Insight into the important things in life

[katjuska]

I want my daughter to be kind and loving and caring no matter what that might cost her.

My friends want their children to be successful above all.

What do you think?

Kind and loving but also strong - otherwise you create a doormat. You have to have a bit of self respect too. The kindness needs to be directed - yes be kind to all but not repeatedly if they are unkind to you. Learn when to move on too.

I would like them not to be judgemental

Everyone is judgemental, Blueberry. Some people just don't like to admit it .

I think career success is important but it comes second to personal values, IMO. And yes, setting one's boundaries is an essentiat leveller to big-hearted kindness.

I am just trying to think of why someone would try and take a higher moral value of judging her friends because they want their children to be successful!

I think that children are born with a personality of their own and my job is to help them develop in who they are. DS1 is outgoing, chatty, has many friends at school, and loves drama. Second son is quiet, very good with numbers, and (hard to admit) much more clever than his brother.

I would like them both to discover who they are and be successful in whatever they choose to do.

To me, the most important value I would like my children to share is to be generous.

I want them to be happy. That might be by being successful, or by being kind and caring whatever the cost. Or both. Whatever floats their boat.

I want them to be happy.

It seems clear to me, Blueberry: the OP thinks personal values trump material ones.

FWIW I know several people who prize material wealth AND give very little attention to their "inner world", as a friend described it. I really can't connect with them because we have such different ways of being, and though they're wealthier than me I would never want to be them. If the OP's friends are like them, I can see where she's coming from.

Like you, I want my kids to be fulfilled and happy being whoever are, and doing whatever they most love.

It's funny this one isn't it.

I was sitting with two friends and our mob of kids at a softplay.

One friend was eye rolling and pulling faces telling us her DS (nrly 4) wants to be a joiner (big eyeroll) because he loves tools.
She said she is trying to tell him that he could be an Engineer or an Architect instead.

My DH is a joiner so I was a little put out at the face pulling and disappointment of how bad that would be.

Alot of people put too much worry into how clever they will be or how sporty etc, instead of letting them grow into whatever suits them.

My DH runs a succesful business and we are well off so I don't know if it was a touch of but it's irrelevant. My DH is a lovely person and thats what I hope my DS learns from him above all.

As much as I would love my sons to be stinking rich and want for nothing overall it is far more important to me that they are nice, good people that are liked by others.

Your reply made me smile quickchat at the moment ds1 (5) wants to be a binman and ds2 (3.5) wants to be a dragon "a real one that breathes fire". I guess ds1 can reach his dream but ds2, not a lot is gonna happen there...!