Is there a 'good' age to start nursery?

[fruitybread]

I'm posting here to ask rather than in the Nursery section for now.

I'm looking for research/evidence/studies that talk about an 'optimum' age for children to start nursery (part time or full time). Or some sort of pre-school care.

MY DS is nearly ten months old, and as I and my DP are self employed and work from home, we are doing a mixture of 'team tag' caring, and getting a close friend to childmind in the home for us.

Working like this is very very tough, but doable, just. As I haven't been forced by a return to a workplace to put my DS in any form of professional childcare, I'm fortunate enough to be guided more by his needs than mine in terms of nursery.

But I don't know where to start. Nearly all of the parents I know had their children in full time nursery before they were a year old, so they just tell me to do what they did. I've been accused of being precious because I haven't done so - also of 'making my life difficult', because it is an effort getting work done and caring for DS between us. I've also been told he will find it hard to socialise when he is older, and will be behind at school. Now, I thought all those arguments only applied to children who were older - the difference between children who went to nursery at 2 or 3 compared to those who never did, not children who started at 6 months or 9 months old.

DS is EBF, and I have felt very strongly so far that he is just too young to go into a professional childcare environment, if it is not strictly necessary. (Please, no one feel personally criticised here - I'm not posting in Nursery yet because I don't want people getting defensive about their own situations and choices).I 'm not in any particular rush to get him into a nursery, I'm just aware I'm getting very one sided and anecdotal advice from friends.

So I'd really like to know what evidence based advice there is for an 'optimum age' for kids to start nursery. I know it varies from child to child, but there must be some sort of general guide? They all start school at a certain age, after all. Help gratefully received.

TIA

If you are a SAHM, then unless you need some time to yourself, you don't have to send your child to nursery. Most SAHMs that I know have waited until they could get a place in a pre-school and take advantage of the nursery vouchers.

By about 8-12 months other mums go back to work and unless they have very willing relatives, the child goes into childcare.

Kids don't make 'friends' until they are over 2yrs old anyway and under that age it's important that they have a good relationship with their carer, so if you need some time to yourself, maybe try a very good nursery with hardly any staff turnover or a childminder.

Ta - I suppose I'm in the odd position (can't be unique though) where I'm self employed, full time and working from home - I had about 4 weeks off when DS was born, and I find it very hard fitting work around DS, but can manage it, just, as long as I don't do anything else. And I'd rather do this than have sent DS to nursery so far.

So not a SAHM, more a WAHM. I don't 'have' to send my DS to nursery in the near future, although I can see huge benefits for me in terms of work practice if I do. I'm more concerned to do what is best for him, given I'm in a position to be flexible. And that's quite a luxury, I know.

If over two is a 'good' age to use some kind of nursery care (or under two is less than ideal), is there any studies which support that? I am open to evidence here. If I become convinced that no nursery at all is best, then so be it. However, if there are real benefits to nursery in some way at a particular age, then I'd like to know.

DS does go to mother and baby groups, and various activities, btw - I'm not trying to raise a hermit!

Generally a "good" age is just 3.

The govt provides funding for nursery places once a child is 3 as it has determined that it is beneficial for a child to be in a setting like that.

I sent both mine at 3.0 / 3.1 and both thrived immediately. They know what's going on and are thrilled with the experience.

I am not opposed to children going earlier, I have just found that this age worked really well for both my children who are actually very different from eachother overall.

However, if you current setup is causing undue stress overall then I would definitely consider going earlier.

Because of the nature of my work (the Arts) I work a lot of evenings and weekends,also every week is different so nursery or childminder are not an option.
We have always used a babysitter. DD is just 3 and has been at pre school for a couple of months. She loves it and attends 3 mornings a week.
I have loads of friends nearby with little ones of the same age so she socialises a lot.
If I did work 9-5 I think I would use a childminder rather than a nursery as it's more home from home.

From personal experience (working in childcare) I'd say either start them before 9 months or wait til nearer 2.5-3 years - if you have a choice of course.

9-12 months is about the worst time as this is when separation anxiety is starting to kick in and it's quite stressful for the child. If you get them in before 9 months then separation anxiety hasn't taken hold yet. Children don't really get much from the social/peer aspect of it til 2.5/3 though.

If I had to use childcare full time for an under 2 my choice would be a nanny/childminder every time.

People I know in your situation get a nanny, they still see their DC at lunch / random points in the day sometimes, or a childminder very near their home so no time is wasted doing pick up/drop offs .

I'd agree with Rita about good ages to start nursery. If it's a bit later I'd say 2.5 years is quite a good age.

Hey, I did a masters in early years a couple of years ago, and although I can't remember the source, I remember that it was shown that children spending significant amounts if time away from the primary carer began to be of benefit after 2.5. I think with all if these things it of course depends on the child but if you can I wouldn't rush it. Good luck it's always tricky to feel you're getting the balance right.

Many thanks for responses, that's really helpful.

It's been hard getting a clear perspective listening to friends because it seems to me that arguments about what is 'best' or necessary for parents and what is best for the baby get very mixed up together. And it's very hard to pursue things because it's all very emotional, and I don't want to sound like I'm questioning their decisions! Sensitive area, isn't it - even me saying that I'm not instinctively happy about sending my DS to nursery before he's one is has been seen as a criticism of someone else's circumstances.... and this person promptly told me my son would have trouble playing with other children if he didn't go to nursery early on, which as he's my 1st DC, possibly only DC given my age, got me worrying. I think I'm also confusing people a bit - I've got a successful career, and have been seen as very 'work focused' (which I am, to be fair) - I've never assumed that because of that, I'd have DS in nursery care early on, but I think others have.

I have to deliver a project this summer that I'm working flat out on, so have to muddle on as we are until then. After that's done and dusted, I can take a view across the next year and a half, and try and organise things better/take on less work so we aren't looking at nursery until DS is over 2. We can use babysitters/a childminder if we need to. And we live in an area with a lot of mother/baby/toddler activities going on, so me and DS can socialise together until he wants me to bugger off a bit!

Thanks for the help.

It depends on the child and the nursery - there really isn't a piece of research that's going to be based on exactly your experience!

10 months is very little, but it goes quickly. Your current solution sounds great with an eye on going to look at and registering with local nurseries for when he's a bit older. Good nurseries often have very long waiting lists, so it's definitely worth going to look now.

I'm so glad you asked this question. I am in different situation but one which requires a similar decision; I have a full time nanny for dd (16 months) and ds (3 years) is in nursery in the mornings. I am wondering when to start dd - there's no rush, we'll keep the nanny on full time so the decision revolves entirely around when she would enjoy and benefit from it. I had been thinking around 2 would be ideal but it seems from this that a little later is better. Thanks for the advice.

i've read a little around this - I think around 2 or 2.5 is often cited as about right, some say more like 3 for boys. But a lot depends on the child of course. And I don't mean to say that being in nursery before then is harmful, just that they don't need it in the way that they do when they are older, and that as much time with a loving one to one carer during the very early years is good. My DS will start a few mornings a week as he approaches 3, then gradually increase the hours. But I know how very lucky I am to be able to choose to do that.