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Original poster

Would you have wiped this child's bottom?

26 replies

ScarlettWalking · 11/04/2011 17:11

DD had a little girl aged 5 1/2 around for a playdate yesterday. We know her v well, she went to the bathroom and called me in to wipe her bottom as she can't do it properly she said. I was a bit shocked but felt sorry for her and gave a quick wipe with a tissue and some spare pants (she didn't come with any as we were paddling in garden in swimsuits).

After the event I feel a bit bemused as surely the school she attends wouldn't be doing this for her, and maybe I should have said no, I can't do that for you X. I don't really do this for DD aged 4 anymore and it was a bit unpleasant. Just wondered your thoughts if there ever is a next time as she is over quite a bit...

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Dropdeadfred · 11/04/2011 17:13

I would have checked if she was in a mess and if so helped. I would ask her mum
If she needs help at home and just mention it casually just so you know and she is aware

thisisyesterday · 11/04/2011 17:14

yes, i would have done it without a second thought

ds1 is 6 and still won't wipe his own bottom . he doesn't poo at school. ever.

Original poster

ScarlettWalking · 11/04/2011 17:15

Ok good that so far you would have and hopefully I didn't do the wrong this by doing so

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Grabaspoon · 11/04/2011 17:18

For some reason all my friends children ask me to wipe their bottoms even when we're at their home and their mothers are around. So I know my friends would have no issue with me doing so if the children were at mine.

Though TBH at that age I would probably tell them to try and do it themselves.

theagedparent · 11/04/2011 17:18

I think it would be mean not to help, everyone learns things at different times.

bellavita · 11/04/2011 17:21

I wouldn't have done it.

I remember when DS2 had friend to play - they were about 6 at the time. The friend went to the toilet and was in there for what seemed like an age. I shouted through the door and asked if he was ok. He said he was waiting for me to wipe his bum. Not likely! I said he needed to do it himself.

TheFallenMadonna · 11/04/2011 17:23

What is your objection to it? The unpleasantness, that she should be able to do it herself, or concern about what her parents might think?

Goblinchild · 11/04/2011 17:24

Did you miss the enormous thread on this issue a while back?
In your case, I'd talk to the mother about what she would like you to do in the circumstances. Be upfront and practical and she shouldn't take offence.

FollowMe · 11/04/2011 17:26

I would have yes.
DS is 5.5 yo as well. 9 times out of 10 he wipes his own bottom perfectly but if its a messy one he occasionally gets a bit stuck and asks for help. Sounds like thats what happened here.
I wouldnt like to think somebody left my child in a mess just because their child was able to wipe their own bottom at the same age and they thought my child should be doing so as well.

VivaLeBeaver · 11/04/2011 17:26

Yes I would have done and have done this in the past for DD's friends when they were that age. DD herself was 6 before she could bum wipe well enough. I know the teachers at school don't do it but DD seemed very good about hanging on until she got home for a poo.

Grabaspoon · 11/04/2011 17:27

She is school age and at school they need to wipe their bottoms. They're never going to learn if they never try are they?

Shannaratiger · 11/04/2011 17:27

Dd is 7, she still asks me to wipe her bottom but I think she can do it herself if I'm not there, she just says it's easier for me to do it!!

lunafire · 11/04/2011 17:29

Yes I would have. My DS is almost 7 and shows no sign of wanting/being able to wipe himself yet.

thisisyesterday · 11/04/2011 17:32

bellavita... really? how unkind. a child asks for help and you refuse just because you think they ought to be able to do it.
hope your child never asks someone for help and gets the same response :(

and grabaspoon... never? are you sure? do you think that if i still wipe ds1's bottom now i will be doing it when he is 18? I think not. he will do it when he is ready, just like anything else

pranma · 11/04/2011 17:32

I would always help if asked and would always mention to child's mum that I had done so.

NigellaTufnel · 11/04/2011 17:33

Yes I would. she's only 5 ffs. well done for stepping up

crystalglasses · 11/04/2011 17:35

I used todo it for my 5 year old nephew when I looked after him. I never thought it strange although I found it funny that he always stood touching his toes to allow me to have a good 'go' at wiping his bum.

Goblinchild · 11/04/2011 17:38

'She is school age and at school they need to wipe their bottoms. They're never going to learn if they never try are they?'

Do you suppose that's why there are complaints from wives and partners about skidmarks in the laundry?

bellavita · 11/04/2011 17:39

Call me unkind, that's ok. They have to do it at school. I just don't think it is my place to wipe another child's backside.

Original poster

ScarlettWalking · 11/04/2011 17:49

I will not do it again no, it is a combination of all 3 TFM. I am past that stage with dd and really don't want to do it as a natural thingfor other children really.

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Grabaspoon · 11/04/2011 17:49

But if you don't expect them to try like with everything else then how will they learn to do it - I try and teach them as part of potty training although will help until pre-school level.

But why would a child choose to wipe their own bottom if all adults around them do it for them - it's a bit like spoon feeding an 18 month old who is able to feed themselves, etc.

TheFallenMadonna · 11/04/2011 17:52

You probably shouldn't invite her back then.

Goblinchild · 11/04/2011 17:53

There's even a name for it, King Henry V111 had a Groom of the Stool.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groom_of_the_Stool

seeker · 11/04/2011 18:02

i really don't see why you wouldn't.

why wouldn't you?

LaWeasel · 11/04/2011 18:24

I wouldn't. But I would say that to the mother - not in a criticising her way, but so she can choose whether to prep her DD for visits or not send her over any more.

I'm not remotely interested in wiping other children's bums, and I'm not going to unless they're still in nappies or there is a medical issue - which presumably the parents would warn you about.

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