How/when to introduce a routine

[salsaprincess]

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping someone can help - I'm a first time mum with a beautiful one month old daughter. The problem is I don't feel any more organised now than I did when she was a newborn. My partner has been staying at home since her birth and goes back to work tomorrow and even with both of us looking after little one, we've been chasing our tails. She seems to feed constantly (sips a little, then falls asleep, then cries again for milk a few minutes later) so I feel like I'm just feeding ALL DAY.

Also she refuses to be put down and will only sleep in our arms or next to us in our bed so it's impossible to deal with the housework, cooking etc. Even if I go to the toilet I have to give her to my partner to hold as she'll start screaming if I put her in her Moses basket. With my partner returning to work tomorrow, I'm seriously worried about how I'm going to manage with little one on my own. Any advice from seasoned pros (or anyone else for that matter!) would be gratefully appreciated.

Thankyou! (And sorry for the long post).

S xxx

is it a sling or a baby carrier (ie baby bjorn type) the latter are crap imo,i just use a bit of fabric in a tie i found online and it works wonderfuly for us (and ds is 15m and i'm 20wks pg)

Re baby clubs etc go if you want to. Th research says lo's don't learn to socialise properly till 3yr so no need on their part for now. That said when they start walking and crawling i found baby stuff great for them to explore safely. For now enjoy the portability of your lo and do what you want to do!

Yay well done! Hope things are much more fun!

What I've learnt with my 3 month old is that it that it helps to break even the simple tasks into stages with the most important first - so imho brushing teeth is more important than shower, so I always do that first. I try and have my shower before DH leaves in the morning or during the first nap of the day. If she wakes up while I am in the shower, I can hear her and she is safe in her cot.

I also find having things planned for the day makes you get up and go rather than fritter away time. Pack what you need to go out the night before and you are always ready to go.

This morning went like this:

6.30 - up and feed DD
7.00 - DD post feed snooze (she often does this), me shower and dress and breakfast. If she doesn't snooze then DH always has a play with her before he leaves for work.
8.00 - DD awake, quick wash, nappy off time, dress.
8.30 - feed again.

DH also takes her out for a walk early evening which leaves me time to do things.

@ Moonface - it's Mothercare's own brand baby carrier. I've heard stretchy ones are better but don't know which one to get - is there a shop that sells loads of them that you can go and try out?

@ Fantail - that's illuminating. One difference is that my partner works long hours so can't help me out much in the morning or in the evening - only weekends. Also unfortunately I can't breastfeed so seem to spend an awful lot of time sterilising bottles and making up feeds. This also means that I tend to time outings for when she's got a full bottle of milk just in case.

And I guess I'm reluctant to go out and socialise until the day's work is done which today consisted of laundry, banking, rescheduling some appointments for DP etc etc.. so I finally took LO out at 4pm!

salsa that's the exact one i had till 3m. We were given it but gave it up thinking ds was too heavy, so it was a suprise to realise how comfy the wrap was months later.

I really don't know about buying slings as i made ours, sorry. I google "make baby sling" and "tie baby wrap" or something and went from there...was very easy. Iirc some nct branches have "sling libraries" so you can try them? I think "natural mama's" web site has lots of sling info. Or google "babywearing". Good luck.

For slings, they are hard to find in shops but if there is a Slingmeet near you, you can try them there. Or watch the videos of slings in use on YouTube.

I have a Close sling which is great for a newborn but you might want something that lasts longer.

I guess that I am lucky that DH can work flexible hours. He really enjoyed being at home those first few weeks so has negotiated to work from home one day a week as well.

I wouldn't necessarily say that breastfeeding gives me more time. With bottle feeding you can get out in the weekend for 4 -5 hour stretches if you wanted as DH can do a feed. You also probably aren't feeding every 2 hours sometimes and I bet that your DD doesn't cluster feed? Could you use the pre-made cartons of milk occasionally when you want to go out? That is what my manager at work used to do.

Getting out at 4pm was probably a good idea anyway yesterday as it was so hot! We went out at 3pm, came back at 4.30pm.

In terms of house worky stuff, I try to do a load of washing everyday, make the bed and put the dishwasher on. Anything else is a bonus and DH and I can tackle everything else on the weekend, which is what we used to do pre-baby anyway, although anything else that I get done is something less to do in the weekend, which means we can spend more time together, or catch up on sleep.

Oh yeah, and it is 10am and I am still not dressed yet - so our routine doesn't always work!

Thanks again for the great advice ladies! Ok, DP is going to make me a sling (I can't sew) I've seen slings on you tube that are just made up literally of 5 meters of material tied round you in a special way and others that you have to sew - is one type better than the other?
Any advice would be appreciated!
Also, many of you mentioned giving dd a bath as part of her bedtime routine but I have to do it in the daytime when the neighbours aren't it because she literally screams the house down - I swear one day social services are gonna pay me a visit cos she screams as if I'm torturing her!
Any tips on how to make bathtime less of an ordeal for her?
I already make the room nice and warm, play relaxing music, I try to bathe or slowly and gently (using Johnson's lavendar baby bath) and have everything ready so I can wrap her up and dress her straight away afterwards - what am I doing wrong?

You don't have to bath them very often! We just top and tailed for quite a long time. Ds also hated baths, the only way I found of bathing him which he liked was to get in the bath myself and put him on top of me, once we had discovered that we didn't look at a baby bath again.

I found the Close Baby Carrier a life saver - it's like a wrap but you don't need to tie it, for about the first 8 months of ds's life I just put it on every morning over my clothes and lifted him in and out of it when required. In fact I ended up buying two as ds had reflux and was constantly sick all over the sling. The Ergo is great too, but not so good when they are tiny.

Just seen this thread salsa and wanted to add you're not doing anything wrong at bathtime, my dd is 4 months now and she hated bathtime up until a few weeks ago.
It wasn't the actual bath, it was the getting her out and dried, I also said that social services would be knocking on our door because the screaming was so bad, like we were hurting her :(
We have only been bathing (nearly) every night for the last month, and she has got more used to it but still screams sometimes
It will stop honestly but its horrible at the time!

Hiya, was scared to post first as know the GF routines are somewhat controversial to say the least. Started it at day 1 with my little one and he has slept 7-10pm, has a dream feed and then sleeps 11pm-6am and now 7am since about 6 weeks. If you are a routine person, as I am, it might really work for you. My DS is now 16 weeks, exclusively breast fed and although his sleep patterns during the day are somewhat variable what with growth and developmental spurts, since he seems to have such an ingrained idea of day vs night I haven't yet seen his nights disrupted (touch wood - it is still early days!) - EVERYTHING seems so much easier if you can sleep for a decent stretch at night!

I personally (though I may be in a minority on here!) think it is never to early to start introducing a gentle routine and my baby at least seems incredibly happy with it - though I am aware it doesn't work for everyone
Good luck!

Haven't read all thread but sounds very normal! My dp went back to work after 4 weeks and for the first few days I pretty much hadn't eaten, gone to the loo or had a shower/dressed/got my make up on before he got home from work - let alone done any house work! (very) Gradually it just seems to get easier; they get less clingy, you get used to doing things with one hand, you get more efficient etc. Although I must admit my dd is now 5 months and dp gets home and asked what we have done all day (not in an accusatory way, just in an interested way!) and I struggle to find an answer! Welcome to motherhood! I remember reading somewhere that the toughest thing about becoming a mother is getting used to the change of pace of life - just remember you are spending your time doing the most amazing job in the world - bringing up a child! I would highly recommend this book - it will really put things into perspective and was a life-saver for me!