I refuse to settle in with my dad!

[xsteella]

Hi, im a 12 year old girl and i am being forced to live with my dad because of my mom. She has cancer and she doesnt want to take care of me because she claims that i am "bad" and because she does not have the strength to. The truth is that she doesn't even take care of me, my grandma takes full responsibilty. My parents are divorced of course and i dont want to live withmy dad. Also, how can i bring this to court? I want to fight for my rights not being forced to. Will the judges listen to my wishes or my moms? My dad doesn't care whether i live with him or not, he only cares if i see him or not. Also, i would like to really really bring this up to court, but i do not know how. I would like to live with my grandma but both of my parents disagree. These are my wishes and i should be granted with them. Plus, when i was small my mom wouldn't even be around i spent 50% of my life with my grandma and i dont want to stop. I would really like to live her, either my parnets like it or not. I dont want to be rude but if they make me i might yell at them, i am powerful in my own ways and will fight for what is right for me. My mom has alread submitted the paper work and i will start living with my dad beginning of May. I would really need some help right now! I really need to go to court for this or else my mom will regret this desicion. I am stubborn and know what i want, i will not see, talk, or listen to my mom if she forces me live with my dad. She will NEVER, i repeat NEVER EVER, see me again. Still the paper was signed by her but not written by her. Her friends have encouraged her to send me to my dads but i disagree.Also, her friend wrote the reasons why i should live with my dad, so technically this was't her decision. BTW, the visitation is every 2 weeks on mondays and tuesday because its my dads day off and i would like to keep it the same.Can you pelase tell me how? I feel like im being bullied. Do you think i will be successful? I dont want to lsoe my mom, btu if i ahve to i will. This is my lfie and i should have my choice to control my life. I need help desperately. i am going to run away from home if my mom makes me live with my dad......

xsteella - I'm so sorry. Your family situation sounds very stressful. From a parent's perspective I expect your parents aren't really telling you how hard they are finding things in order to try and protect you (which probably feels like evasion and excuses to you) and this is the only way they can see forward. But you've probably heard that from lots of adults lately and it's obviously not helping you find peace in what's happening in your life.

I suggest you call Childline on 0800 1111

I don't know if anyone can help you get exactly what you're asking for, but Childline will to listen to you with respect, give you advice, and let you know what your options are.

You could also try social services, if you google your local area and look for director of childrens services you will probably find a number or email. They can advise you on your rights. It may be that you don't need to go to court, sometimes family issues like this can be sorted through mediation where an agreement can be reached that suits everyone. If you do need court the citizens advice bureau (CAB) is a good place to start as they can advise on how to go about things (again google to find out where your nearest CAB is).
Basically the decision would rest on whether you are considered competent to understand the full implications of what you are asking for. Have you discussed this with your gran, it sounds like you should.
I hope you can resolve this, but please don't be too hard on your parents, it must be very scary having cancer and your mum is trying to do what she thinks is right for you. Its just that sometimes in doing that adults forget to involve their kids in the decision

xsteella I just found this article on line which shows that kids a lot younger than you can get their views listened to.
www.firstnews.co.uk/news/six-year-old-girl-allowed-to-choose-which-parent-to-live-with-i1194
What I didn't say in my earlier post is you will need to be patient. These things can take time and it may be that you have to suck it up and move in with your Dad for a while until things can be argued out. You are asking people to take you seriously about a big life decision and in order for them to take you seriously you will need to show you can deal with it in a sensible way. So please don't run away. I know its upsetting but you need to be strong and go through the processes to get your voice heard. Good luck

xsteella, where do you live? Words such as "mom" and "visitation" make me think you might be in the US. If so, which state?

Well spotted snorbs, xsteella if you are american nothing I have said is of any use - except maybe the have patience, don't run away and do talk to your gran. If you are in america try posting on www.reddit.com they aren't a parenting site, they deal with all sorts if stuff but seriously those guys know everything and they will definitely be able to advise what to do.

xsteella - I'm guessing you're American

Talk to your grandma, and ask her to apply for residency on your behalf. If your mother doesn't want you living there (cancer is a painful and tiring illness that may mean she can't cope, even when you are good) and your father isn't bothered, then nobody should contest your wish to live with youir grandma, but your grandma has to support you wish in this too.

DON'T run away from home. That's very dangerous, and will mean that courts are less likely to listen to you as you are making bad decisions. DO talk to your Grandma. Start asking for more sleepovers at your Grandma's house.