Having 3 - if I had third at 36 would it kill me or not?!

[Em32]

I have a nearly 21 month old and a 9 week old. I would really like three children but struggled through pregnancy no2 with spd towards the end (also have fairly big babies, both were nearly 9lb when born). I'm 33 now and don't want to get pregnant next year as I'd like a break! My question is would I be completely mad to be trying for no3 in early 2007? Will leaving it a bit later make it easier with the age gap? I definitely feel being pregnant was much harder second time round and I found the early few weeks with lack of sleep even more difficult this time. I have a boy and a girl so people seem to think I ought to be happy with what I've got - I wanted children though, not particular sexes of children so still feel the urge to have a third. Am I mad? Thoughts please.....

No you're not mad. I would love to have another, and I also have one of each so know what you mean about others' opinions. If you wait until no1 starts school then I'm sure it will be easier for you than it would be now, plus you'll have time to recover from the SPD (had that too) and get your body back together again for the next pg. Nothing wrong with having a baby at 36.

Better you than me! I'm 34, 34 weeks pregnant w/our second (and last) and will be very, very glad when this one is safe w/us and our family is complete.

I think people have a biological urge to have as many as possible, but we're nipping that in the bud (DH is going for the snip, but if he weren't, I'd opt for sterilisation), as this pregnancy has been even more trying than the last.

To each his own!

I'm still under 30...but have 2 boys similar age gaps to your and had spd baaad at the end of my last pregnancy. I also want a third

At the moment I am trying to get fit and loose weight and tone my abdominal muscles a bit. I think being fitter will help me. Like you I want to leave a good years gap at least. My thoughts at the moment are-
wait until ds 1 defo doesn't use the buggy anymore, just the buggyboard...so by the time no 3 is here he will be totally off buggy stuff. He will also be daytime potty trained (I hope!),
wait until ds 2 is walking confidently and can climb the stairs so I don't have to do as mcu lifting. (our house is on 3 floors) Would also be good if they could climb into their own car seats etc etc. Ds 1 will be going to some kind of childcare at least 3 1/2 days a week.....

I don't want my ds 1 to feel pushed out...i.e me have baby then him start school within a few months and I don't want to wait till the Jan. after he starts school either...

I don't think you should worry too much about your age...but you should figure out how to make the pregnancy and early days easier with your exsisting kids...so you survive physically and mentally!

Why don't you just wait if you're not sure. Or maybe, come next year you will feel different....... I had DD when I was 43 , not deliberately but there's no rush, do it when you're ready. Personally I think people having children with small age gaps are mad but I wouldn't have chosen to wait as long as I did between mine (7.5 years) either.

Hi Em32. I have 3 - 4.5, 2.5 and 8 months. I was 31 when I had 1st, 33 with 2nd and 35 with this one. I also had q.severe SPD with all 3 and v. bad morning sickness with the 2 girls (last 2). The 3rd pregnancy was v. tiring but we moved house to new area when I was 6 wks pregnant and had builders in for quite a bit of the pregnancy. My 1st 2 were 9lbs 10 and 9lbs 11 but interestingly the 3rd was 8lbs 4, which I've heard is quite common. I'm toying with the idea of a 4th when I'll be 37. Lots of people have their 1st at that age, don't they. Go for it. It's hard work and I partly wish that I'd had a slightly bigger gap bet. 2 and 3 cos the pregnancy was so hard, but then again the close age gap works well. Best of luck whatever you decide.

No particular thoughts, just wanted to say I had my 3rd at just over 36.5yrs. Gap from 1st to 2nd being 2yr6mths and from 2nd to 3rd being 2yrs10mths.

Em32 - My Mum had her 3rd at 36...... and her 4th at 40!

And I had triplets at 46! Helppppppppppppppppp!

1st at 28, 2nd at 31, 3rd at 34, 4th is due in jan and I'll be 36.

My smallest age gap so far is this one - 2 yrs and 4mths. Others 3 yrs and 2 yrs 7mths. I think you are a star doing a 19mth gap - I wouldn't!! MUCH harder work. I think 2 is a real turning point for children - much more independent and settled and less time consuming - 2.5 - 3 yrs is a great gap. Also 19mths is quite tough on your body - did you know relaxin takes a full year to leave your body after birth? So I'm sure SPD etc is worse if you have them closer together.

But the bottom line is ... if you think you want another one now, when the little one is only 9 weeks (and most people are still swearing at that point that they will NEVER do it again!) then that's what you want. So go for it - and if you leave a bigger gap you'll think it is (comparatively) a piece of pie having no 3 to no 2!

Hi Em, how's it going? Come and say hi on the August post-natal club thread.

My mom had her 3rd at 42 and it didn't kill her. Actually my baby sis has been the easiest and most well-behaved out of all of us according to my mother. I really don't think 36 is nearly as "old" as it used to be to have a child. Hope all is going well.

You don't have to decide anything now Em.

no, not at all. I'm 35 and have just had my 2nd. we're not planning on a 3rd but wouldn't totally rule it out yet. we have a 3 and 1/2 yr gap between them both. originally wanted them closer together but i m/c twice, but having the bigger gap is great. i'd just see how you get on over the next couple of years and them go for it if its what you want. don't be put off by age.

Message withdrawn

Thanks everyone for being so positive - looks like I need to start doing some pilates so I get my stomach back and am a bit more prepared for next pg! Yes, I am mad having a 19 month age gap but we knew we might want a third so I wanted to get on with it.....

Hi Em32 i had my 1st at 36,wanted another one quick but 2nd didnt arrive till i was 41.
If i was 36 now i would certainly have a third.
My boyfriend wants as many as possible but then he is 37!! the toy boy!
Go for it!

36 is nothing! I envy your youth. Grrr. Younger than Kylie!
I had my second and last (sigh) at 41. She's nearly nine months and unspeakably lovely.