Playground bullying...Mothers

[Bibiandlolasmummy]

i've not long returned home from the school run and I'm in floods of tears. I feel so pathetic and weak and angry at myself that I get like this.

5 years ago my husband and I separated. He was violent and I put up with it for years keeping quiet about it. I was bullied when I was younger and like then I just took it and didn't tell anyone. As my girls got older they started to become aware of what was happening so I decided to leave. Even after leaving I begged him to get help for his anger, offered to go with him, I just wanted to make it better for our family. Eventually he agreed and we arranged to meet up for our first session, I waited and waited but he didn't show. When I got back home he was there and told me that he'd been having an affair and was in love with someone else. Part of me was devastated but another part of me felt free.
To cut a long story short, although the affair seemed to be common knowledge to mutual friends, because the girlfriend was from a catholic family she wanted to keep it quiet and decided to start rumours that I'd left because I had someone else, my ex was devastated and she was 'helping' him get through it. I was getting grief left, right and centre and like the weak individual I'am I just got on with it. Ex friends would still speak to the girls but would completely ignore me. Even people I didn't know well were talking about me and didn't do much to hide it. My younger dd has started school and I've found myself in amongst these Mothers who were doing all the bitching. Even ones that were nasty I've tried to make an effort with as my dd plays with their children. My dd is having trouble mixing as she is shy but has really taken to 2 of the girls.

This morning the children have had to take in to school Easter eggs that they have decorated at home and I was shocked at what was coming out of their mouths. They were bitching about Mothers and children. One Mother they particularly dislike, who is 'up herself' because she has a nice car and goes to work was this mornings subject once, they'd finished bitching over her ds egg they said she 'hadn't got everything as she had ginger kids' I was shocked and hurt and my dd (a redhead) was in earshot and she just looked at me then the bell rang and she went in. I really wanted to say something but didn't know what and didn't want to make things difficult for dd. I wasn't part of their conversation they were just being very loud nearby.

Not being able to stand up for myself is bad enough but today I didn't stick up for my daughter and I feel sick about it. I feel bad for my girls that I'm so pathetic :(

Awful, awful people. You are not pathetic. Your girls don't hear you talking about others like that.

I'm feeling angry on your behalf.

Any chance of moving areas and getting a fresh start?

I would normally suggest you ride it out but if the whole community is acting weird with you it might be better to just cut your losses?

New start somewhere else seemed like my only option a while back but the girls had so much upheaval and were upset at leaving the family home and pets, dd1 had just started school and couldn't move her. Took her a long time to settle and uprooting now is unfair on her. It's not the whole community but just unfortunate this bunch have dc's same age as dd2.

I just get mad it's been 5 years and things have improved between xdh and I, it's just still being talked about by bitchy mothers. What gets me is they have so much to say about everyone else but other than the school runs they do nothing. The one even said she had moved her chair by the window to watch the 'mugs' going to work!! I need to find it in myself to not give a flying fig but for some reason I can't.

what a load of stupid pathetic cows...

step one. ignore them, they are lazy and ignornant and stupid..

step two.. there will be mums in that playground that are nice and normal.. try to seek out..

step three if anyone is spreading untrue crap about you thats slander.. you can sue.. obviously you wouldnt go this far but it may be worth a call to the catholic bitch saying thats what you will do if it continues,, also to her parents.. write a letter telling them you have taken legal advice over the matter..whats your exdh doing about this... tell hime to man up and sort it out for dds sake or you will....

step 4.. seel out groups, church mums from school, social groups, pta(though often super bitches on these but not always)

step 4 if that silly cow mentions gingers again go to the head and complain but tell her to not say its from you... thats as bad as racism and she must be stopped for your dds sake.. personally if anyone said thst in my hearing i would have wiped the floor with her but you sound much nicer than me..

YOU ARE NOT WEAK, YOU ARE A STRONG AND INDEPENDANT WOMAN...

people that have nothing better to do than criticise other people are usually very very unhappy themselves

Well, they sound a right shower of witchs!

You did well to not get drawn into this. I don't think any good would have come of responding.

Can you quietly encourage your DD1 to make some friends with nice moms? Arrange some playdates, etc?

You should feel sorry for them more like - they sound utterly pathetic. Ignore them and concentrate on making nice friends with some of the nicer mum's. I have no doubt you will have the last laugh!!

pick off the biggest gossip and give her the full story about the split

It isn't you that's pathetic!

They may look like a scary bunch to approach but they are CLEARLY very insecure people themselves.

If the were happy in their own skin, secure and confident people, it wouldn't dawn on them to bitch like this about a woman who works and has a car ( not too bizzare is it), a childs egg and children with red hair FFS.

They have been drawn to each other because they are in the same petty league as each other - not people who you want to hang out with really.

You sound lovely and you have had a horrible time in the past. If people put you down you tend to believe it and are therefor quick to judge yourself.
I think you know deep down though, you are not the problem here - they are.

Don't make an issue with your daughter about this comment. If she brings it up just tell her that some people can be jealous and not very nice and it makes them feel better about themselves if they put others down, it's very silly really.

You did the right think not to get drawn in by them, they aren't worth the stress a confrontation would have caused.