My own behaviour is crap.I lose it every day.Help needed please

[mollyt]

I lose the plot with both of my little girls (2 and 4)almost every day - the red mist decends and before I know it I am literally screaming at them. I then spend the rest of the day feeling very shakey,my blood pressure is through the roof, slightly blurry vision and very guilty .
I think I need help with anger management - I have very little patience despite how hard I try and vow most evenings and mornings to be a nice mummy.
I find both girls whiney, demanding and difficult and every single thing is a huge battle - hair,teeth ,shoes,breakfast etcetc is a nightmare.They are not good sleepers (never have been) so we are all permanantly knackered.

I really am hanging in there and just wanting to fast forward a couple of years which I know I'll kick myself for.
I really feel very lost and alone with this and need outside help.
my partner and GP are both fab but can't be there 24/7 - I take a/d's.
Any supportive comments /suggestions welcome.

Molly - Sounds horrible for you. I'm so sorry. My kids are younger and I haven't really had your experience, but I do feel for you.

Is it possible the anger could be a side affect of the a/d medication? Are you like this in other situations (i.e. with people other than your DDs)? Have you specifically talked with your GP about your anger problems? Is there anything you can do to improve the sleep situation (in my experience all problems are exacerbated by a lack of sleep, some barely exist when you are all actually getting the sleep you need)?

You may find learning some different parenting strategies helps a lot (whatever the underlying reason for the anger). I don't get any red mist but I do get a fair bit of frustration and I get snappy or react in a counter productive way on a semi-regular basis. I find it is often because I am expecting too much of them for their age and trying to get them to do things in a way that just isn't working. I look for other strategies and that can help me see the actions that cause me frustration in a different light (some of the time - no matter what, some of their completely age appropriate behaviour still winds me up).

I hope you get better advice of others and find a way through this. Don't be too down on yourself, parenting is hard, and you are clearly trying hard.

thankyou SP.x

bump

Molly, this thread hasn't really taken off. I wonder if you might find more people with experience and solutions in one of the other topics - was thinking Relationships or Mental Health as they often seem to have threads on dealing with feeling angry.

Thank you for posting this- I too feel like this and thought I was the only one! I have 2 dd's age 4 and 2 and ds aged 12weeks. I used to think I was just tired but now all 3 are sleeping ok. So cant use that excuse anymore! Used to be up every 2 hours with one of them but I usually get one good block of 4-5hours. Was your gp helpful? I usually find having a night out. Does me good and makes me feel better

Have you tried a parenting course? I use to really struggle with my 2 and barely made it through each day but i went on a parenting course at my local sure start centre which was fab. Firstly because for 6 weeks the children were in a creche for an hour a week while I got to talk to adults and drink hot tea but mostly because i met other parents struggling with the same sort of things and learnt stratedgies to deal with their and mine behaviour. I was really agaisnt going at first as i thought i would be judged but everyone was very supportive .

Playful Parenting is a brilliant book if going on a course is too much.

I have zero patience - always have done - and i find having thought out stratedgies to deal with the childrens behaviour means i am a lot calmer.

Mollyt you are not alone. I too found that my days were like this. One thing I did was to try not to shout.
When I started shouting everything escalated. I still get angry,but I don't shout. It makes things less fraught.
I know a mummy who did the Surestart Parenting Course too,found it very useful.

I get really angry too, with my 4 yearold boy (also have 2 yrold boy and 5mo girl but it is the eldest who I find really difficult).

I have just started reading a library book called "bringing up happy children" which seems to be helpful with strategies - haven't got far yet though! The main gist of it seems to be that when you get in a difficult situation you are supposed to think about what is going on for you and also for them before you wade in.

thanks will order book from amazon just oredered playful parenting too.watch this space.