Just smacked ;-(

[theworstmumintheworld]

and left a mark on 4 year olds leg.
She is being a monster and I am one too now.
Today alone she has chucked stones on the grass, scratched the baby, hit friends and sister, scattered others games and shouts and screams at the slightestest provocation. Is cruel to the cats.
She sleeps 12 hours a night gets plenty of one to one, a healthy diet and usually a consistant response to bad behaivour. She has time out initially then tv ban.
Today after twice being brought in from garden and sent to room for hitting and 4 time outs for rudeness she asks me where a toy was I told her and without looking she shouts "no its not" (it was) and I lost it.
I am so fed up with her being contradictorary on everything and being shouted at and spoken to so rudely no matter how nice I am.
I know I should not have smacked and will try not to again but she seems immune to punishment.
Plays happily when isolated and while upset when she can't visit friends due to behaviour will not modify her actions so she can go.
Keeps asking for play dates like her sister and I have explained she can not go until her behaviour improves.
She is a bit jealous of baby, now one but this only started recently.
She has her own room which she loves.
She starts school in August and this can't go on, what do I do?

Does she go to nursery just now, if so how does she get on there? I have a 4 year old DS and he really tests my patience too, don't be too hard on yourself, being a parent is tough sometimes, maybe next time try and walk away to calm down first before giving her into trouble as you'll have a clearer head. I started a thread on smacking a couple of weeks ago and there were a lot of different opinions so you might have a few angry replies to your post!

I did walk away and told her she was in danger of being slapped as could not take being shouted at anymore.
Yes she goes to nursery but a recent intake of three year olds has upset her.
She has only just got over the admission of a child with behavioural problems which she was immitating.

Hopefully going to school will tire her out a bit and she will start to calm down, could you offer her more one-on-one time, she will be reacting to a new baby as well as you said and maybe feels that bad behavior results in more attention than if she was well behaved.

I really feel for you, I've got a 'strong-minded' little one too. Unbelievable. I think I may have mild post-traumatic stress syndrome. How can someone so little be so full of pure anger?! Look, it's definately 'normal' for a lot of people. I think, perhaps she will learn to regulate herself when she realizes that her friends at school don't want to play with her...They say peer opinion matters so much more to children than that of their parents...I don't know either really, just saying yeah I feel for you.

you say timeouts but is she allowed to play in her room? Sounds like you need a proper punishment that she doesn't enjoy - e.g. proper enforcement of naughty step/standing in corner.

Also, I know you said that you will try not to smack again but I think its worth realising that the smacking was more of an outlet for your own anger than a decided-upon discipline system. Also, if she is being told off for hitting and you hit her then you are not exactly reinforcing the message you are giving her!

Hope don't sound too critical - just think its important to take a step back and look at things objectively.

Are there lots of Easter things going on in your area? I wouldn't punish her by not allowing playdates, that punishes you mote than her

don't forget to praise the good and ignore the bad so if she's being whining just say 'i'm going in another room now, please come and talk to me when you can talk properly'
then if she eats her dinner nicely go overboard with the priase
ask her to help with the baby
do a reward chart - she 'll love stickers at that age

You are not a bad mum, 4 is an enormously difficult age - much tougher than the so-called 'terrible twos' because they are so much more articulate and able to express themselves (and so really get on your nerves).

I would agree with the poster who suggested a punishment that does not put her in a situation where she can have the solo play she enjoys, naughty step definitely a good idea. We used to put our two in the corridor outside the living room, nothing to do there. (Not for long, obviously)