9wo - feeling a bit sorry for DD, and for myself!

[Deliaskis]

OK, I fully accept that most of the answers to this are going to be 'babies cry, deal with it', but I would appreciate some feedback as to if there is anything I can do to help.

DD is nearly 10 weeks old, and is so far sleeping pretty well at night and in the evening, so that bit of it is really good and we're really lucky. The problem that we do have is that in the daytime, she really is just very whingey for a lot of the time. She doesn't sleep/nap at all well in the day and does suffer from mild reflux, but even when she is not tired or having a reflux episode, she just doesn't seem to be 'happy' very often. I would say there is about a total of an hour a day (absolute max, often a lot less) when she is 'content', as in when I can play with her, on her mat, or sing to her and 'chat' to her etc. The rest of the time she is whingeing. I cuddle her a lots, and try and put her down for naps when she seems sleepy, but she just seems to generally not be content very much. I have tried trouble shooting (offering feed, changing nappy, encouraging sleep, change of scene, etc.) but nothing seems to help. I usually end up taking her out in the pram, but I can't do that all the time. It's not horrid painful crying, it's just moaning and a sad face.

I'm not really asking this to make my own life easier, I just desparately want her to be happy, which sounds a bit ridiculous given she's only 9 weeks old, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

Anyone been through this? Is it just a phase, will she always be a default unhappy baby? I'm hoping lots of people are going to say their DC were like this and a few months later they morphed into cheerful chirpy babies!

D

Should have mentioned, she does settle herself to sleep at night, quite happily.

I have same with my grumpy baby lol he's 10 months now and a lot better but was generally miserable when little. Is she in a good daytime routine and are you putting her down for naps as soon as she is tired? She probably shouldn't be awake for more than 1 to 1.5hrs at a time or will get overtired and more grumpy and even harder to put down for nap :-)

I am trying to get into a daytime routine, and do put her down for sleeps at around that time or when I see her being a bit sleepy, which sometimes she does OK with and sometimes she fights a lot.

Sometimes though I don't think it is tiredness, she just doesn't seem very content, but that sounds ridiculous given she's only tiny still.

Good to hear though that it does sort itself out. At what sort of stage did it start improving? I feel like waiting till she can talk to tell me what is wrong is a long time to wait! But if it's just a newborn thing and will resolve itself in the next couple of months then that is easier to cope with.

I think what I am worried about is as the day goes on, I get slightly less good at being loving and cuddly and trying to help, and get a little tightly wound myself, which isn't going to help her be happy. I do try and get out with her though, I just don't want her to be default unhappy when we're at home and am at a loss as to what to do to improve it.

I know it is nothing compared to what some people go through so I'm grateful in lots of ways, I just want to do everything I can to make sure she is OK.

D

Hi Delia, I was sporadically on the feb antenatal thread so also have a little 10 wk old (ds2). So far he seems quite like this and i really don´t remember ds1 being the same but maybe he was. tbh he seems to just want to be held all the time and mainly by me so I just go with it and have him on me most of the time. Is this the case with your dd? You don´t have an older child do you? If not I would say don´t fight it, it will pass. whack mn on, or the tv, glue your arse to the sofa and give her all the cuddles she wants. Don´t worry about everything else that needs done. It is harder than it sounds, i know, but it is what will make your life easier in the short run.

Whatever winds us up also winds them up - she is still very, very tuned in to you. So as she gets tired - and you get tired - she will sense your tension and that will tire her out more - which tires you out more and so it goes.
You sound absolutely lovely and you're doing all the right things but newborns are hard work sometimes.
Do you have a sling? If not get one. If you have one then use that to go out with a bit. Just a quick walk around the block may cheer her up and then you can keep her in the sling at home whilst you do whatever you need to. Don't try and do too much though - this is the time you sit and look at the baby and feed her and change your clothes and maybe run a hoover over things once a week
If you have a garden have you thought about putting her out there in the pram? Some babies really like fresh air and trees and outside light and shadows and stuff. The pram on the lawn is a bit of a 1950s cliche but a lot of babies like it. Two of mine loved watching trees

My little grumpy improved at around 4 months then started to get worse again around 8 months but I think that was just frustration as he couldn't crawl yet or do everything he wanted to. Some babies are just grumpy though, it is very hard work I know and we still have bad days but it does get easier and if you have family or friends nearby (I don't unfortunately) then ask for help to give you a break even if only so you can go and have a nice bath in peace :-)

Hi rth , I do give her lots of cuddles but the thing is that this doesn't actually seem to help. I wish it did as would happily cuddle her all day if it made her more settled.

Weirdly, she settles in bed at 7pm perfectly on her own, sleeps till her 10.30 dreamfeed and then sleeps through to 6-7am, so at night she is a dream, I just want her to be enjoying life a bit more!

Thanks for responses though, it helps to think this is a phase, and fortunately I do have help, but as I said, it's not really the crying per se that is bothering me (as in the inconvenience or the stress), it's more that I want to 'fix' it, and I can't. I suppose this is one of those 'welcome to motherhood' things really, as I know there will be lots I can't fix, but I reeeeeally want to help her be happy.

D

Should have said thank buffy and northernlurker for replies, it does help, and I am sure it will pass. Actually having other people acknowledge that newborns are hard work is helpful in itself. I do have moments where I just think I am cr@p at this and that is why she is crying.

Thanks for replies, I really appreciate it.

Dx

No you are definately NOT crap She's obviously got in to a lovely bedtime routine - you just need to find your way in day time now.

with DD it was always tiredness as she was crap at napping but good at night. Babies this age get over tired after 1.5 hours or so and then find it even harder to get to sleep. I just had to bite the bullet and do lots of walking whilst still encouraging sleeping at home.