what do we think of this article - “Is it ever ok to tell off other people’s kids?”

[MrsShrekTheThird]

well as a teacher I do it all the time ... and wouldn't have a problem firmly "reminding" my children and their friends of the need to behave safely / sensibly. Very much doubt if I would have any urge to complain at random children. Just got me wondering, what do the rest of you think?

in my excitement I forgot to include the link

I read that yesterday and was by the whole thing.
Oh course she should have told them in no uncertain terms reminded the children of the height requirement at the entrance. And if that failed she should have asked a memeber of staff to deal with or to called for the manager to deal with them when they came back to harass the toddlers.

I think we all have a responsibility to act. In the same way as I stopped to help a boy who had fallen off his bike at Center Parcs last week. He looked about 12. I didn't know him, he didn't know me but I wasn't going to just cycle past and leave him to it even though he had a couple of other children close by. I was certain he hadn't done himself any major damage but he was clearly shocked and upset. One of the other children went to get help and his mum quickly came to deal with it. But I wouldn't have left until an adult had come or he had got up and back on his bike. I didn't know how far away adult help would be.

I don't think it's about shouting at them either (as per the article). Just pointing out the rules.

I often suggest to older children at our local park that swearing in front of toddlers and young children isn't really on (they mostly apologise and look sheepish). I also suggest that perhaps they should hang out by the cycle ramps if they want to swear as there are no little ones over there.

And one time I had to intervene when a group of children (who I vaguely knew from ds's primary school - all primary age) were making racist comments to one of the girls. I simply explained that what they were saying was racist and had they seen how much trouble Jade (it was about the same time) had got in on Big Brother for saying racist things. They appologised to the girl saying they hadn't meant it like that and then started chatting to me about Big Brother/the Jade situation.

I did yell at someone last week though. He was sat in his car queueing for petrol and smoking a cigarette flicking the ash out of his open window and hold the cigarette out of the window between puffs. I yelled from my car and when that didn't work got out and told him to bloody well put it out! I mean how stupid. I wasn't going to ignore the potential danger to him, us and everyone else there when we could all of gone up in an massive ball of flames. Again he appologised and stubbed the cigarette out (on his car door) and dropped the butt on the ground right by the petrol pump!

I think in the soft play situation she talks about I'd have had to say something - in fact I have said something to kids who are too big and boisterous for the under 2 or under 4 section before. Just a "aren't you a bit grown-up for this bit?"

Thinking about it, I've told off other people's kids a few times - when one ran into the road in front of my car without looking; another time when I saw a bigger girl pushing a smaller child out of the way at the bottom of the slide. I'd never shout, just as I'd try not to shout at my own kids, but I feel I can't say nothing in those situations.

she should have definitely told them off!! okay its not nice to have to do so, as their own parents should have done it if they were around but it's necessary for them to be told. if noone does tell them that's why these children think its acceptable behaviour
i had to have a word with some children yday for very similar behaviour to that in the park (taking over the baby equipment and whispering about the toddlers in a brattish way etc), i wouldn't just for a minor thing but if they really need it then i will

I very often remind children to behave better, and I would not be perturbed by someone doing it to my children. But I do it calmly , firmly but gently. You don't always know the whole story with other people's children. I've asked teens to pick up rubbish and intervened in fights.

Just read the article. Yes, she is a wimp.

OTOH - what I don't like is parents of younger children who have a "thing" about any older child and basically think any child ever the age of 7 is a hooligan - and talk to them accordingly. I try to bear this in mind when I'm tutting to myself about teens. They don't need demonising, just telling sometimes

It's just a terrible, 5-minutes-to-my-deadline non-article. I read it and was utterly meh about the whole thing.

I got as far as "six-form common room" and got annoyed because everyone knows it's "sixth form".

And yes she's a wimp. I'd have told them off no problem, especially if I got hit with a spit ball!

me too, tbh

It's hard sometimes to think how to say something to get the desired effect; ie to let the kids in the wrong know that they are not being fair and engage with them, rather than it being confrontational and escalating into something worse. I guess that's what her fear was.

My 2 are too young to generally get me into this situation yet, but I have been told off for telling off a friend's DC who was waving a stick in my DC's face because my friend said I hadn't given her the chance to do it herself first. I was gutted: firstly because I didn't think I'd been that harsh to the child in question to merit it being called a 'telling off' (more along the lines of 'put that down, you could hurt him!'); and also because if my DC had been doing the same I would really, truly hope that anyone else would intervene before something potentially hazardous happened. After that experience it has made me really doubt myself when I see other situations, in case an enraged parent will descend on me. So the other week at toddlers, when a child soundly slapped 2 other children around the face in succession, I did say something along the lines of 'I don't think that's how you should treat your friends, is it?' but equally got sweaty palms and the fear, in case I was about to be rounded on by their parent...

I guess I am very sensitive though.

I tell off other people's children all the time, if they merit a telling off or their parents are absent/ignoring their appalling behavior.

I don't storm in and rage at them - never ever would I do that. I'm nice, really, but it still gets me into trouble. I say things like "That is the third baby you have pushed over, Gracie - don't push the babies over, it hurts them!"

Large spoilt four year old wails at her mother. Large spoilt child's large spoilt mother comes and mouths off a la Jezza "I'LL DEAL WITH HER, OK?"

"Yes, well", I said "You weren't though, were you? You were drinking tea with your mate while she continues to rugby tackle two year olds and tread on babies. If you were dealing with her, I wouldn't have had to say anything, because you'd have stopped her when she started behaving like a bulldozer, which, by the way, was ten minutes ago."

They retreated back to the tea corner, sat there 'givin' me eeevils' for a few minutes, then stormed out in a high dudgeon. I heard through the grapevine that the group leader rang her and told her off for shouting her mouth off and upsetting the children (which she did) and not supervising her daughter. Well, I say I heard it through the grapevine - the group leader told me.

Said large spoilt child is still large and spoilt though. Can frequently be seen wailing in the playground when games are not going her way and children are not obeying her whims. She's in the same class as Ds2.

Right, apologies in advance for not reading the link , but in response to the question "is it ever ok", I think it's only ok if the parent/carer isn't in the room, or is otherwise occupied with another child so can't deal with it.

I have a massive problem with some friends who are ALWAYS telling my DS off when I'm right there trying to tell him off myself, and they basically just talk (and, tbh, sometimes shout) over me. Completely unacceptable in my view and it really winds me up. I've had to have a word, but coming from the angle that he's challenging and he needs to know that I'm in charge.

x-post colditz - I would also like to add that I think it's also more than ok when the parents don't look like they give a shit are otherwise slightly distracted.

(we also have a large bulldozer who continually hurts other children whilst mother just stands there)

I am fairly tolerent of "Whoops, didn't see you!" over excited bull dozering. but this girl was grabbing the backs of babies' heads and pushing them over deliberately.

Horrible child. She still is, two years later.

I regularly tell other kids off. The ones that push roughly past DD, who is sitting on top of the slide ready to go down, for example (and I always make sure she doesn't sit there for longer than few seconds if there's a queue)- of course, I'm polite, but firm. Should I just stand there? I also wouldn't mind if someone told off my dc if they weren't behaving well. I like the whole 'raised by the community' concept (obviously different from being interferring, nasty person who thinks her child is the centre of the world and all others are horrid buggers, iyswim)

Ah, yes, I tell off kids that I see being rough with other dc, not just mine, if that wasn't clear.

Or teenagers who occupy the play equipment for 3 yos and smoke and swear etc.

I'm afraid I gave up on the article after a few paragraphs because the writing was so shit boring pretentious.

But my tuppenceworth about other people's children: yes to gentle reminders, yes to firm words particularly if someone is going to get hurt, but no to yelling.

I think it's ok if they're doing harm at the moment and you need to stop it.

Otherwise, no. I've seen too many incidents of people telling other people's dcs off being completely over the top, inappropriate and grossly unfair.

They're invariably the ones who don't notice their own dc's bad behaviour.

Like mossi, if they are doing harm you need to stop it.
If just being a bloddy nuicence, I'll try keep my mouth shut. But if I get annoyed enough I will say something regardless.

I think it's hardest when dcs are little, i.e. pre-school, as then you have the issue of what to say, if anything, if the parent is there. Now that my dcs are all at school we usually have their friends over without the parents, and I take it as a given that it's "my house, my rules" and I assume my dcs' friends' parents do the same. Like dd2's friend who obviously had no problem with walking into our house and opening the fridge to see what he could help himself to. I explained that maybe his mum was ok with kids doing that, but in my house he could ask me if he wanted a drink. Kids also get better at understanding that all families have different rules, and at being told off by teachers!

I do confront children if public if necessary, but I would like to be better at it. I always expect them to argue back, which they sometimes do. I guess in a soft play I would get one of the staff to talk to them. I'm always pleased if another person tells my kids to stop running aroung the cafe or whatever - they listen better to them than me!