Advice on routine with 4 year old and 16mo old, help!!!

[kiwi19]

I have a four year old and 16 mo old and am a stay at home mum. My older son goes to nursery four days a week in the morning. I never seem to be able to get the housework done, make meals, play with kids, let alone an other sort of task done. I've tried various routine ideas and they all just go out the window, but I feel like I'm always just treading water not able to manage it, always behind on everything. My real battle is how much tv to let them watch vs how much other things i can get done. Any thoughts from mums with similar age kids would be great.

The main issue is the younger boy just doesn't really play on his own, so when he's up he's an attention seeker a good deal of the time.

Thanks in advance for help here... I know lots of others feel the same way, but I would love to hear how you deal with things. Cheers.

I know EXACTLY how you feel!
My DD is 4.5 and my DS is 2.6.
I too have found that DS is less likely to play on his own while DD is at nursery, he just follows me around demanding attention the whole time.

The thing I have to tell you is that it DOES get easier.
As your DS gets bigger he will play on his own more and be more helpful and communicative rather than just in the way.

Wit regards to TV, I personally have a 4.00 rule. I never allow them to watch any TV or DVDs until 4.00 in the afternoon. They usually insist on getting their ration until supper time, so they watch an average of 1.5 hours a day.
I think this is enough.

I think something we have to accept is that while they are so young we are quite limited in what we can realistically do. The house is never as clean and tidy as we might wish and the standard of daily meals is not quite as high as it used to be. This has been hard for me, but I try not to set my sights too high!

Ooh, I have EXACTLY the same aged children as you OP (4 and 16 months) and my DS goes to nursery 4 mornings a week too and im a SAHM> I also get FECK ALL done. Wait, are you me?

Im glad to hear you are the same- sorry!

I thought it was down to my Under Active Thyroid and I was annoyed with myself that im always so tierd and behind with everything.
Sometimes I can't quite believe what a pit my house looks at times. I rarley even have food!! Maybe it is just their age then.

Like you, I keep thinking, surely I should be able to keep on top of this, it's only two kids, not 6?

My 4 yr old never stops talking. He follows me around and he also gets very hyper and annoying.

My 16 month old DD is unbelievably mad. Climbs everything, contantly empties the cupboards and is always inches away from an accident as she is so fast. Exhausting.

The only thing that helps is if I use my last bit of energy to get stuck in when they are in bed at 7 - instead of sitting on my butt on MN or watching Corrie. This can make or brake my next day. So tomorrow will be crap!

There is not much I can do about how messy things get throughout the day though. Today I couldn't even empty and fill the dishwasher because my two were outside fighting at the sandpit and every now and then DD was doing death defying stunts. .

Im just dreaming of the day he is at school and she is in nursery and I have 2 whole hours to get stuff done.

It's just a matter of survival I think. We will soon be thinking back to when they were so young and cute and how lovely it all was !

Ah, this was very reassuring to read your replies. Thanks so much for sharing your frustrations too! It does help me realize maybe I'm not completely useless, it's just the age of the two of them and it will get better, or at least different as they get older. It really has helped so much.

Sometimes I feel just on the verge of losing it as I just feel ridiculously useless as I feel I"ve accomplished nothing all day! The hardest thing is when my husband gets home at night (around 8pm as he works in london, and late) and I'm still cleaning up/doing laundry etc. I sometimes feel like a failure as I would like to have the house in a decent state when he gets home. But realistically it's just a cluttery mess until about nine when I've had a chance to catch up. And trust me, I'm not a neat freak, I just want a semi tidy house to start the next day with.

I think that I need to do a couple of things, make the kids clean up a bit more at the end of the day being one of them. I don't always do this, which does really bum me out when later in the evening the toys are everywhere in the lounge. Also, just gritting my teeth and doing a blitz clean right after they go to bed, I often think I'll just sit down for ten minutes, then I don't want to get up again. My oldest still has an afternoon nap, but this means he doesn't go to bed until 8/8:30, which makes th rest of my night just disappear. We are weaning him off this nap, so that should help them both get to bed at 7pm, and I'll then have a bit more time at night.

So, do you guys attempt any time of routine, as far as cleaning/shopping/cooking etc? I'm just trying in vain to become more organized, but I'm just not sure it's possible with this age kids. I do have a rough routine for meals/bed/bath etc but I'm thinking of cleaning, meal prep, shopping, etc. I just never seem to fit it all in, always behind...

cheers, to you all.

Wow. It does sound as though you have your hands full.
Putting your elder son to bed a bit earlier might really help to take the pressure off you as it would lengthen your evening significantly.
Neither of my children take daily naps anymore. They both quit at the age of 2.
I put them both in bed at 7:00. (Though that was easier in the winter!)
That gives me a little breathing space and time to myself in the evening.

Weaning your son off his naps shouldn't be hard. Just organise playdates, trips to the park etc for a few days to keep him busy and prevent him having the chance to nap. He'll be tired and you should notice an immediate change in him wanting to go to bed earlier.

Personally, I do my laundry first thing in the morning. I put the wash on as soon as I get out bed, before dressing myself and the children. By the time we have finished breakfast it is ready to hang out. Folding up the previous day's clean laundry and hanging out the wet load is all done before I leave the house on the school run. It dries during the day and is ready to be taken down and folded the next morning.

I do one big supermarket shop a week. I try to do it every Friday so that I have a full fridge to start the weekend. I occassionally go on Thursday.
I go first thing in the morning, after dropping DD at school. DS only goes 3 mornings, not including Fridays, so he usually comes with me to destroy everything in my trolley help.

I used to clean my house in once or twice a week splurges of a couple of hours. These days though, I find I can't concentrate on it for so long without being distracted. Instead I have changed to cleaning one or two things each day. I hoover the house every two days or so, clean the bathroom once a week, clean the kitchen when it needs it etc. Most of my cleaning gets done in the morning, leaving afternoons more free for the children.

I definitely agree with you about getting the children to help. I have recently made more an effort about this myself too. I now try to get the children to bring their bowls/plates/cups to the kitchen after meals. I also get them to clean up toys after they've finished playing with them and put books away. I struggle with my DD who changes her outfits up to 10 times a day leaving a trail of discarded clothes in her wake.
My DH tells me off for trying to tidy the house as we go along throughout the day. He says I should leave it like a pigsty until they go to bed and then blitz it. I know he's right and it would be easier, but I don't like living in a pigsty and I stubbornly try to clean things up as we go along.

Do you try to spend all your time with your children?
Personally, I do read to them/play with them/help them/spend time with them etc, but I am also prepared to say 'no' to some of their endless requests for my time/help/attention. Obviously they are important, but I want them to realise that they are not the only focus in my life and that I have other things that sometimes need to be dealt with. I am quite happy to say 'sorry, I'll help you in 5 minutes, I have to go and clean the bathroom first' etc. I honestly think it does them good to have to entertain themselves, work out a problem for themselves etc rather than expecting mummy to jump to attention everytime she's called.

I wonder if any of these ideas would be useful for you? :)

Bloody hell ruth. Your pretty organised! I wish I could give specific days for when I food shop etc lol!

Im often nipping to the local shop when DH gets in.

I do washing's in the evenings mainly but I may have had a few in during the day if all goes well.

I pick a rubbish TV night and blitz a massive ironing once a week.

The only useful thing I can add is I have limited the amount of toys available dramatically. I just alternate them and that way there isn't tons to keep picking up. I also make my DS take his, say, Dinosaurs back to his room if he wants his trains out etc.

The rest I just wing it. Sometimes I succeed and other days im crying in an exhausted heep!