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Original poster

MIL comments about overfeeding a breastfed baby

20 replies

Quantic · 13/04/2011 11:15

My DD1 is 8 weeks old. She's been breastfeeding well since birth, we feed on demand and she's a happy healthy baby. She's large for her age compared to other babies though - she's got long (her Dad is tall) and chubby quite quickly but the health visitor is completely happy with her weight gain and says she is perfectly healthy.

My MIL keeps making comments about how large she is and how I am feeding her too much. If DD1 makes any sign of being hungry and I go to feed her, MIL comments 'she's not hungry' or 'i don't think those are hunger signs' when I know she is hungry. It is driving me slightly crazy and also, as a first time Mum, making me doubt myself. You can't overfeed a breast fed baby can you? Does anyone else have any experiences of this and any advise on how I can shut my MIL up!

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thebody · 13/04/2011 11:19

sorry but a silly cow..you cant over fed a bf baby.. shes obviously a bit jealous as you are coping so well.. bite tongue and ask her to help do the ironing, cleaning for you instead..

do not doubt yourself, you seem to be doing fine... i bf all of my 4 on demand... she doesnt know what she is talking about love... well done to you and keep smiling...

last resort.. get dh to tell her to back off... or your own mum..

SingingSands · 13/04/2011 11:21

Sometimes bf babies aren't hungry, but they might be wanting a cuddle and a suckle because they are tired, or in a new environment that scares them a little, or feeling grumpy or they are thirsty etc etc - breastfeeding is not just about food, it is about comfort and security, tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it.

SchrodingersCatFliesToOz · 13/04/2011 11:23

God the pediatrician thought I overfed DD2 and was pleased when I stopped BF because we will be able to see that she is overfeeding. Turns out she was having less milk than recommended for her age, but still was massive. She settled when the weaning started. she is now normal height and weight (well top of the curves but in proportion).

As advise by my MW and seen on many thread here: you can't overfeed a BF baby (or FF for that matter) the only way to overfeed them is to put something else in the milk.

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JoyceEasterBunnyaby · 13/04/2011 11:24

I can tell you that you can't overfeed a BF baby and that it sounds to me like you are doing an utterly brilliant job of feeding your baby!! When I think of all the struggles I had to get BF going with my DS who was (and is) a fussy little sod, I'm quite jealous! Seriously, keep doing what you're doing - it sounds fab to me and I bet your DD would agree with me!

I can't tell you how to shut the MIL up, though - after ten years of marriage, I'm still nowhere near figuring this one out!!

SlightlyB0nkers · 13/04/2011 11:25

You're right, you can't overfeed a bf baby.

I've no experience with an overbearing MIL though and would be finding ways to send her home if I was in you shoes.

Would distracting her work? Like "did you get your hair done?".

Or get your DH to speak to her about her bossy comments. They are unhelpful and undermining. She's raised her kids, now it's your turn.

I love relatives who just keep their opinions on child raising to themselves unless asked specifically.

Albrecht · 13/04/2011 11:31

bf babies have to actively suck the milk out and won't do this if they don't want to. Also the more you allow her to feed, the content of your milk will change to meet her needs.

Keep repeating that hv is happy with her and so are you! Kellymom has some suggestions about dealing with criticism here

lecce · 13/04/2011 11:36

I had exactly the same with my mil, she suggested I 'ration' him and she kept on about his weight right up until his physique slimmed down when he was about 3.5 - I stopped bf when he was 10 months- but she would often give the impression that I had 'ruined' him by always giving him food when he asked!

I used to just smile and ignore it - I am a wimp, though tbf I didn't see her that often so it was easyish to ignore. I would ask your dh to have a word with her, or you could also show her some research/info that explains how bf babies can't be overfed.

You do have my sympathy, it's hard enough becoming a mother without someone inteferring and trying to make you feel you're not doing your best.

gourd · 13/04/2011 12:51

Sometimes breastfed babies suckle at an empty breast to encourage an increase in milk supply 'cos they're about to have a growth spurt and will need the extra milk. You can't overfeed them - they will stop drinking the milk when they are full, but may suckle to increase supply, or just for comfort, as another poster said. This a good thing, so please ignore MIL and don't stop your baby doing it!

gourd · 13/04/2011 12:58

Also, your MIL is probably trying to help even though it may seem that she's criticising you or undermining your judgment. Remember that official advice on feeding has almost certainly changed a bit since she was a first time Mum. Maybe she also feels like a bit of a spare part - especially as she can't help you feed the baby. She might just want to be a bit more involved and feel that she's being of some use, but not know how. If you think she's feeling a bit left out or useless, but wants to help, you could ask her if she'd like to help you bath, wash or change the baby instead and perhaps try to involve her in other ways - maybe asking her to choose some baby clothes or toys (possibly safer ground)?

bluebeach · 13/04/2011 19:31

I am in the exact situation right now! It is driving me mad. I have a healthy 6 week old who is exclusively breast fed and gradually gaining weight on the 50th percentile thing.

She has been cluster feeding in the early evening and this has meant that she has been sleeping well and only waking for 2 short top ups during the night.
MIL is staying and keeps making comments about me feeding too often.

'She's not hungry, shes.....
...bored
...tired
...windy
...too full'

are the most common comments.

SHE IS HUNGRY, LET ME FEED HER!!!! instead of whisking her away off round the house, while I am sat with aching boobs.
I'm also a first timer and still to work up the courage to stick up for myself.

ARGHHHHH

redstripeyelephant · 13/04/2011 19:35

I had the opposite problem - DD2 was quite small and MIL continually told me she was underweight and needed to be bottle fed.

I mentioned it to the health visitor and so she wrote in my red book - 'baby very healthy and gaining weight well. Mother advised to continue breastfeeding on demand' and said show that to your MIL!

I did, and while it didn't stop the comments it definitely took the wind out of her sails a bit

websticks · 13/04/2011 21:55

I am having this problem with my mother now. Ds was born weighing 9lbs 14 oz and was also very long. (midwifes all commented on the length of him) I EBF him and he is gaining weight rapidly he is off the chart for both weight and length. Healthvisitor is not worried as his length and weight is in proportion. My mother constantly says i am over feeding him that he is fat and everyone thinks so but no one will say and that i should stop breastfeeding him and put him on bottles. It is really getting me down and making me doubt if breastfeeding him is the right thing.

Sorry no help to you really but at least you know you are not the only one who is getting comments about over feeding

AngelDog · 13/04/2011 22:55

Another vote for looking at Kellymom's suggestions on dealing with criticism.

matana · 14/04/2011 08:32

Had the opposite problem - people telling me DS was hungry when he'd fed 20 mins before and was actually tired instead.

You can't overfeed a breastfed baby - they're excellent self regulators and will take exactly what they need, including just the comfort of being close to you. My DS is 5 months, but when he has an off day due to illness or teething he still sips and suckles.

I've come across a lot of criticism of 'on demand' BFing, mainly from the older generation. In their day they were also advised to time 10 mins on each breast which is a big no-no now due to foremilk/ hindmilk requirements. When my MIL made comments i just replied that advice had changed quite a lot since she had my DH and explained why... that shut her up.

ChoChoSan · 14/04/2011 09:53

OP I would use my own judgement if I were you...my mum occasionally implies I am overfeeding my bf 9 week old, and others suggest she is hungry because she sucks her hands!

I have spent 24 hours a day with my daughter, and in that time I have developed a pretty good sense of what she needs, so much so that she has followed her centile curve to the letter even though I rarely have her weighed. I also sometime take her off the breast before she is finished, because I know she will make herself sick...I'm not sure what is meant when it's said it's impossible to overfeed a bf baby. I have ' instinctively' picked up on growth spurts too.

Personally, I just look at my daughter to assess whether she's feeding well...and she looks like she's thriving. As with any other aspect of her health and development I will seek advice if a concern develops.

Obviously if you are not too confident, you can seek advice, but I try to focus less on how much/little is going IN (hard to do when bf), more on the outcome, ie. Baby's growth and well being.

ThePerfectFather · 14/04/2011 12:37

MIL did the same thing. Since our daughter had colic too it was a double whammy for my wife - shouting in one ear from the baby, and her mother telling he she was feeding the baby too much.

Just because she's a mother doesn't mean she knows what she's talking about. Without getting nasty with her (trust me, it won't help) just say that you're following the health visitors advice.

Fiddledee · 14/04/2011 13:30

MIL did the same to me and I had a very large baby. MIL only BF her baby for 6 weeks and only fed her baby morning or night every 4 hours as she was told by the midwife at the time. You are never going to persude your MIL just ignore her - distraction is a very funny suggestion but quite right.

My DC both cluster fed alot in the evenings especially my first baby. I would prefer a contented baby than a screamy one. MIL use colic usually to describe a baby that wants to be BF but is being denied due to the clock IME.

Ignore her, don't see her for a bit. Good luck.

gourd · 14/04/2011 14:40

Oh Bluebeach I know exacly what you mean! My daughter's always cluster fad from about 4 ppm till 8pm, and she still does, even though she's now 7 months! She'll have milk at about 4:30 or 5 pm, about 15 minutes after she's finished, she'll eat tea with us, then have more milk immediately afterwards, then a short break for play, followed by more milk at 6:30, then bath at 7, then a final milk feed before bed at 8!

ninani · 14/04/2011 17:06

Have any of these MIL breastfed their own babies? Then they would have known that they drink milk more often than FF babies. Wasn't formula being promoted a few decades ago? And weren't babies in hospitals taken to the nurseries so their mothers couldn't breastfeed them properly and so many ended up being FF?

blondebutonlyfaking · 14/04/2011 17:28

Ninani - not that long ago.

Happened to me with my eldest even though I wanted to BF. Was a young mum and it was so against the recieved wisdom at the time.

By the time no2 came along 16 months later I was much more bolshie

And they had no chance with nos 3 and 4

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