about the same as three airport transfers.

The other good thing about self catering is the space you get. I was adamant I wanted a separate bedroom so when DS went for naps and to bed in the eve we had space to relax and chat without worrying about waking him up. we wouldn't have got that in a hotel, unless we spent far more than we did.

It was small enough and built sympathetically enough to satisfy the snobby anti-package holiday / brits abroad phobia that I have - DH wanted to go all-inclusive which is my idea of hell!

My family has kept travelling. Db took his toddler on the train to Italy from Sweden, I took mine on the train from Southampton to Berlin. It's harder work but still good fun.

we took our then 15 month old to australia to visit family - its was fine -but I wouldn't have done it if it hadn't been to see my brother.
we also took him at 3.4 to canada - that was a big sucess
we have a DS2 now as well - and went to turkey last year - baby fine, 4 year old not so much - found it too hot, not enough to do, and was going through a grumpy phase anyway
but the things with holidays and kids - at least the under 5s or so = is that they don't care where they are -eg in an exciting new countriy but they do care about things like it being too hot, lots (like my DS1) if they are out of their routine, if over tired, does't have anyone to play with etc etc - so travel while kids are little is less fun and needs for me to be focussed round their needs - so we go on holiday with family or some where we can get (a bit) of childcare - so we do get bit of break -
oh and self catering is def best way to go - or if you were going for a hotel a suite otherwise when child wants to go to sleep you have to as well - and I don't like sharing a room with my DCs as they sleep worse - so we go for at least a one bed apartment -
and also little children get up really early and want their breakfast - so self catering is def the best way from that point of view - tend to eat out a fair bit though - we found nice lunches worked best

We moved to New Zealand when DD was only 3 months and then flew back home when she was just under 2 years. Whilst we were there we tried to make the most of the experience and see as much of the country as possible so we did lots of travelling when we were there and had a couple of trips to Oz too. To be honest the trip out there when she was tiny was fairly horrendous but mainly because I was so anxious. My sister has worked as cabin crew on long haul flights for years now and she reckons she can tell who will have a difficult time as soon as they board the plane as it is mainly down to the stress levels of the parents. On the way back we broke up the journey and it was much better, hard work but there are lots of things you can do to make it easier. I have very recently had another baby and have just done my first short haul flight with the two of them on my own and I was really nervous but they were both little angels, big glass of vino for me when I reached my destination though . We have found self catering by far the easier option but have still managed to do lots of eating out, just choosing the restaurants more carefully and be prepared for one of you to go outside with LO to play if necessary. I guess planning things really well helps and keeping to a similar routine where possible. We also take a few key things for DD that she uses all the time, like her bedcover, nightlight etc to help her settle. But like someone else has written there are lots of beautiful places in the UK to see too. Whereever you decide to go I guess if you can stay relaxed and prepare for the journey you will hopefully have a great time, different to pre-kids but still lots of fun .

Italy is fab for little ones. Took DS1 when he was 9mths - we were driving around staying in different places. Because he was so little, and co-sleeping (and still BF) we only needed one hotel room. All Italian restaurants and cafes without exception seem to welcome children and made a huge fuss of him. Would definitely do that again, tho' think it would be harder work with a toddler, and since about to have 3 kids under 4, going to stay in the UK for a while.

I can remember when my first daughter was born I was terrified to even take her for a walk down the main road for the first time, the things we take no notice of before suddenly all seem so dangerous for a tiny little baby.

I obviously got over that pretty quick and I took he on a flight the first time at 8 weeks, I was pretty nervous and each time we had to travel I would get really worried, I still do occassionally!

I think it is something you just have to get over, travelling with babies and childre really isn't such a problem, it just seems like it. My girls are 7 and 4 and have been abroad on holiday loads of times, mainly Turkey. Don't worry so much, you can enjoy your holiday if you just relax.

What is it that makes you scared? The actual flight? entertaining a baby on a long flight? Or the 'technicalities' of being abroad with a baby?

We used to travel loads - and to be honest, we didn't want to have children as we loved travelling so much - but we met many people traveling with their children. We travelled mostly in Central America, and yes it is complicated, but fantastic for the kids.

Now, we are exploring parts of Europe that we never went to before, through house exchanges. We are registered with a website called Troc Maison (a French site) and we swap houses with other families for short and long breaks. It is a fantastic way to visit other countries with the security that you can come back to a real house afterwards and the kids sleep in nice beds and have a garden to run around. We have done 8 exchanges in total - two in the UK, three in France, plus Portugal and Italy. We have just come back from a fantastic 10-day trip to Paris, travelling on Eurostar. Exploring those places with children makes you see the stuff with different eyes. Also, it's a very cheap way to travel!

We have also done long-haul trips to Canada and America, and although it's hard work, it's fantastic for the the kids. We have two boys, 4 and 5 year old, and I took them once on my own to Canada.

Thank you all for some really helpful advice.
It hadn't even occurred to me about the fact that if we were to stay in a hotel we would then have to go to sleep at the same time as dd!

So obvious, but I suppose my mindset on holidaying and travelling is still on the pre-baby days .

Like everything else since dd was born travelling is just going to be about learning new ways of dealing with having another little human, as gorgeous as she is, she's extremely high-maintenance!

Really, really don't do hotels with babies and toddlers. It took me too many times to learn that you end up paying a lot of money to eat room-service in the bathroom at midnight when you've finally got the buggers to sleep in a strange place, get woken up repeatedly during the night and give them the biscuits from the tray for breakfast because most hotels are unaccountably reluctant to serve porridge at 6am. It would be much more fun to set fire to little piles of fivers in the comfort of your own home. We did several city-breaks with toddlers, far more fun than contending with sand/sunscreen/heat-rash on a beach. 2yr old ds loved Venice - boats! cake! bridges! pictures of babies on clouds! - and Paris was v successful because the Metro was a novelty, we ate lots of cake and there are good playgrounds as well as galleries and museums. Both times in a 2 bed flat. Now they're older, we're going back to longhaul and trekking and hostels, but it's hard enough having small children without trying to have adventures as well.

That made me chuckle WillaCather.
But wouldn't it be just as expensive to rent out apartments in these cities, even if it makes life easier?
I've been checking self-catering in France and for a start a lot of them cater for numbers larger than 2 adults and a baby. And secondly they're bloody expensive!

I think I will just stay home and wait it out until she's 10 .

I think I'm brave doing Cornwall with my toddlers [cblush].

just go!

It makes it easier if there are more adults than children (we realised once we had dc3...) on a plane ride.

If we stay in a hotel, we've always eaten out at lunchtime, then had a 'picnic' in the room in the evening (and plenty of wine!)

Adjust your expectations: long haul is fine as long as you're going somewhere vaguely familiar. We fly a lot to the US or Canada, and the familiarity of the language is a big help.
And you'll never see the other people on the plane again :) Although I once had dirty looks from a childless couple as we got on a plane, and then huge smiles, thumbs up and 'great kids' from them as we all got off...

Self-catering is brill until the children are older as you can keep your own hours.

Adjust your expectations (2): keep it very simple. Don't be too ambitious in what you and your dh want to do for sight-seeing for a few years. Plenty of museums and 'sights' are fine for a quick whizz round while the dc are interested, but hours spent anywhere won't work.

But plan well, be ready to ditch your plans and browse a few of the 'travelling with kids' books (being ready to ignore most of it!)

You can go off-peak, which makes things cheaper. I'd look for apartments rather than villas/cottages. And fly as much as you can while she's under 2 and you're not paying for 3 plane tickets. I fantasise about those Kinderhotel things in the Alps, where you get an apartment in a hotel, but they're really expensive during school hols and dh thinks all-inclusive would dynamite his street-cred or identity or something. But I would if I could.

I agree with bloocaow, just go!

We took our then 5 month old to australia and had a great time. We're very widely travelled too and it really does help. I was very anxious about how he'd cope on the flight as very very clingy baby and dreadful sleeper. I was BF at the time which made things much easier. And actually he LOVED it - giggled and played or slept the entire flight!

My tips would be:
Definately self catering or suite (apartment hotels are brilliant)
Lots of extra food/drinks for the flight, check with airport that they sell your milk brand
If you can afford it at all go premium economy for a bit of extra space (though the basinet seats in economy aren't bad)
Don't go anywhere too hot - a hot baby is a nightmare child, understandably
Take ear plugs so one of you can get some sleep
Take a sling - so many places you just can't get to with a buggy and fantastic for at the airport (many places you have to check the buggy in if it's a decent size)
If taking buggy put it in a buggy bag with wheels - they get filthy on a plane
Take your own car seat (in car seat bag), hired ones are disgusting and often unsafe
Take your own travel cot (we have a 2.5kg all in travel tent) so the LO doesn't have to get used to a new environment every time you move hotels.
Take plenty of spare clothes on the flight for you and LO - assume 24 hour delay and you'll be fine
New toy LO hasn't seen before
Consider dragging grandparents/other friends with child along if you get on well so you can get the odd night off (works well in villa etc)
IGNORE the grumpy looks you get from fellow passengers when you get on a flight
Oh and if you can, try a short haul flight out first to give you more confidence. I felt much better about flying to aus once I realised on the flight to london that he was having a whale of a time!

Just do it, you'll have a fantastic time!

There's a website called deliciousbaby.com that is meant to inspire this sort of thing, I think, although there's no real clue in the name!

I would definitely say no to hotels with small children on the grounds of stress and now I have large children I would say no to hotels on grounds of expense.

Personally I wouldnt take older grandparents. Our experience is that very early on in a trip we have realised that rather than taking GPs to help with looking after DCs we have in fact taken DCs to help look after GPs.

We always drive, we have 3 DCs so it is partly about cost and partly about convenience.

You can make an adventure of anywhere. The sense of adventure is in you not the place.

I took my DS 1 to Oz aged 15months, then again when he was six with twin Ds's aged 4 and again when they were 9 and 6 (the twins had their 7th birthdays in vietnam) a trip that also included thailand. Just go- accept that 24hours on a plane is going to suck and enjoy yourself when you get there. Kids are amazingly adaptable, mine all have their own little backpacks and will try almost any food that you put in front of them. Travelling with kids enables you to see countries from a different perspective. Sure you get whingy days but my lot are proud of the fact they have now been to 5 continents and 13 countries and are always looking at maps and deciding where they want to go next.
My DH and I met travelling so it was always going to be a part of life with kids.

Some hope at last that my travelling days are not over forever! Thank you ladies .
I have however some doubt over the sheer quantity of stuff that I'd have to bring with us...prams, slings, travel cot . Isn't there a weight limit?
Those are all things I just hadn't factored in.

I've already checked apartments to rent in Paris, and it's so hard to find ones that offer cots.
I'm definitely going to check the deliciousbaby site - thanks surgeonsmate, just for curiosity sake if anything.
Anyway thanks again to you all, it's been a real education that's for certain

We never go to a hotel, we rent out apartments and it usually works out a lot cheaper than a package in a hotel anyway. Look for a apartment that already has a travel cot, you can take your push chair free on a plane anyway.

Go ! In 8 months we have been to Germany twice (10 weeks and 6 months), Australia and have just got back from West Coast USA. In a way, the younger they are, the easier, although we did have more baggage than usual! Staying in hotels in the US was fine. All were happy to provide a cot and we would have an early dinner out ( say 7 pm) then back to the room to put our son to sleep and watch some telly. One of the hotels even organized a babysitter for us!

Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you have to stop doing all the things you enjoy - and for us, having him along only makes it more enjoyable.