When do kids get 'easier ' to look after?

[Lilysmum]

Sorry if this theme has come up before, but when do kids get easier to look after?

I read somewhere that 12-18 months was in some way the toughest phase, because the child is developing their motor skills, a thirst for independence etc....but with language skills lagging behind physical skills, can't be reasoned with, and gets frustrated by their own limitations.

My 14 month old is driving me mad currently. She has more toys than any other toddler that I know, but she eyes them all with a disdainful ennui and won't play with them for more than 2 seconds. She then mooches around the house like a miniature bored teenager with a strop on, looking disenchanted with life....(and constantly wanting to be super glued to my side). I am a total slave to her, and when I am at home and not working (thank god for the break that work gives me) have to arrange twice daily excursions for her to keep her occupied.

I can't go shopping any more (because she won't wait calmly in her push chair whilst I try something on), and a cappuchino in a coffee bar is a distant memory as are meals out (she won't sit still for more than a fleeting few moments).

I have this hope that when she is an older child (perhaps 5 or 6)- of course there will be other age related challenges, but I might get the occasional half hour long period of relative peace whilst she plays with friends / her toys / draws a picture / watches a kiddie video etc. Since at that age they should be marginally (although not wholly) better at entertaining themselves?? Please tell me I am not wrong!

My ds (2y 2m) has recently become so much easier in one way (speaks a bit, so less frustrated) but harder in others (won't eat if he doesn't want to). He is, 90% of the time, a joy to be with, and lovely company. He is affectionate most of the time, and my best moments are when he comes up to me and plants a big kiss on my cheek, without me asking for one.

I agree with whoever it was that said there is always a new problem. As one resolves itself, you get another, but you learn to live with it. I agree that 1-2 was the hardest year, as ds wasn't walking or saying anything. He still doesn't say much, but he gets himself understood by me and (sometimes) dh, so he is happier.

I have felt like jumping off a cliff sometimes, but most of the time he is an angel.

Oh, and last night (8pm-9pmish), he laid on the bed with me (as I was really poorly) and dh was having supper. He was so good. I told him that Mummy was poorly, so he mustn't climb all over me, and he didn't. He was tired too, but that doesn't usually stop him being a pickle! We dropped off together about 9pm, after he had given me a kiss...awww.

I've spent all my ds's life saying "it'll be easier when ...."

Trouble is, whenever one problem goes away, another one appears.

Dh keeps saying 'so when is it going to get easier then?' But, he only really spends time with ds in the evenings when they are both tired (other than the weekend of course), so he misses most of the wonderful moments.

This is interesting, it does seem to depend on the child doesn't it? Lilysmum, my ds didn't get easier I don't think until he was about 4 and even then I'd still say he's easier now at nearly 6 than he was then. At 4 he was lovely mostly (with the odd devil-like episode though) and we just had the most wonderful conversations. Also it was great to be able to reason with him. A friend reckoned that at 18mos/2yo they have maximum mobility and energy and all of it is devoted to getting what they want and that seemed to fit my ds anyway. I do think you'll get your magical time to yourself at 4 or maybe earlier. I'm sure teenagers are a whole new set of challenges too - I think it was mears who said she envied us our toddler problems because they were easier than teenager traumas.

when they leave home

Kuh, don't you believe it, Eidsvold! Even when they've left home, they keep coming back, just like homing pigeons. I think we may have to change the locks on the doors....

suedonim- total agreement, especially when they are skint

Yep, 2 year 2 month old is becoming much easier to deal with. For us, it is totally related to language as he ca n understand loads and is starting to express himself really well ( very advanced for his age ). We can now go to a coffee shop again as DS2 is still in pushchair and DS1 will sit on chair and have some food and a chat....

DS is now almost 2, and have found that in some ways he is much easier to deal with than at 14mths. He will indulge in fantasy play now (which doesn't require my input, just provision of little animals to play with) and will watch videos happily (not true at 14mths, I'd say he started paying much more attention to the TV at 18mths). Will also look at a book by himself and "read" (so cute!). Toys are most useful when other babies come to play - about the only time DS shows much interest in them, because he doesn't want to share! But shopping trips/coffee stops are still pretty much out the window - DS likes to run around too much! Having space to run around in is good - on holiday DS spent ages just pacing the pool, round and round - also we could sit in the local village square and let him run riot, but piazzas are less common where I live.

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Unfortunately, after it gets easier, it then gets harder again (3 teenage daughters in the house...)

Haha 😂

My DS2 is 2years old and I am right there with you on the thunder train!

My DS1 is 10 and an absolute delight with a few strops here and there. Howeverrrr DS2 allows me to pee in private, eats his dinner, tells me what he wants rather than bla bla waaaahhhh!

I love my children to bits but I agree that 3 and a half onwards is a lot more calm and enjoyable and you get your free nursery!!

15 months to go until 3 and a half whooo!

I’m finding different stages hard for different reasons so far. 0-1 was tough because of colic and a year of feeding every 2 hours at night.

After 1 got sleep sorted but then DS dropped his daytime nap at around 18 months so there was no peace or time to do anything in the day. But lovely to not be permanently sleep deprived any more.

2 felt a bit easier because he could do a bit more for himself, but he also got more physically strong/argumentative and had a year of illnesses, some serious. He got very frustrated about things not going quite his way and would often bite or hit me if I said no to something.

3 seems easiest of all so far because I can reason with him a bit and he can tell me what’s making him angry/sad/upset. I can go with him to a coffee shop while he has some cake or plays with cars on the table (in-between hours of playing with toys/running around in the park). When he’s tired out at the end of the day it’s lovely to cuddle up together and we can (sort of) have conversations about things.

Hang in there!

My DD is 2.5, and like some PP have mentioned, I haven’t been able to go shopping (for clothes etc) since she was about 3 months old and stopped sleeping in the pram. As soon as she could crawl, she hated the pram / sling and just cried. It made walking anywhere miserable! We can do a supermarket trip, or around the butchers etc, but clothes shopping is a distant memory!

She’s still not great at entertaining herself when at home, despite my best efforts, so no reading for me unless it is to her!

However, she is now an absolute joy. We can have proper conversations and her sense of humour is brilliant. We can eat out for lunch / dinner (not a leisurely 3 course meal of course) and it is enjoyable. She is really getting into craft stuff which is so much fun, and I love seeing her working out how to do things. She rarely tantrums, is potty trained (no faffing with nappies, hooray!) and everything just feels so much easier than it did at 14 months.

That age is really touch. They can be clingy, they need constant supervision, they can’t fit around everyday activities and, frankly, they are boring. By 3yo things usually get better. By 5yo there is a big difference. You can engage them in interesting activities, they are more patient and able to understand that some things need to be done and they can entertain themselves alone with toys or with friends.

Tough not touch!

Reading through this for hope and just realise your kids have probably all grown up now!!!

Mine at 14 months was very clingy, had separation anxiety and was glued to me a lot. It eased a couple of months later and he would potter for a little bit (and I found fewer toys out that I rotated kept him far more engrossed). Then the separation anxiety came back for a bit and then went away again. It helped as his comprehension grew. Although different ages pose different challenges and some kids play alone more happily than others, it does get easier to go to the loo/sit and read for 10 minutes etc. At 3 he would happily sit in a cafe with me and chat for a bit while we had a treat or have lunch out. I don’t try to clothes shop with him, I think he would be fed up and I would rather go alone. Almost 4 and he is often good company and will spend good chunks of time each day absorbed in a game alone.

I think it wholly depends on the child (my DS is 4 and not great at entertaining g himself at home, although he will play with a friend if we meet in the park etc). However he is easy to take out, still "easy" to manage generally because he's relatively reasonable as kids go, no need to take a load of stuff when we go out etc.

My other DC is 18 months and hard work, but is definitely harder work than DS1 at this age! He's more daring, more of a climber, less obedient.

My DS is 4 months and can happily entertain himself for short periods of time! It probably won’t last but is good right now

Between 2ish and 2.5 has been pretty great for us in terms of getting easier. Or if not easier then certainly more enjoyable - the language makes such a huge difference, and the toys are so much better and collaborative (duplo, brio etc). I found 16-20 months or so pretty rough but probably didn't help that I had morning sickness with #2. I wouldn't say DS has much independence yet really - occasionally if he's really absorbed in something I could get something else done while he played - so I can definitely see how it would get easier still in the next year or so. But even though it's still non stop with him it is just so much more fun.

I love reading these and then realising your children are about 20 now !! Does it get easier ? Asking as a shattered mum of 3 !

• cut down on the toys and rotate them- you'd be surprised at how much more they play with them when there are fewer around
• having said that, at 14 months neither of mine really played with toys- they just wanted to empty the dishwasher and open and shut doors- you know, the really exciting stuff
• forget the idea of going clothes shopping: that is not going to happen, even when they're a lot older.
• they do get a lot easier, in my experience, at around 4.

good luck!!

Oh no! Doh.