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Parenting

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Original poster

So which is harder, pregnant with a preschooler or newborn and a preschooler?

25 replies

pipoca · 07/04/2011 10:47

I'm 33 weeks and have a 3 year old. I've had a shit pregnancy: hyperemesis from 7 weeks and still on meds now. I vomit from time to time and feel nauseous most mornings. Have had awful round ligament pains, was high risk for Dows and had an amnio and now just feel generally lumbering and tired, can't get comfy in bed, can't run after DS or lift him really, wake up at 5.30am every morning and lie there wide awake. General crapness all round. Not enjoying pregnancy at all.
But then i wonder will it all be even harder with DS and a new baby to look after? I'll be knackered from night feeds and I'll have 2 children to look after.
So, be honest, what's worse, a bad pregnancy or a newborn, specially if it's your second?

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Allegrogirl · 07/04/2011 11:10

We've got a 2.10 gap and things were hideous when I was pregnant. It was much better when baby arrived even with all the night feeds and what seemed like constant bf. It's hard at first but you'll manage. Does your 3 year old go to preschool? I found that a lifesaver for catching up with laundry/having a cuppa when the baby was asleep, and sleeping myself when desperate.

DD1 accepted DD2 pretty well and 7 months in life has reached a new normal. They make each other laugh now which is a joy to watch. Still doing a night feed which sucks a bit but much better than being pregnant any day.

WoTmania · 07/04/2011 11:13

pregnant with preschooler definitely. Once the baby is there I find it lots easier and I get some sleep. when I'm pg I am tired, crotchety adn unweildy.

Fennel · 07/04/2011 11:16

For me the hardest bit was always pregnancy, especially late pregnancy. Personally I found newborn phase far easier (with toddler, and then with toddler and 4yo) all 3 times than the late pregnancy phase.

in fact I have found nothing in parenting as hard as pregnancy and childbirth, for me so far, but I think I might be unusual in that. I did struggle with energy while pregnant, I just flopped around moaning, slept badly, ate lots, moaned some more.

So for me it was easier after the birth each time. it could be for you too.

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meditrina · 07/04/2011 11:17

I found it easier being pregnant - despite all WoTmania's adjectives applying to me. This was because when pregnant, I had two hands available for the older child and didn't need quite so many eyes in the back of my head.

There was a longer gap between DC2 and 3 than between 1 and 2 - perhaps because of the need for free hands and constant vigilance when there's a toddler loose near a baby.

QueenofDreams · 07/04/2011 11:20

well so far I would say pregnant with preschooler. Ds is 2.6 DD is 3 months. Had hyperemesis etc in pregnancy. DS thankfully has adjusted really well to having a little sister though, and is so gentle and loving with her that I've had a pretty easy time of it I think :)

mrsravelstein · 07/04/2011 11:21

honestly, they are both hard, just in a different way, but on the plus side, there are definitely ENJOYABLE bits, lots of them, once the baby arrives. is your 3 yr old at a playgroup yet... i had a smaller gap than you so always had both of them to deal with (plus another older one too)... it's definitely getting a bit easier now my middle one is 3 and at playgroup 3 mornings a week for a few hours. good luck x

Original poster

pipoca · 07/04/2011 11:36

I see most people seem to think pregnancy is worse and I AM having a shitty shit time of it with this pregnancy. In answer to questions DS is at nursery mon to fri 9-1.30 (so not sure what I'm complaining about in a way) but I have a lot of running around to do and for instance have to take my mum to physio everyday (postoperative), have done for the last 3 weeks and she has another 3 weeks left.
What I'm hoping is that at least I won't feel so physically limited post birth, will be able to pick things up once more, bend, put my own socks on etc and I'll have the mornings for a couple of months (DS is in nursery til August then preschool from mid sept...we're abroad btw). Bit nervous about having 2 at home all day in august (and it gets to 40 degrees here then) but I guess DC2 will be at least 2 months so we'll have some kind of routine going.
So envious of anyone who has good pregnancies, I am just totally shit at it. I feel quite guilty hating it so much, but I really am hating being pregnant this time.

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ruth32 · 07/04/2011 11:37

I had 19 months between and was really I'll during pregnancy with about 6 months in bed. I was so glad when she was born and it was all over. So much easier but I declined any help after she arrived as I was just so glad to feel better I then was exhausted at 6 months. It's def easier when they are born!!!

Original poster

pipoca · 07/04/2011 11:46

God, I take my hat off to you Ruth, no way I could have coped with an age gap less than 3 years. DS is bilingual and so his speech has been quite delayed. It's really taking off now in his other language but it made things hard having a fairly non verbal 2 and a half year old. lots of frustration all round.

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foggybrain · 07/04/2011 15:20

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colditz · 07/04/2011 15:24

pregnancy was harder, no contest.

yes, I was tired after ds2, but my body was normal, my digestion was normal, my mental health was normal, my joints were normal - unlike in pregnancy- so I coped so much better.

Firawla · 07/04/2011 16:21

I think depends on your pregnancy but as you seem to be having a crap time now i think it will be easier for you with pregnancy and newborn.
my 2nd pregnancy was also not great, lot of sickness and was just hugeee so i think having the 2 of them was easier, well definitely easier than the last stage of pregnancy anyway. at the moment im pregnant with an easy pregancy so think this one will be harder having the newborn, altho i am not at the end yet so that makes a difference.
i think you will be fine though newborn and preschooler because your 1st will atleaast be in nursery for some of the time with him being 3 yrs, so then you still only have the one to look after for those hours

KnittingRocks · 07/04/2011 16:32

Think it depends on ur pg and ur newborn!

16mth gap between my DC and def found newborn harder than beingpg but then he was a v difficult baby and DS1 was still so young and needy.

I would say with a 3 yr age gap it will be easier when the baby arrives.

Fleecy · 07/04/2011 16:44

19mo gap here too and it was horrid being pregnant and having a toddler. Everything was just so exhausting and I didn't feel I could give her any quality time. When DS arrived I felt so much better, on top of the world, and could spend time with DD when DS was napping etc.

It did help in some ways that she was still so young as they both napped over lunchtime and I had a little time to myself but even so, I would take newborn and pre-schooler over being pregnant any day!

EsmeWeatherwax · 07/04/2011 16:52

Pregnant and toddler definitely. Was much easier after dd2 arrived, and that was after a c-section too! I had a lot of the same issues when pregnant, sickness and ligament pain, so was just so much less uncomfortable when baby arrived.

Lookandlearn · 07/04/2011 18:11

Sorry to go against the flow but newborn and preschooler and that was with a very difficult pregnancy for such specific reasons that I can't mention them for fear of being outed. The physicality of pregnancy was so rough but found it really hard to juggle needs of baby and preschooler on little sleep. Sorry if not what you want to hear.

FlamingJamie · 07/04/2011 18:16

Pregnant was worse. After was very hard but on the plus side there was a lovely baby.

I don't regret it now!

WoTmania · 07/04/2011 18:27

Just noticed your preschooler is 3! SEriously, i'm sure you'll be fine, DS1 was 17 months when DS2 was born and 3.2 when DD arrived. Apart froma brief toileting regression he was a dream :) Then again DS1 was really hard work so the other two were easy by comparison. Do you have a sling? I found it very helpful as meant no faffing with buggy and 2 preschoolers and I had hands free for the older child/children.

Original poster

pipoca · 07/04/2011 19:06

I've bought a ringsling and am about to potty train DS (a bit late) in the hope he'll be out of nappies before the baby arrives. I'm very glad he's at nursery as he can be quite hard work and still isn't very verbal (bilingual) so at least I'll only have one in the mornings. Just a bit nervous about sleep deprivation, although I'm sleeping so badly at the moment, it's probably no worse than waking with a newborn.

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WoTmania · 07/04/2011 19:19

You see, I cosleep and with very little ones make sure that I'm in bed early (8.30 latest) at least 3 times a week. Besides which I got more sleep with newborn than when pg,

Comma2 · 07/04/2011 21:40

pregnant was the worst as you are completely defenseless. That said, I'm sitting here in tears with 1 and 3 yo (but also two jobs etc), browisng for threads by similarly affected in good ol' mumsnet. :-)

MegBusset · 07/04/2011 21:54

Pregnant + preschooler harder than newborn + preschooler

However, toddler + preschooler = harder than both put together! (but loads of fun too!)

nethunsreject · 07/04/2011 21:58

I found newborn harder. SOrry! However, second time round you know it passes. Also, depends on the newborn. Mine was a nightmare. If he'd been more settled (like number 1) it would have been quite straightforward.

They are 4 and almost 1 now and it is hard work but fantastic and well worth it. My hyperemesis is a distant memory now, though at the time I felt like death and was in hospital a few times.

Nagoo · 07/04/2011 22:03

pregnant, but my newborn was nice and easy.

eversoslightlytired · 09/04/2011 21:35

preschooler and newborn (sorry!). DS is 3.9 years and DD is 5 weeks. Only find it hard really because I no longer have the time I used to to spend time with DS as DD iwants feeding all the time in the afternoons when DS comes home from preschool and I cant play with him so much.

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