Any ideas how to help my DS1 be a bit happier and less difficult?

[BigusBumus]

My DS1 is 8. I'll call him M. I also have a DSS (8) who is with us at weekends and a DS2 (4). M is a bright child, articulate, attractive. We are a middle class family, nice house, car, holidays etc and the boys have most of the trappings of life at their disposal, Xbox, DSs, Football coaching, bikes, PCs, a whole playroom of toys, outings, etc etc. DSS and DS2 are laid back, happy children, who are respectful, grateful and EASY.

However I am at my wits end with M. Most of the time he is whinging and whining, sullen, argumentative, agressive, ungrateful and completely lacking any empathy for those around him (us). Everything is a battle, from getting dressed in the morning to eating, from watching TV to well, absolutely everything. I can't leave him in the same room as DS2 for even 20 seconds without hearing DS2 crying about something M has said or done. He is also Mr Negative and pessamistic about everything.

I am sick to death of shouting, pleading, being reasonable, being horrible, being nice, indulging him, spending one-on-one time with him, etc etc - I have tried everything. I just wish he would have more respect for us and do as he's told without the constant battles, answering back.

I am worn out by him... and it makes me low and makes me cry. :(

He has just spent the night at my mums, she took him to the cinema and for a McDonalds yesterday, (to give me a break from him) and he is now whinging that he's bored and wants to come home. I really don't want him home, how bad is that?!

Any ideas? I do think that he has been given everything that he wants and I (we) should stop indulging him for starters, as it doesn't make him happy anyway...

I would really love to hear from anyone with similar issues and how you deal with it...

anyone? x

He sounds like my DS2 who is 9, He called me a bitch this morning and I am still working out how to tackle that when he gets home from school.
If it's any consolation my older son was a nightmare for us at this age. It last about 18 months, and now he is lovely again.
Does your DS get much freedom, because we have found behaviour improves if they feel they have a bit of autonomy. It is very hard to balance though.

Not sure- but at 8 I would think he is old enough to talk about it and take part in designing a strategy to change things.

I would start by talking to him on his own. Point out that he often doesn't seem happy, ask him to think about why that may be and what you as a family can do about it. Talk to him about being part of the family and how everyone has to compromise and doesn't always get exactly what they want, and how you all have to be considerate of others. And in return you can expect their consideration.

I had one like this.

It does pass, i think it can be partly due to hormones and frustration [ime]

I know how you feel though, its wearing.

Think part of our problem with DS2 is lack of consistency. He definitely responds better when we are firm and consistent about what we expect of him. This often goes out of the window when dealing with all the day to day pressures of bringing up 3 DC, working etc.

Agree with Amberleaf about the hormones. Sometimes DS2 suddenly switches from being really calm and reasonable to screaming because he's asked to do a simple task. It must be hormonal!

It is so wearing. I'm dreading school pickup wondering what mood he's going to be in.