I am so disappointed nobody invites ds around during the holidays

[zardo]

I get like this all of the time.
I do all of the running to keep friendships going for ds with school mates have them back after school invite them over during school holidays.
I am here again hoping and hoping that I will get a surprise text inviting ds to play with their dc but it never comes and never has.
Ds is an only aged almost 10 and I know alot of boys his age are probably doing their own arranging but it doesn,t seem to be happpening between ds and his friends not at the moment anyway.
We don,t live close where he can just go and call for them either.
I just don,t get any of it are we doing something wrong me and my ds.
Two of ds's friends are onlies as well do their parenst have really good social lives going for them or somehting that they feel no need to ask my ds over.
Sorry I know I sound a real moaner but I feel really down about it tbh.
Is anyone feeling the same with a child this old as I feel we must be the only ones like this.
Ami trying too hard or putting too much emphasis on this as I keep thinking that for some reaon they don,t want thier ds to mix with mine or something.
Please tell me I am not the only one to have this problem constantly checking my mobile in the hope that one of ds's friends wants him to come and play.

I feel your pain.

This has never happened for my ds2 either.

I take comfort in the fact that he seems happy spending time with his family and doesn't seem at all bothered about seeing his schoolmates outside school.

How does your ds seem to feel about things?

I practically never arrange playdates for my dcs during the holidays. I'm always busy doing other stuff - like NOT cleaning the house and NOT thinking what to feed extra children.
Holidays are times for you to do stuff with your ds. He doesn't need friends around all the time and be honest - is he even bothered? Yes I think you're trying too hard. If it really bothers you ask someone round but don't do it in the expectation of anything else.

Do you work? Do the other parents work? If they do, have they sent their children on holiday schemes?
I will confess that I make arrangements most with the parents of children in our immediuate area - it's v casual, I see them at the gate, we arrange someone to play or for tea.
Do they accept when you make the arrangement? If so, just keep doing it and don't worry about recipricocity.

he is an only and I think that is making me feel much worse about this

Are there any organised activities for the hols in your area?
DS is spending a few days doing various arts events and sports, even though we don't need the childcare.

they usally accept although I am not sure were I stand with ds's closest friend the one he likes to see the most.
Whenever I invite I invite by text but although I know his mom gets my text I am lucky if she replies and even if I phone she doesn,t always answer.
I do prefer texting it feels less intrusive.
His best friends mom works all week from 9 to 5 and I have sometimes helped her out by having him for the day.
However she seems to have stopped having ds and even if she gets some time off she never asks ds over even if for a few hours.
Her ds always seems keen to come here on sleepovers etc.

I work p/t and so often use holiday club and when i'm not using childcare, i just want to be with my children. not having other children over. i do that during term time. But I also think that kids need a break from eachother. so I deliberatly do not arrange any 'playdates' during easter. I think they need NOT to see their friends. I think it helps and makes them glad to see eachother when they get back. saying that, we have 3 parties over the easter hols , so they will be seeing enough of eachother anyway.

This sometimes used to happen to us with my eldest. Everyone seemed to be going on holiday or to their Nan's and she really wanted friends over. I used to book some days on sports camp/courses or craft courses to keep her busy and socialising.
You could be really thick skinned and just call/text all the numbers you have for school pals and you may get a nibble - hard not to be asked I know, especially when you feel you do a lot to make friends feel welcome.
However, often kids play with their siblings on the holidays or parents just like to have a break from playdates etc - it's hard when you have 1 child as You do feel under pressure to keep them busy/occupied with socialising.
Does it upset your son? he may want a break from school pals. If he is fine about not having people over just enjoy quality time together - picnics, day trips to museums, the beach etc or working on building that complicated Lego set or supervising that Christmas Chemistry set etc. and watch a DVd in the evenings with a lap top dinner. Relax he could pick up on your social anxiety for him.

I think a lot of children this age just play out or have open house in the garden for neighbouring children to wander in. That's what my dds did. Arranging stuff in the holidays was always a bit restrictive, I liked the idea of just doing whatever we fancied on the day. Dd2 and dd3 had 'only' best friends and probably their parents did do most of the contacting.

Hi OP - it is probably not personal.
I work part time, but often take holidays during kids holidays. I often mean to invite kids over during hols, especially those who have invited my kids during term time that we haven't had over yet, but often don't manage to fit it in. Time is a killer - so many things to do and so little time to get it all done.

My kids will spend hours playing together during the hols, so usually don't 'need' playdates during holiday time. I am usually the one figuring out if there is anybody we should have over - usually they are not asking for anybody during the hols.
On top of that, I often arrange appointments during holidays so they won't need to miss school/hobbies, e.g this Easter hols they will both get their hair cut and visit the dentist. And DD1 has a Dr. appt.

Oh god it makes me feel bad for ds to hear that ohter children are busy playing with siblings when he has none.
I feel like I am on my own with this one.

You are not alone zardo. Has your ds asked for friends to play with? I think that is the crucial factor. If he is looking for friends to play with then you need to be brave and phone around (not text as people may have their mobile phone sitting in the boot of the car etc).
Many people will be off on holiday or off visiting family as earlier posters have said but you might find someone who is sitting, like you, waiting for a call too. I have very often called people and then they say, "You had my dc last time, why doesn't your dc come to us instead?" It is not that they don't want your child, it is just that in the holidays people slow the pace and the holidays often vanish before they know it.
Make sure your ds wants it though. He may be quite happy in your company doing stuff with you.

I must admit I am usually too busy meeting up with friends that I don't get to see during term time and doing things with my DC to think about play dates. Oh and going to dentist, hair cut and so on. Plus visiting my family who all live away from us.

If we do meet up with anyone from school it is not usually pre arranged, we just go to the park and see who is there. A text might be involved if I can't see anyone we know though!

Enjoy your time with him. They grow up too quickly and sooner or later he'll be out all the time. I used to make arrangements for my Ds as he had a tendency to be a loner. But often in the holidays I would just spend time with DD and DS. My DS was well into his teens before he started making firm friends and seeing them all the time. Now I barely see him at all.

Relax it'll all come good in the end.

We don't keep in touch with schoolfriends over the hols unless their parents are friends of mine. The kids round the corner call for DD1 and that's enough for me :)

Nobody calls for ds around here he has never made any friends in that respect although he does seem to get on with his peers at school.
I don,t really understand it as nearly all children I know seem to be out and about with mates not sure whats gone wrong.

I tend to arrange all of DS1's playdates and eventually the parents return the favour but it does take a while. I have to tell myself not to take it personally because I know that it isn't anything to do with me or my DS. I'm sure your situation is no different. Some parents are genuinely too busy and some parents forget but it's almost never personal.

As others have suggested perhaps look into some sports courses or activity days during the holidays so your DS can socialise with other children. He may even make some new friends there so he'd then have a wider pool of mates to play with out of school.

"Oh god it makes me feel bad for ds to hear that ohter children are busy playing with siblings when he has none."

Busy Fighting like Fury, more like, ime. :) Familiarity breeds a lot of contempt.

If you want a moan, Zardo, I can top you. Have you ever, even once, had a parent approach you first about playdates (not as a reciprocal thing)? Nope, neither have I. Do playdates you host rarely get reciprocated, can you have the same child over many times but never get invited back? Yup, us too. Did your yr2 DS sit up in bed one morning first thing and announce "I never get invited to parties"? because it is very true, of course; has only attended one friend's birthday party in his life. Does the boy your 11yo son considers to be his best friend never answer the phone, reply to emails, or make any effort to sustain the friendship?

Yr4 DD moans that her social life is impeded because she doesn't have her own phone to text her mates (some of her best friends text while in class). And I'm seriously tempted to think she's right.

But it doesn't help to moan. I humbly suggest that you need to put your phone aside & concentrate on things like adventure days for him and doing other fun stuff together when possible. Concentrate on the things you can change and just keep creating opportunities for friendships to establish. One of DD's best mates she met on a random visit to the swimming pool.

Oh, just thinking about siblings -- the boy that DS11 considers his best mate. Has an older sibling by 3 years...and they can't stand each other. Big Sis barely tolerates his presence, very difficult to have them both home at once.

Agree with ragged and been there myself. I think we measure success by how many friends and how good a social life people have. Both for adults and children. I enjoy my own company and am learning that I shouldn't have to apologise for that.

My dcs were not overwhelmed in the friend dept, despite my efforts. They are young adults now and have eventually made their own friends but it was a long time coming. I agree with other posters regarding clubs and activities. Just keep busy and enjoy life, the rest will happen in time.

I really empathise with this problem. I have exactly the same issue with my nearly-10 year old DD. Not just during term-time either, but all the time. She does have 2 friends who do return her invites, but her wider friendship groups just don't exist outsideof school. And whilst it's easy to say just invite them and don't worry about the invites back, i can only do this up to a point as it becomes embaressingly one-sided (and I do know that the others kids/mums do arrange invites back). With work, I seldom get the chance to be at the school gate and I know a lot of the inviting back happens spantaneously at that point, so this is part of the explanation. But dd is quiet, too, and nevere pushes herself for invites, even though I know she would like them.

So I really feel what you're going through Zardo - but all I can say is that 'I share your pain', as I don't know the answer either.