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Original poster

wwyd - ds wants to wear a dress...

14 replies

phdlife · 11/04/2011 02:19

Relax, I already bought him one (ghastly thing, red sequins, he adores it) and he wears it around home no probs. Even to the shops, I don't care.

BUT.

He wants to wear it to kindy (he is turning 4 this week). As it happens it's the last day of term and a dress-up day, so we maybe could get away with it.

Otoh, he is quite young for his class, v sensitive, and prefers to play quietly with the girls, so I am just a bit worried about the response from the crowd of Big Boys Who Play Guns All Day (ie, all the other boys bar one).

Just wondering, wwyd?

btw, he also wants to wear it to his own birthday party at home...

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thumbwitch · 11/04/2011 02:28

at our playgroup, there is a box of dress up stuff, nearly all of it girly sequiny stuff, including fairy wings and tutus. The boys there used to wear it as much as the girls, even the 4yos.
Is there a box of stuff like that at your DS's kindy? perhaps if they see him wearing it they'll all want to?

Sounds like he'll be happier wearing it - so let him, but perhaps with a change of clothes available if the boys do make him unhappy for wearing it. And definitely let him wear it for his own party!

shelscrape · 11/04/2011 02:35

i never had a dress dilemma with my DS, but he went through a huge pink phase whenaged 3 and 4. He would go off to his day nursery in his pink t-shirt with his pink clothed baby doll in her pink pushchair. i worried about what the other boys would say/do. However, thye were all jealous of the doll as they weren't allowed to have one at home. DS still wears fairly wings sometimes ....

Let your DS wear the dress, he sounds a thorough ly lovely little boy.

TotorosOcarina · 11/04/2011 02:59

My ds is 5 in June and very girly (the older one who is 6.5 is like a trucker - very manly, lol) but my wee fella likes to paint his nails, wear his sisters tights etc.

We've always just let him do what he wants and bought him what he wanted (ie pink tshirts, purple sunglasses, ladybird neckaces etc...)

Recently he had his nails done hot pink at my sisters and wanted to go to school with it on, we let him and he did get some teasing from the kids in the year above :( but he didn't seem phased and the teacher told him he looked lovely so he was happy on the whole.

They are having a royal wedding day at scchool and I was half expecting him to say he wanted to be a princess but hasn't!

If he wants to wear the dress let him but you can't be sure 'nothing will be said' by the other kids, particularly the older ones in other classes, but as long as he is happy then theres not much you can do but let him be himself!

I love the fact my boys are so different and I wouldn't change a thing about him, everyone that meets him falls in love with him!

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ninedragons · 11/04/2011 03:52

I'd let him, and rejoice in having a child who marched to the beat of a different drummer.

Kids like that turn into the most interesting adults.

Okonomiyaki · 11/04/2011 04:26

Lovely thread, you - and your ds's - all sound great!

Mine's still too young to have an opinion but I shall take the same approach when he's older.

Baffledandbewildered · 11/04/2011 04:29

One of my ds's spent a summer dressed as a girl and would only answer to his chosen girl name!!!!!! About three at the time. He had just had a crew cut due to illness so looked very odd lots of oh poor little girl comments. Now going to uni and not a dress in sight unless left my his girlfriend.

lljkk · 11/04/2011 05:04

If he's an eldest child I'd let him wear it, if a 2nd or later child I wouldn't.

My experience is that DS1 could get away with all sorts that DS2 can't because DS2 is more on the radar somehow, more noticed by older children who "remember" that DS2 rode a pink bike to school once, that kind of thing. And the older children are the ones who tease and keep the memory of the girly act in the group consciousness. The older children wouldn't notice DS2 at all if he didn't have a big brother.

camdancer · 11/04/2011 08:35

My DS is one of the plays with guns all day at preschool types. He also wears skirts about once a week. I think he has had some comments but it doesn't seem to bother him at all. His stock reply to "you're wearing girl's clothes" is "no I'm not, they're my clothes."

I have been advised to wean him off them by school but I'm definitely in two minds about it. He knows that skirts are usually worn by girls but he also knows he likes wearing them. On the one hand, children can be cruel but on the other hand if you know what they are going to be mean about you can prepare for it.

monkoray · 11/04/2011 12:28

good for you for buying him a dress. I understand your concern about the older kids. Why not send him to kindy in his dress but give him a change of clothes (we have to send DS with a change of clothes anyway incase they get messy). That way he can choose whether to stay in the dress or not if he does have problems with the older boys. Have you discussed this with the kindy staff? they might also have some opinions.

grumpypants · 11/04/2011 12:33

wouldn't worry from deep and meaningful point of view, but do be aware (from overhearing other parents) that some people and nursery staff will see it as weird. So maybe not a dress to nursery but fairy wings/ tiara/ pink top etc - stuff that's not a big deal to change/ wear? FWIW ds (3) very loudly and hopefully said 'Maybe they will have nail varnish mummy' in the Disneyland queue for face painting, causing bloke in front to laugh (kindly). So, not a strange thing to be doing at all.

Elk · 11/04/2011 12:47

Two of the boys in dd2's reception class like wearing the dress up dresses. One is always dressed as Belle, the other as aurora. All the other children seem to accept it as perfectly normal.

BlueChampagne · 11/04/2011 13:13

My DS1 (3.7) has a dress, a skirt, and a pair of tights, and his favourite colour is pink at the moment. So I have bought him pink glittery Peppa Pig sun glasses and a pink stripey UV outfit for the summer, because I've got more chance of him wearing it.

I think they hear the girls being called pretty but no-one calls the boys pretty, so I have started to do so, whether he is wearing a skirt or trousers.

Still, it's nice to hear that he's far from the only one. A friend told me she had to dye her DS's pants pink

LionRock · 11/04/2011 15:42

Cordelia Fine's book (something about "Gender Delusion") mentions this. As I remember, it's usual for children to do this, the same as it's usual to try lots of things at that age. Once children enter peer groups (nursery etc) they will usually give and get strong messages about what's considered gender-appropriate. Interestingly though the children still liked to wear "gender-inappropriate" clothes or play with "inappropriate" toys but the peer-group comments meant they did this more on their own and less when in company. There were some anecdotes about e.g. giving boys a set of trucks instead of the dolls they used to play with and the children playing mummies and daddies with the trucks, ha ha. (Interesting book)

quickchat · 11/04/2011 20:08

I looked out into my garden this morning to check my kids. DS (nrly 4) whizzed past pushing a buggy and a pink dolly.

DD (16 months) wasn't bothered as she was busy digging stones with his big digger!

They don't care so why should we!

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