Has SMACKING gone underground????

[Eaney]

I have a few friends who have told me that they smack their children as a form of discipline and yet I have never witnessed it eventhough I have witnessed their children misbehaving. One particular Mum I know often looks very tense when her children are misbehaving as if she can't administer her choice of discipline.

This proves to be very trying as the children seem to know that she will not discipline and run riot. Very occasionaly there is a threat of 'telling your father and we know what he will do' which gets a short lived response.

It's as if they are not comfortable smacking in public. If you do use smacking do you feel inhibited when out and about? I can't recall seeing a child been hit in recent years, not for a long while.

Yes.

Well, think about the response you get on MN if you ask about smacking. If you don't know what that is, sit back and watch this thread.

I'd like to know why "you'll get a smack when you get home" wouldn't work though? I mean "I'm taking pasta out of your jar when we get home" works doesn't it?

And also I don't think any sort of discipline should be done in full view of everyone. If I'm giving dd a serious telling-off at playgroup or somewhere I'll take her into the corridor or something. It's discipline not humiliation.

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i think people aren't going to smack in public ever since that man got jailed (?) for smacking his daughter

someone reported him for assault!

I know we all have different views about what works when disciplining our children but I think that whatever form of disciplin you use you should feel that you can apply it when out and about. I agree that it shouldn't be humiliating and largely I have a quiet word in my DS's ear explaining what will happen if he continues... and this usually works.

The Mum I am thinking most about doesn't seem to say 'when I get you home.....' in fact she says very little. I also know anoter Mum who is similarily restricted when in company.

Do those Mums smack at home? Or just not have anything that works, at home or out? I mean, that would make you look tense when your children are misbehaving wouldn't it?

Actually I think you need a range of things to use. The "naughty step" can't work very well when you're out, can it?

Personally I prefer to get my dd to understand that mummy's-word-is-law at home. Then all I have to do when out is give the Paddington stare.

[I'm getting there!]

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They say that they smack at home but I don't know how effective it is although one of them did say that their Dad just has to look at them and they behave.

I think the problem I have is that in two of these cases the boys are soooooo badly behaved that it is really wearing for anyone in their company and I just feel that they would normally use a smack if they behaved like that at home.

I don't smack so maybe they feel uncomfortable using smacking with me eventhough I have never said anything anti-smacking to them. It was a bit tense when my DS was explaining to the son of one of these Mums how he had misbehaved and the boy said 'did your Dad smack you?' 'No' replied my DS 'Dad says there is no hitting in this house' The boy looked confused and the Mum did look a little ill at ease.

This is quite a tricky one! My friend has two children and never smacks them..ever! but she really shouts at them when they are naughty. Standing over a small child ranting and raving I think is far worse than a controlled smack on the hand say, My DD is far to small to be naughty so I dont have to think about it yet. I was smacked occasionally when I was a child and I havent suffered from it, but I agree never discipline your child infront of other people and if you are out take them to a quite spot and tell them whats what.

Some playgroups don't allow smacking etc. Although, the few times I've seen smacking in such places, I am so surprised, I forget the rules.

I do see mums smacking their kids regularly, every few weeks maybe? Not mums I know, but other mums. And I hear mums threatening to smack, ineffectively, all the time.

I agree NQC I see it all the time, at least once or twice a month
and being threatened all the time too
maybe it is more acceptable in some places

I heard someone threaten to lock their kid in the trunk of the car, this summer. They weren't joking, either.

I don't think they would have done it, but what a horrible thing to say!

that is horrible
a few weeks ago I also saw the classic of:
how many (whack) times have I told you (whack) not to (whack whack) hit your sister (whack whack) she's smaller than you (whack)...
I gave the woman a Look
but I think it may have been wasted

I'm afraid I just wander off. Quickly, if DS1 is with me, as I hate him seeing that.

When I first had DS1, I thought that hitting your kids was inevitable, I was sure I'd end up doing it at least once, although I didn't want to. I'm really pleased I haven't.

I know, it's strange. Before I had children I accepted smacking as an absolute given, a fact of life. grown up with it, completely the norm in my family. never thought I would NOT, just thought it was part of parenting.
since I have had dd I feel completely different, though she is only young yet I suppose.

Oh, I knew I didn't want to smack. I thought it was maybe necessary, in response to, say, a toddler running into the road. But it turns out that getting really upset (as you naturally would under those circumstances) does the trick.

But I probably feel more strongly about it as my parents did it rather too much. Including once when I was 15, which was really really unacceptable.

yes I know what you mean about smacking a toddler. I had always accepted the line about "getting their attention" but you're right - despite having a really VERY wilful toddler, raising my voice or in extremis just lifting her up does the trick.
although I repeat the line about it being "early days yet" tbh I think it gets less and less likely now she understands so much more.
I suppose I hadn't given it too much thought beforehand. me and my sisters were phsyically disciplined but I was quite good at staying out of trouble and under the radar.. (big family)

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I've seen it only once in public in recent memory, and have to say it was signally ineffective. The 2 year old who was smacked screamed and screamed and screamed, leading my 2 year old to start screaming etc. etc. etc. It was horrendous.

Didn't stop the kid doing exactly the same thing 10 minutes later either.

I see it a bit when out and about but tend to feel that the kids getting smacked are also the ones really misbehaving which makes me wonder if smacking has any effect whatsover on their behaviour.